I forgot to get back on here and tell you this last night, galleons, because I was flipping exhausted and just crashed. However, I will enlighten you now. Because this was awesome… and hilarious.
Let’s set the scene:
It’s after midnight. A dim, cool basement in an innocuous middle class home in Greybull. Two young people are seated on a bed, staring intently at the large screen television. From the speakers on the dresser, the Fantastic Four soundtrack is playing from a little black iPod. The two individuals, siblings, clutch Xbox 360 controllers in their hands, completely focused on their task. The echoes of screaming zombies and shotgun blasts echo forth from the television.
So, you know, just a typical round of Left4Dead 2.
Now, here’s where it gets awesome. We’re at the finale of the “Dark Carnival” campaign. We’re crowded on the stage, surrounded by gas cans and fireworks, just laying waste to the undead masses swarming up the stairs. Ellis is getting beaten by the Charger. Nobody cares.
Suddenly, there’s a lull. We all brace ourselves, waiting for the telltale roar of the Tank. Sure enough, we hear his bellow, and start looking around for the beefy baddie. We can’t find him.
He doesn’t come within our field of vision, which makes us nervous. I shoot myself with adrenaline, hoping to save my health pack for later. After a bit, his music still sounding, the hoard decides to descend.
And then, out of fucking nowhere, the Tank shows up, standing at the bottom of the stage.
We do the only thing we can do- we fucking unload into the gas cans. A veritable ocean of fire springs up around the stage, catching both the Tank and the hoard in its burning grip of death.
It’s at this exact moment that the chorus to that Ben Moody/Anastacia song, Everything Burns, starts playing. I need you to picture this. Imagine with all your brain. The screen is sharpened by the adrenaline, and the sounds onscreen are dulled. We’re standing there, on the stage, surrounding by zombies burning to death. There’s fire as far as our virtual eyes can see. And in the background, my speakers are pumping out:
Till everything burns
While everyone screams
Burning their lies
Burning my dreams
All of this hate
And all of this pain
I’ll burn it all down
As my anger reigns
Till everything burns
I shit you not, we could do nothing but stand there in awe of the moment. It was… beautiful.
So then, after we kill everything, we make our run for the helicopter. I have a katana, and I’m just hacking away. My screen is covered in blood. Behind me, Chris is shooting the zombies on our flank. He has very little health. We both know he’s not going to make it, and I don’t have the health or time (there was a Tank on our tail) to revive him when he goes down. Without saying a word, I know we have the same plan- he’s going to keep them off me long enough for me to escape. He’s going down like a hero. Or something.
And that’s how it plays out.
And as I’m standing there, on the helicopter, looking down as the zombies swarm his body… and he lies on the ground, looking up toward the helicopter as the undead descend upon him in a wave… I leap up, grab my iPod, and scroll down to another song from the same soundtrack.
As I fly to safety and he dies like a bitch, Breaking Point’s Goodbye to You plays.
I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a while.