Song of the moment: Nature and the Wreck Mates of State
It’s been an odd few days where I don’t quite manage to get both feet on the ground at any particular point in the day, so I spend the day being constantly thrown off balance by the tiniest little things.
Like finally seeing Paul after nearly a week and enjoying a cigarette with him, feeling like I should say more but never quite getting out the words I mean to say.
Like noticing the attentions of a few new men in my life, attentions I want to gently quell before I get accused of stringing yet another man along. Since when does being friendly equate to interest in someone? If that’s the case, I’m a rampant bisexual with desires for many, many people across the country.
Like spending hours talking with a newly rediscovered friend, unintentionally, when all I planned was a 30-second detour at his door to drop off a CD.
Like realizing most of the things I was so worried about could clear up in a matter of days.
Like walking down the street and around campus, noticing for the first time the number of men smiling at me and the number of women glaring at me.
Like finding out I might not have fucked up one of my dearest friendships the way I thought I had.
Like getting locked out of my WoW account yet again, after trying to log in to reactivate my subscription. Maybe it’s a sign… If I believed in crap like that, it might actually influence me.
Like realizing I’ve finally managed to accomplish my goal from two summers ago and have effectively distanced myself from old “friends” from freshman year who I no longer have any desire to maintain the bonds of friendship with. Better late than never, right?
Like dreaming about old flames in completely platonic ways, then dreaming about my current small crush in a situation that left me with nothing but a lingering smile and lightness in my heart.
Everything around me seems to be righting itself, and while I’m trying to establish my footing in this strange new world, I can’t help but feel a sense of overwhelming joy. Which is strange for me.
And all around me, autumn is coming into full bloom (a spring metaphor for autumn, huh?), and I spend the days walking through tiny showers of falling leaves in red and gold, smelling the spicy smell of decomposing flora. It’s a season for leather jackets, scarves, and jazz. It’s a season of endings, but also of beginnings. We move toward the darkness and frozen beauty of winter with the memory of summer sunshine in our hearts.
This week, that is enough for me.
Bonus link of the day: Despite how often this is true for me, I can’t help but giggle when I read this.