The Post That Some Might Find Hard to Swallow

We’ll start this off with a touch of class:

Oh yes, this post will just be oozing sophistication.


As you may have guessed by now, my ever astute galleons, we’re going to be talking about semen in today’s post. I would like to say we’re going to do so in an intelligent and serious manner, but I really can’t promise the latter.

But then, severe immaturity is a limitation of mine you are already aware of, so I figure you’ll just roll your eyes and press on. Because you love me.


Let’s start with a few basic facts about semen.

While sperm are the stars of the show, semen is composed of a lot more than just those wriggling spawn-makers. In fact, only 10% of semen is spermatozoa. The rest of the seminal fluid is a mixture of nutrients to promote the survival of the sperm through the treacherous, acidic landscape of the vagina (so like a woman, am I right?) and a medium through which they can swim.

Good times.

This extra 90% is comprised of things like fructose, water, ascorbic acid (vitamin C), citric acid, phosphates, proteins, calcium, bicarbonate buffers, zinc, and various and sundry enzymes.

Of course, sperm is the portion of seminal fluid that causes the most hoopla:


I can ruin your life, ladies.

And while it’s true that sperm and the reproductive process constitute a fascinating aspect of human biology, instead of focusing heavily on sperm like most folks do when discussing semen, I’ve decided we’re going to skip over them today.

Deal with it.


What I actually want to focus on today is not the sperm aspect of semen, but rather the potential benefits of fellatio.

That’s right- the health benefits of oral sex. In my mind, this is more fun than the making of babies. Screw children- bring on the oral.


When it comes to sexual health (male or female), the more sex a person’s having, the better. And this doesn’t just mean regular intercourse. Oral sex can be a great way to maintain your sexual health.

Also, it’s a damn good time.

For men, receiving regular oral sex can lead to a decreased risk for colon cancer, and a lowered risk of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation problems. Basically, the more sex you’re having, the better you are at it.

Practice makes perfect, after all.


And while male sexual health is all fine and dandy, I am more interested in the benefits for the lady going down on her man. Surprisingly, there are a number of possible health benefits of swallowing semen after performing fellatio (so you pussy bitches who spit… stop it).

Semen has been found to have anti-depressant qualities, both as a result of unprotected vaginal sex and oral sex. Remember how seminal fluid is comprised of all different compounds? Well, it also happens to contain some mood-elevating compounds, like seratonin, endorphins, and oxytocin. Women who perform fellatio (or have regular sex without a condom) have been found to be happier and display less symptoms of depression than ladies who make their man suit up.

From a scientific viewpoint, this makes sense. By including “upper” compounds in semen, nature has crafted it so women will want to have sex more. After all, we always want to do things that make us happy. And more sex means more chances for procreation.

Unless, of course, we’re dealing with oral sex. Now, with the risk of terror babies thrown out the window, the act becomes a pure pleasure act. Which is deliciously decadent, on both ends.

Fellatio also has the potential to lower the risk of breast cancer in women. By simply performing fellatio one or two times a week, a woman can lower her risk of developing breast cancer. The research into this connection consisted of two groups of women- those who had performed fellatio and swallowed on a regular basis over a 5-10 year period, and those who had not or did not swallow. What researchers found was that the swallowers had a breast cancer rate of 1.9%, while the non-swallowers had a breast cancer rate of 10.4%. A rather significant difference, no? The key to this seems to be the protein and enzyme count in semen, but researchers are still looking into the specifics. Regardless, the correlation between fellatio and lowered breast cancer risk seems pretty solid.


So… why not swallow? It seems like there are plenty of potential benefits. What are the drawbacks?

The only real drawbacks to performing fellatio/swallowing come from the taste and texture of semen itself.

As far as the taste of semen… frankly, I think most people who bitch about it are just being pussies. While it doesn’t taste like chocolate, semen has a unique taste all its own. I’ve always found it to be tangy and almost metallic, which I find quite pleasant, actually. Sometimes, there’s a slightly bleachy taste to it (which is less pleasant, I’ll grant you), and I swear I’ve tasted almond on more than one occasion. On the whole, it’s a bit tangy, a bit salty, sometimes a smidgen sweet, and altogether not that fucking bad.

True, there are many ways to make your semen taste better simply by changing your diet. More fruit, less tobacco and caffeine, more veggies, lots of water… basically, the healthier you are, the better your spunk tastes.

What baffles me, though, is the fact that women can cringe and moan and say that semen is just so “icky,” then turn around and drink coffee or Budweiser or any number of bitter beverages that are “acquired tastes.” Instead of whining, maybe women should just make an effort to enjoy it, and eventually, they will. It’s much more pleasant than smoking a cigarette for the first time, for example, yet smokers who get beyond those first few nasty cigs eventually develop a taste for them.

Which is a terrible analogy, actually, because smoking is terrible for you and fellatio is not. Still, the whole flavor aspect stands.

One thing you can’t do much about, however, is the consistency of semen. While it comes out as a liquid, it almost immediately begins to coagulate into a jelly-like substance. This allows for greater adhesion within the vagina, keeping the sperm inside the body to continue along their journey. It’s quite evident when giving one’s partner a “pearl necklace,” where the semen jellifies (not a word, but I’m digging it) around the partner’s neck.

As an aside here, there is actually a woman who makes silver “pearl necklaces.” The description of her product reads, “Pearl Necklace is a seemingly amorphous cast silver shape on a chain that is actually an accurate representation of semen. It is a visual marker of chaos turned perfection through an act of beauty and lust. Pearl Necklace is a physical reminder of a fleeting moment of pleasure.”


Romantic, no?

But, to get back on track, this liquid-to-jelly effect is all fine and dandy when occurring downstairs or on the skin, but when it’s happening in the back of your throat… it’s a bit less pleasant. Kind of like swallowing snot. Still, considering the fact that men only ejaculate about one teaspoon of the stuff at a time, I think most women can suck it up and swallow it down.


Besides, the Bible tells you to.

The Christian Bible makes several references to oral sex and how it is both accepted and even encouraged in Christianity. Dozens of references to oral sex can be found in Song of Solomon, and it’s intimated in many passages of the Bible that oral sex should be used when you wish to keep yourself pure or chaste, or if you don’t want to have children, but you don’t want to “spill your seed upon the ground.”

Don’t defy Jesus.


But moving beyond fellatio for a second here, there are other studies relating to semen and sperm that I want to touch on.

Researchers at Georgetown University Medical Center have managed to prod human sperm-producing cells into producing insulin instead. They used human spermatogonial cells from the testes and placed them into a special medium. See, while they are little sperm-making machines within the testes, once they are outside the testes, they actually behave a lot like human egg cells, and there are genes that can be turned on or off that will make them act very similar to embryonic stem cells.

In the past, researchers have induced pluripotent stem cells into becoming insulin-producing cells, but in order to do so, they had to insert outside genes into the cells. These outside genes could cause additional problems, including causing cancer. But the spermatogonial cells can simply be chemically “coaxed” into becoming insulin-producers, removing those negative side effects.

These transformed spermatogonial cells were then transplanted into mice, where they temporarily cured type 1 diabetes in the rodents.

“The goal is to coax these cells into making enough insulin to cure diabetes. These cells don’t secrete enough insulin to cure diabetes in humans yet,” cautioned study senior researcher G. Ian Gallicano, an associate professor in the department of Biochemistry and Molecular and Cellular Biology.

He hopes that transplanting these changed cells into specific parts of the human body could help achieve longer blood sugar control.

The only side effect of concern, said Gallicano, is a certain type of tumor called a teratoma. But, it would probably take significantly more transplanted cells than would likely be needed before such a tumor might potentially be created.

And while it’s important not to pin all our hopes on this one avenue of diabetes research, it’s worth noting that this could prove a vital step in creating a cure for type 1 diabetes.

And it’s all because of those sperm-producing cells.


And now, we move from human semen to the seminal fluid of another species.

No, not horses.


There is a protein in male mosquito semen nicknamed the “sex peptide” that signals his mosquito lady friend to start laying eggs and biting creatures for their delicious bloodstuffs (only female mosquitoes in egg-laying mode feed on blood). Recently, researchers found the female “sex receptor” that recognize the signal from the “sex peptide.”

Why is this important… at all? Well, scientists believe that they might be able to use this information to essentially block the sex receptor and decrease mosquito-borne malaria.


So, what have we learned today, galleons?

  1. Semen is more than just sperm.
  2. It’s also kind of interesting, health-wise.
  3. I swear to Feynman, it can taste like almonds (has anyone else noticed this?).
  4. Swallowing is both healthy for you and what Jesus wants you to do.

I leave you with the following (in addition to the above list, today I also learned how to embed YouTube videos that start at a specific spot… I’m proud of me):

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