The Special Hell

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that compares to the pain a migraine can put you in.

Maybe you are lucky and don’t know what it’s like to suffer through that special blend of agony. Maybe, like me, you know that pain all too well.

Sometimes I get warning. The “aura,” if you will. But sometimes, I miss those warning signs. Sometimes they aren’t there.

That’s when I wake up after a two hour nap to a skull-splitting migraine.

I take Excedrin.

I try to find a comfortable way to lie down. FYI, there is no comfortable position when you have a migraine. Every movement causes your skull to feel like it’s ripping itself apart. Every position you remain in puts pressure on a different part of your head, causing a dull, throbbing agony.

It hurts to look at this computer screen. It hurts not to. I figure I may as well do something instead of just lying there, in pain, thinking about how much it hurts and wishing I would just die so that the goddamn pain will end.

You think I’m being overly dramatic? Fuck you. You obviously have no goddamn idea what it’s like.

I throw up from the pain in my neck and skull. I cry. A lot. Both from the agony and from how frustrated I get. Even the tiniest light is like a blinding sun. My computer screen is on the darkest setting right now and it’s still like a knife behind my eyes.

And then that moment comes. When you feel the worst of the teeth-grinding, screaming pain start to retreat. You will the muscles in your head and neck to relax. You breathe deeply. You try everything to just get to sleep. The valley won’t last long. But if you can just get to sleep, maybe you can ride out the worst of it during your REM cycles. You try to relax. You feel yourself drifting off…

Then you move. Just the smallest shift, to get more comfortable.

And you know you’ve just made a gigantic fucking mistake.

Because here comes your old friend again. The pain races back, and you’re back to square one.

So tell me this, science. You know I love you. So why aren’t you spending more time figuring out the cause of migraines instead of worrying about how many curled up dimensions there are around us? Why can’t you fix my goddamn head?

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