Seal Squeezings
Song of the moment: “Through the Dark” by Alexi Murdoch
It’s been a few days, so let’s see…
Friday night, Chris had two of his friends over. With my parents out-of-town, it meant we could all get our drink on. The boys are fresh out of their first year of college- drinking is still is novel, exciting experience for them. They started the night out impressing me, despite my warnings, when they asked for dark lagers and flavored Smirnoff. Not the PBR and Burnetts crowd (though, in all fairness, they don’t sell Burnetts out here, else they probably would have purchased that). I only warned them about getting a dark beer because they wanted to play drinking games, and unless you are a regular drinker with a strong stomach, you won’t last long on a dark beer. They ignored me. I shrugged.
Me, I got a six of Guinness, since they were out of Mojo (a Colorado IPA). It was just strong enough to get me to a good place without being too much to handle when downed at a fairly rapid pace. Anisette (which they sell, much to my excitement- this will be purchased soon) is too sweet to go for a long time. Yeah… just referenced ADB. Go fuck yourself.
Anyway, we settled into the “It’s Always Sunny” drinking game, since I recently succeeded in hooking my brother on the show. After a few episodes, they wanted to do something else. I told them I’d teach them Drunk Bullshit. I warned them this was not a game for the weak (especially with so few players). They brazenly ignored me.
By the 4 drink row, they were all regretting their alcohol purchases. By the end of the game, they were feeling it. They demanded another game. I decided on Kings, seeing as they all already knew it. Halfway through, they all switched to water. I switched to mixed drinks.
At the end of the night, everyone was tipsy. I drank about 6 times more than any of them, and I wasn’t feeling much. Shows you that we really know how to drink at MSU.
Woke up Saturday morning at 6:30. Sometimes, after a night of drinking, I’ll get about 3 hours of sleep and pop awake obscenely early, completely refreshed and chipper. Does that ever happen to anyone else? It’s always a strange and unnerving experience.
Went to Cody for the family BBQ and 4th of July traditions. First, it was down to city park to see the cloggers at the bandshell. I hate the cloggers. They are like less talented tap dancers with no musical taste. Wandered through the merchant tents, but they are the same every year. I swear, I’ve seen the same dumb novelty signs and ugly jewelry being sold there since I was 4. Anyway, while wandering through the park, I took some pictures… Most of them are great illustrations of why I hate this place:
A pair of tramps, neatly stamped for your convenience
I don't even have a snappy remark for this one
Like me, Chris spent 80% of the day contemplating how to kill himself
On my wanderings, I ran into my sup and some coworkers. He tried to get me to go hang out with them. Even went so far as to grab my arm (not forcefully, mind you) and beg a little (in a mostly joking manner). I made my very polite excuses and left. I guess I’ve made my decision in regards to him. The sad thing is, I know both why I was contemplating chasing him and why I’ve now decided to drop it. I cannot say I am exactly pleased with the reason.
However, might I say that, on these wanderings, I saw a man with the third most-kissable mouth I’ve ever seen. That boy’s lips were beautiful. It took everything I had not to jump him and snog him senseless.
Then again, I hang around Number 2 quite frequently, and my remarkable self-control has prevented me from assaulting him. So far. It gets harder every time I see him. I don’t even want to think about what this prolonged absence has done to my tolerance to the perfection of his lips.
Back to the story. It was time for the family BBQ. We were all just sitting around, talking and waiting for more people to show up so we could start cooking, when my uncle rolls in. He offers to trade my dad a few beers for what he has in his bag. My dad shrugs and agrees. Guess what was in the bag?
More Guinness! My dad and I got all excited and each grabbed a bottle. I popped the cap off and got the bottle nearly to my lips when my dad grabs it.
“Don’t you dare,” he says, his expression dead-serious. “If you drink that, I’ll slap you, so help me.”
For a second, I didn’t know what to do. He seemed so pissed. Very solemnly, he led me into the kitchen. He grabbed two glasses from the cabinet, setting one down in front of me, then calmly pouring his into the other.
“No daughter of mine is going to Irish hell for drinking Guinness straight out of the bottle,” he said. I laughed so hard I cried, but I poured my beer into a glass before going back outside. We ended up trading air travel stories, trying to one-up each other while everyone else was roaring with laughter. Unfortunately, Dad always wins this game (he flies quite a bit more than I do). He told me about this little Irish pub he found tucked in an airport (why on earth would there be an Irish pub in an airport) where he had the perfect pint of Guinness, shamrock and all.
As we talked alcohol (my dad absolutely loves that I’m 21 and thus it’s completely acceptable now for us to do this), my mom mentioned that she has never tried a Long Island iced tea. About an hour later, we rectified this situation. She even pretended not to be disturbed by the fact that I knew the recipe and was obviously experienced mixing drinks. Bless her little maternal heart.
So, with the alcohol, the family function was happily tolerable. And, in the span of just two days, I drank more than I have the rest of the summer combined. That’s rather sad. My family is now sitting on nearly full fifths of gin, vodka, tequila, triple sec, and sweet and sour mix. My mom’s at a loss as to what we’re going to do with them. I’m trying to figure out how to get them back to Michigan with me.
Ended the festivities with the town fireworks display. I listened to some suitably epic instrumentals while doing so. The town managed to catch the hillside on fire. I was so proud.
Leave a Reply