So, You Came Outside Just to Disappoint Me?

What follows may just be the greatest text message conversation I’ve ever had:

Sean: I’m in Cleveland. I’m wearing a neon pink shirt. I haven’t slept in 56 hours. I’m at a rodeo.

Me: That is the most amazing message EVER!

Sean: This actually what I do for my internship. I competitively compete in rodeos.

Me: Oh. You’re moonlighting as a rodeo clown these days. I KNEW there was something you weren’t telling me.

Sean: They call me the Howdy Hipster. I play the villain and sneer at the audience’s music taste while scoffing at the protagonist for purchasing his assless chaps at chain retail clothing store and not salvation army.

Me: Haha, you would. You sip your freetrade coffee and act like a pretentious fuck. Yay!

Sean: They just told me freedom isn’t free. WTF’s going on, lol? They’re like worshipping the American flag… and there are speeches about Communism. Or baseball… I can’t tell.

Me: Sean, you are making my whole day.

Sean: It’s like living in a South Park parody of a rodeo. This can’t possibly be the real thing… They are making me pray now.

Me: WTF? Are you in Utah? Don’t become Mormon! Don’t wear the special underwear! Don’t drink the Koolaid!

Sean: No man, Cleveland.

Me: It was a joke. I know where you are. I’m watching you right now. *gasp*

Sean: I was already on TV once today. I wouldn’t be surprised, lol. The population of MILFs at rodeos is astounding and unpredicted.

Me: Maybe at sexy Cleveland rodeos… Maybe you are unknowingly part of some crazy MILFs Gone Wild shoot. The rodeo edition.

Sean: That explains everything. So, is this what you do in your home country? Piss over a horse’s balls and then hold on?

Me: Ah, sounds just like the motherland.

Sean: They just used a dancing horse to recruit for the army.

Me: Is this a rodeo or a circus? Lol.

Sean: I’m not really sure what I’m seeing anymore…

Me: Are you on drugs? Quick! If zombies attacked right now, what wouldst thou do?!

Sean: Cause a stampede and rob a cowboy of his pistol. Then, exit the stadium and make my way for my car before the chaos erupts.

Me: Stampedes equal chaos, dumbass. You’d never make it out.

Sean: Zombies love horse meat. 🙂

Me: Mmm, delicious equine brains.

Sean: Lulz. I’m aboot to get crunk. What?!

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