I have decided to quit smoking.

I know I’ve said it before. You probably don’t believe me. But, I am. For a few reasons. I don’t enjoy it anymore. It’s expensive as hell. And, oh yeah, it’s a disgusting fucking habit.

Regardless, I have to say that the comments you get when you decide to quit smoking are some of the most irritating fucking things in the world.

There are three primary camps:

  1. The nonsmokers- They don’t smoke. They never smoked. They don’t approve of smoking. They look upon smokers with disdain. And when they catch wind that someone is trying to kick the habit, they swoop down upon them like Christian biddies on a recovering crack addict. With near religious zeal, they proclaim that you are making the healthy and smart choice, say hallelujah. Basically, they are condescending assholes with a stick of nicotine-free piety shoved up their asses.
  2. The asshole smokers- You’ve been sharing ashtrays for some time now. They know you. You know them. And when they hear you are quitting, they play at being supportive. “Hey, good for you.” But then they start up. “It’s going to be hard, you know. Don’t quit cold turkey- you’re more likely to relapse. I know, I’ve done it.” And every time they see you, they ask you how you’re doing. “Have you caved yet? No? Wow, good for you!” Basically, they are all sitting around, placing bets on when you’re going to rejoin the cancerous fold.
  3. The complete-and-total-fucking-douchebag smokers- They never even pretend to support your decision. “Why would you quit smoking? What’s wrong with you?” or “You’ll never make it.” All the time. Every time they see you, they offer you a smoke. Say they’re trying to help you out.

I just want to stab them all.

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