The Best School Closing Excuse I’ve Ever Heard

When you were young, school was sometimes closes for the day. Usual culprits were bomb threats, power outages, and snow days (and apparently, in the mid-Michigan area this year, the barest traces of ice on dirt roads). Routine, normal excuses.

Nothing as awesome as this.

Last week, a Jamaican high school closed for, get this, demonic possession.

Oh yes.

The article in The Jamaican Star says, “the demon revealed himself and discouraged other students from praying for the possessed girl warning them that if they disobeyed he would leave the girl’s body and enter theirs instead.”

And so, to combat this mighty evil, the school administrators called in “a special prayer team” to combat the demon. It’s like a magnificent Saturday morning cartoon put out by a church.


So, the prayer team arrives, where they are met by a group of Baptist pastors who want in on the action. The two groups team up into a SUPER DEMON FIGHTING FORCE and enter the school.

As a witness said, “The pastors said dem feel the evil spirit all over the school so they called the school population to an assembly. In the middle of assembly, suddenly out of the ceiling, a bird’s head, cut off from the bird, drop down inna the middle of the assembly. It was chaos after that.”


Now, school administration has been very tight-lipped about the event to the press, stating, “Whatever took place was not something drastic. Whoever told you should have given all the details.”

Apparently, dead bird heads fall from the ceiling at this school all the time. That witness should have checked her facts.

So, the school’s being close-mouthed about it all, and we have one witness stating some goddamn demon shit went down. The truth?

Oh man, seriously. Who cares about the truth? This is the best damn story I’ve heard in ages.

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