If I Ever Successfully Conned an Attractive Bearded Man Into Dating Me, I’d Probably Have a Heart Attack and Die

I had to sit through the movie Gamer tonight. It is, without a doubt, a movie that managed to disgust me and piss me off more than any film I’ve seen in recent years. It was needlessly vulgar (I know, this is me saying this), tried too hard at being a post-modern commentary on our media-drenched society… and, more importantly, it completely villified video games and their players. The depictions of the MMO players were disgusting, stereotypical, and pathetic. It completely upheld all the media-fueled lies about the (incredibly unsubstantiated) link between video games and violence in our society/youth. It seemed to completely despise its target audience and portrayed them as idiotic, self-absorbed, sadistic bastards. The paper-thin excuse for a plot and completely arbitrary, confusing action sequences made me want to punch a goddamn wall.

There is something I found interesting amidst the shitstorm, though. And that is the fact that, despite the fact that Gerard Butler (one of my favorite Scots) was in the film, he was out-sexied by two other men.

Say what?

That’s right. First, there was Johnny Whitworth. Normally, I don’t care much for him. He’s too clean-cut… too much of a pretty-boy. Not my type. But, in this flick, he stole the one scene he was in from the ever-attractive Mr. Butler. Why? He had a goddamn beard. Johnny Whitworth with a beard is ridiculously sexy. Sadly, I could only find this one, tiny picture to demonstrate:


BUT, the man who captured my heart was the hyper-talented, ever amazing Michael C. Hall. We all know him as Dexter.

Here he is, performing the show-stealing, terribly amusing song-and-dance number that you certainly don’t expect when the beleagured hero (Butler) staggers into the mansion of the wealthy and powerful antagonist (Hall). And yes, that’s Cole Porter’s “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” which he’s lip-syncing to. +10 to awesome right there.

Ignore the dubbing at the end… But seriously, did you just imagine the character of Dexter the whole time you were watching this? Because I certainly did. It’s strangely perfect for our favorite psychopath.

Also, happy first of May, everyone.

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