Splish Splosh

“The first time I go down on a girl, I hope her vagina has been marinated in lime Jell-O.”

This post is for you, Benjamin.

***

The idea of food and sex being somehow entwined isn’t a terribly difficult idea to swallow. As evidenced by that last sentence (which I refuse to apologize for), many sexual terms have their root in food. Swallowing. Eating out. 90% of the slang terms for genitals (my personal favorite being “the prawn of pleasure” for the clitoris).

Having someone cook for you can be stimulating in the nether bits. Watching someone eat can cause strange frothings of desire in the pit of your stomach. Hell, let’s face it- eating can be incredibly erotic.

And we often incorporate food into our bedroom play, with chocolate and honey and whipped cream messes that make your partner into a writhing slice of dessert.

What you might not realize is that latter bit of food play is actually the vanilla version of wet and messy fetishism.

Come, galleons. Let’s get squelchy.

***

Wet and messy (WAM) fetishism is sexual arousal to substances liberally applied to the skin or clothing of a person. Substances that are, you guessed it, wet and/or messy. Pie. Water. Paint. Mud. Oil. Pudding. Jell-O. Baked beans. Slurpees. Eggs. Spaghetti. You know, whatever floats your WAM dinghy.

And when I say liberally applied, I’m talking about application of a supremely generous nature. No dainty, artistic dribbling here- WAM fetishists are looking for full-coverage goop.

WAM fetishism is most popular over in Britland, where they affectionately refer to it as sploshing. The term sploshing has its roots in a 1989 magazine, titled Splosh!, which was a magazine dedicated to WAM fetishism. Though it ended after a run of 40 issues, it is still considered the quintessential WAM publication.

Sploshers have a wide variety of “substance application” techniques beyond just pouring. Some sit on (or roll around in) cakes. Some throw pies at one another. Some wrestle about in giant pools of pudding. Maybe some even have a leisurely lounge in mashed potatoes.

And, while the majority of internet sploshers appear to be ladies (so. many. ladies), that shouldn’t stop you gents from getting down and dirty if you so desire.

***

But… why? Why would someone splosh? What is the sexual appeal in covering oneself in tapioca pudding? Do we honestly need to add more squishy, squelchy sounds to the sex game?

There are a few reasons why people might be drawn to the world of WAM. For some people, it’s all about the texture and feel of the substances applied. Just as many (myself included) find the sensation of silk sliding over the skin deeply erotic, so too do some people find the soft squishing of custard arousing.

For those that lean more toward the “wet” portion of WAM fetishism, it may simply be that being covered in a wet substance is titillating because it is so reminiscent of the natural moisture a body secretes when excited.

Or maybe it’s the mess that excites, that taboo thrill of tearing away the mask of civility. We are taught to be clean and orderly. What a rush it must be for some to throw that out, to coat oneself or one’s partner in sweet, sweet chaos and bring out a more animalistic nature.

And for some… for some, it’s just fun. It’s silly and often rather childish, and it’s this fact alone that draws people in. Sex isn’t always candles and silk and Barry White. Sex is fun, and it’s also funny. Why not celebrate that? Why not exaggerate the ridiculous? From a serious study of the patterns of desire to a slap-stick game, sploshing can bring the playful aspect of sex back for many people.

There’s been a bit of theorizing that fetishes form based on what one is or is not exposed to during adolescence, a time when the hormones are coursing through our bodies like raging rivers (apparently… you know, I just don’t remember my hormones running amok on me as a teen… maybe they’re making up for it now). Things like television programs could possibly have an impact on our kinks later in life.

I always knew that Summer Sanders was nothing but a trollop.

Nickelodeon was like the gateway drug to sploshing for our generation.

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