A conversation between myself and a friend (Kayla) while shopping on Thursday… also known as “one of those moments when Sam acts particularly stupid”:
Me: Oh, mood rings! I had such a huge fetish for these as a kid! *pause* Well, okay, maybe I never grew out of them. I’m pretty sure I just bought one a few years ago.
Her: What happened to it?
Me: I broke it. I always break them. They turn a freaky gray-purple color.
Her: Is that supposed to mean something?
Me: I always assumed it just meant “bitchy.”
Her: You should get one. I want to see you break it.
Me: I’ll just put it on. Bet you it flips out and gets stuck on the ugly dinosaur color. *puts ring on finger*
Her: Oooh, it’s changing color.
Me: Of course it is. It’s just a thermometer. It’s science, yo.
Her: You ruin everything. *stares at the ring* It stopped. Blue. What’s that mean?
Me: Nothing. It means nothing. It’s stupid.
Her: *reading off the card* Love. It means you’re in love.
Me: Told you. It’s stupid. I’m not in love. There are no cute boys around here.
Her: *grinning* Well, you were just texting someone.
Me: Yeah. I text. Big deal. So does that five-year-old over there. She’s probably better at it than me.
Her: You hate texting, Sam.
Her: So, every time you read one of those texts, you smiled.
Me: You act like I never smile.
Her: Not like that.
Me: What are we, thirteen? Are you really saying this shit? Would you like to braid my hair and have a slumber party while we’re at it?
Her: So, do you like him or do you like like him?
Me: I hate you so hard right now.
Kayla has known me for two months, doesn’t even know the guy, and already has me pegged. Motherfucker.