Galleons, the deserts of Arizona are a treacherous place. And not just because of the oppressive heat and lack of water. No. There is a far greater danger to humanity hiding down here.
The motherfucking triffid.
Triffids, for those of you not in The Know are weird plants from the sci fi classic The Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham. I say classic because it’s often touted as such, but I don’t know anyone else who has read it, so how classic can it be, huh? HUH?
Anyway, in the story, a strange species of plant called a triffid has begun sprouting all over the world. These plants may or may not have been engineered by the goddamn Ruskies, but the narrator is pretty sure they aren’t aliens (despite the fact that they totally sound like aliens). Triffids are described as having a straight stem protruding upward from a woody bole (shaggy with rootlet hairs). The bole has three large projections from the lower part, like roots (these do, in fact, function as roots when the plant is stationary, but can be used to “walk” when the plant feels like picking up and being a super creepy Ent). At the top of the stem is a kind of funnel, from which protrudes a long, slender whip-like appendage with a sting at the end (which can, oh yeah, kill a man). Like this:
So, the triffids kind of take over after this crazy meteor shower blinds almost everyone and life is shit for the handful of folks who can still see and are trying to get by in this post-apocalyptic land.
On the whole, a solid sci fi book.
Anyway, as we were traveling the greater Arizona region this week, I looked outside and saw this:
MOTHERFUCKING DESERT TRIFFIDS ALL UP IN THIS BITCH.
Granted, upon closer inspection, they aren’t quite the same. But that was my first thought as I stared out over the land. And triffids would have to adapt to differing climates as they spread over the world. Who can say these aren’t a desert version of a triffid?
I’m just saying, the fucking apocalypse is upon us and it’s starting here. In Arizona. You can bet your ass I’ll be keeping my eye on these goddamn triffids.
You hear me, triffids? YOU WILL NOT GET ME.
…As an aside, galleons, I wouldn’t watch any meteor showers in the near future. Just in case.