Is Your Penis a Security Risk?

If your name is Jonah Falcon, the answer may be yes.

Not only does Jonah sport a pretty decent porn nom de guerre, he’s known (by those who watch documentaries about oversized phalluses, I presume) for having the world’s largest penis. Measuring in at about 9.5 inches flaccid and a cringe-inducing 13.5 inches erect, Jonah’s penis is so massive he actually has to strap it down. Imagine that- waking up every morning and, as part of your morning routine, having to decide which leg to strap your cock to.

Hell, just imagine waking up with that

Anyway, Jonah was attempting to board a plane in San Francisco last week when TSA agents caught a glimpse of his… abnormal bulge. Instead of quickly averting their eyes and trying to not stare at his crotch, the TSA folks decided that massive lump must be some kind of biological threat.

They asked Jonah if he had something in his pocket, which he responded in the negative to. This required him to be led through various scanners before the personal pat-down. And though he kept trying to tell them it was his dick, the agents weren’t going to let him through that easily. While the gentleman patting him down patted all around Jonah’s penis without ever groping the massive wang, they also wiped Jonah’s hands and sprinkled some sort of powder on his pants to check for explosives.

Jonah was pretty good-natured about it all, though, being more amused by it than anything.

Next time, though, he’s going to be prepared. “I’m just gonna wear bike shorts from now on,” he said. “That way, they’ll know.”

Yeah Jonah, they’ll know. And instead of a simple pat-down, you’re going to get a female TSA agent pressing against you in an isolated bathroom stall, purring something about an “unattended package” that she’s going to have to check.

Then again… I suppose having your cock in someone’s mouth for “security reasons” wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

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