An Excerpt From “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”

I love this book. I first read it in middle school, for the dumbest reason ever: because I like to win things. We had this reading competition at our school every year (some form of Books Across America or something), with various books being assigned certain point values. You read the book, took a quiz (to prove you read it), and then you were given points for it. It was the year Kevin and I were racing neck-and-neck for the title. Which was how I found myself not sleeping the final night of the competition, curled up on the floor of our bathroom with Terry Brooks’ First King of Shannara, which was worth a whopping 24 or so points. And on that last day… I found myself tied with Kevin.

I would accept nothing less than absolute victory, galleons. I had watched Kevin take his last test, the test that brought him even with me, and I knew he had nothing else. So, being the cunt I am, I scoured the list, finding a novel worth a mere 1 or 2 points. A novel I could speed read during class instead of paying attention (…which I pretty much always did anyway), test on, and gain victory with.

Oh, it was a dick move. Such a dick move. But I grabbed The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time off the shelf and did just that, thoroughly breaking Kevin’s spirit to the point where he didn’t even bother trying to win the next year, allowing me to claim victory once again.

I like to win, dammit.

Despite reading the book solely because I’m a massive cunt, I found the little novel endearing. I relate to many aspects of the autistic main character, from his detestation of the color yellow to his love of science to his inability to relate to people and their panoply of emotions.

In fact, this particular snippet may be the best description I’ve ever found as to why interacting with people can be so goddamn difficult (and it’s funny, because it’s about that goddamn single eyebrow quirk):

I find people confusing.

This is for two main reasons.

The first main reason is that people do a lot of talking without using any words. Siobhan [his therapist/mentor] says that if you raise one eyebrow it can mean lots of different things. It can mean “I want to do sex with you” and it can also mean “I think that what you just said was very stupid.”

The rest is unimportant. This is the gem. I love everything about this segment, particularly the phrasing “I want to do sex with you.”