One of the great stereotypes about women is that they are obsessed with shoe shopping. I, for one, have never really understood the appeal. While I own more shoes than the men I know, I have a greatly truncated shoe collection when compared to any other female in my acquaintance.
But contrary to popular belief, I am, in fact, a woman. And just because I don’t have a pile of Manolos in my closet doesn’t mean I don’t have a deep, dark shopping addiction of my own.
Galleons, I’m addicted to purchasing underwear.
It’s true. Lacy bits are my greatest weakness.
Most people own enough underwear to get them from wash to wash, with a small additional buffer. How many pairs do you own? 7? 10? 14? 20?
I own 35.
In fact, because those scraps of silk and lace can get buried under the heap of their compatriots, I sometimes forget I own certain pairs (honestly, it makes no logical sense to call them “pairs,” but it feels awkward to try to use a singular descriptor). Like the black satin ruffled thong with the red and pink rose print that I found earlier this week and exclaimed over with the same glee I exhibited when I first purchased it.
And so, to give myself a refresher on what the holy hell is hanging out in my underwear drawer, I scooped all my lady lace out of said drawer, dropped it in a heap on my bed, and started sorting.
Which led to me making a bunch of lists. Because I love lists almost as much as I love underwear.
And so, here we have a virtual tour of my panties, in the form of a series of silly lists.
- 12 thongs/g-strings
- 13 boy shorts/cheekie
- 10 bikini briefs
Note: Panties have the tendency to mix and match materials. For example, I own a few thongs with lace sides and a solid panel front. To make this easier, I categorized everything by the primary material.
- 13 lace
- 14 silk/satin
- 3 cotton
- 5 sheer nylon
- 9 black/dark gray
- 4 red
- 3 green
- 2 purple
- 4 blue
- 3 beige/brown
- 10 pink/coral
- 15 floral (12 of which are simply lace- 99% of lady lace is in the shape of flowers)
- 3 non-flowery flora (like ivy… and one that sort of looks like wheat)
- 11 unadorned
- 2 stripes
- 1 polka dot
- 1 paisley
- 1 heart print
- 1 weirdly nautical pair covered in artsy mermaids and octopuses (yeah, I finally broke myself of the incorrect octopi- praise me, PRAISE ME!)
- 7 have ruffles
- 7 have key-hole cut-outs
- 18 have bows
- 1 has metal studs
- 14 are mostly sheer
- 1 laces up the back
- 8 hail from Victoria’s Secret
- Of those 8, 6 of them are pink
Anyway, I’m done for now. Quoted Zim in here and now I can’t stop watching Zim clips on the YouTube.