Just Because It’s Shark Week (Part the First)

Two of the coolest sharks (I mean, all sharks are fucking badass, but these ones are awesome on top of that natural shark swagger) I’ve ever seen hail from the dark, cold, pressure-heavy depths of the ocean.

Want to meet them, galleons?

*drumroll please*

First up, we have the goblin shark (Mitsukurina owstoni). At first glance, the only really interesting thing about the goblin shark is its pinkish hue (its transparent skin makes the blood vessels underneath visible). It’s got a long nose, sure, but it still looks pretty normal by shark standards.

But if you look closely, you’ll see these strange folds of skin in the shark’s throat region. Those are part of what really makes the goblin shark so cool. Those skin folds are part of the shark’s extendable throat. See, the goblin shark has weird, protrusible jaws, allowing it to essentially shoot its teeth-covered maw right out of its normal home in the shark’s face in order to capture prey.

That’s right- secretly hidden underneath the shark’s elongated snout is one of the Alien chest-bursting titular characters. Bizarre, no? It’s even weirder when you see it happen (unless you happen to be H.R. Giger, in which case images like this are probably fairly routine).

BEHOLD THE GOBLIN SHARK IN ACTION

Part 2 of our Weird Shark Double Feature is the frilled shark (Chlamydoselachus anguineus). Do not let its deceptively delicate name fool you, though. This is a dead-eyed creature of nightmare:

It’s like a shark and an eel went out, got drunk, and made one ugly ass baby. The frilled shark (named for the frilly appearance of its gills), beyond being a serpent-esque grotesquerie, is unique in that it has terminally positioned jaws, rather than jaws tucked on the underside of its face (as is the case with most sharks). This means its bite doesn’t carry quite as much force as other sharks, but it might not need it. While we don’t know much about its feeding habits (due to lack of observation of the critter in its natural habitat), we have noticed that it has a tendency to swim around with its mouth wide open:

As you may have noticed in the video, the frilled shark has really strange teeth. Needle-like and arranged in clusters, these recurved teeth could act as hooks, snagging onto the soft bodies of squid and jellyfish, essentially hooking them in the shark’s mouth to be devoured.

Feed me, Seymour.

Regardless, it all adds up to one scary looking (and totally bitchin’) shark.

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