Korean ‘Clam Bake’ (Eat Your Heart Out, New England)

For many women, a day at the spa is their way of pampering themselves and relaxing after a rough week. Avocado mask, cucumbers on the eyes, mud baths, seaweed wraps, hot stones, massages, cooch steaming…

Wait, what?

Actually, this whole ‘vaginal steam bath’ thing has been around for quite some time (Koreans have been doing chai-yok, as they call it, for centuries), which might dampen the humor value for some of you. But for people like me, who have never gone to a spa (and have absolutely no plan to) and therefore have no idea what myriad of specialty offerings they have for one’s genitals, this shit be hilarious.

So, here’s how this whole thing works:

A lady walks into a spa and asks for a V-steam (which is the oh-so-adorable little name for this procedure). She is then escorted to a room, where she disrobes and sits on an open-seated stool (kind of like a toilet, because snatch steaming is classy like that). She is then draped in a plastic-y tent thing, and a cauldron (you heard me) beneath her little stool is filled with a hot herb bath which includes mugwort and wormwood. And she sits there with her genitals basking in a strong-smelling steam for 30-45 minutes.

Fun stuff.

Depending on where you go, the treatment varies a bit. In classy New York spas, you get the courtesy of your own little room to cooch cleanse in. But if you were to go to some of the more no-fuss Korean spas, you’d be doing this whole tented-cunt-sauna treatment right out in the lobby area.

Now, why would you get one of these miracle pussy vapor treatments? Supposedly, it will ‘rid the body of toxins’ and help women with menstrual cramps, bladder infections, kidney problems and fertility issues. Supposedly. There’s no proven benefit to these treatments, but hey, whatever floats your boat (or steams your vag).

And for those of you who want to do it at home, don’t worry! The set up is easy enough to re-create and you can buy the herb mixture online!

Vagi-Steam. Because it’s just not soothing unless it sounds like a carpet treatment product.

Which it kind of is, isn’t it? *rim shot*

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