“Statistically I Love You” Helen Arney

Baby
I’ve looked at this empirically
And I think you’re the one for me
Plus or minus three

You’re my man
And I want you to understand
How it feels when I hold your hand
So I’ll draw a Venn Diagram

Statistically I love you, and
Mathematically I need you, and
Graphically I want you, and
On average, I’m going to make you mine

You’re beautiful
My love for you is irrational
It’s constant, it’s recurring, and it’s infinite, and you can use it to calculate
The circumference of a circle of any known diameter
Maybe that’s not love, maybe I’m just thinking of pi

Oh, pi

Statistically I love you, and
Geometrically I need you, and
Geophysically I want you, and
My calculations suggest I’m gonna make you mine

If you were a logarithm I’d be your exponential
Your grasp of arithmetic I find quite sensual
Give me your raw data and I’ll show my conclusion
Give me a new equation and I’ll name a biscuit after you

Like Choco Leibniz or
Fig Newton or
Petit Fourier (not technically a biscuit, but) or
Thomas Hobbesnob or
Pythagoras Cream

Statistically I love you, therefore
Logically I need you, and
Categorically I want you, and
Theoretically you are already mine

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