The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Tenth)

After a lengthy hiatus, we are back with the further adventures of Zeldissa.



(14:43) Sam: Adventure time, come on grab your friends

(14:43) Sam: We’re going to very distant lands

(14:43) Sam: With Yuniss the pixie and Zeldissa the hero

(14:43) Sam: The fun will never end, adventure tiiimmmmeeeee

(14:43) Sam: (load last save? Y/N)

(14:43) Alissa: YESSSS

(14:44) Sam: (It’s been awhile, adventurer. Welcome back)

(14:50) Sam: (A quick recap of where we left off: Zeldissa had just defeated the mighty Wolfrog. She was sitting on a health bar that looked like this (0000000x) and still had some Wolfrog blood on her. She probably won’t take more than one segment of damage from it, but she has the option of washing it off with the really gross water (and potentially contracting a disease). She was in a room with a lower exit (which she came through… does that make it an entrance? what if she leaves through it too? which would it be then?), an upper exit, and something shiny glinting in the far corner)

(14:50) Sam: (what does our heroine want do to?)

(14:53) Sam: (apparently nothing)

(14:53) Alissa: SHINY

(14:57) Sam: Zeldissa promptly ignored the burning sensation on her back and slogged through the shallow, murky water toward the shiny thing in the distance.

(14:57) Sam: She felt like she’d been walking for ages, but it was really, like, 30 steps. But it was through mud and muck, which exhausted our already weakly and tired heroine.

(14:58) Sam: Zeldissa pulled out her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device and Yuniss cast a tiny pink glow into the darkness.

(14:58) Sam: The corner contained…

(14:58) Sam: …

(14:58) Sam: …

(14:58) Sam: A table

(14:58) Sam: A ratty old table.

(14:58) Sam: With three legs

(14:59) Sam: Falling apart

(14:59) Sam: Honestly, a stiff breeze would knock this thing over. Thank goodness it was in a breezeless cave (though Zeldissa wondered how the crashing about of her epic battle did not finish the poor piece of furniture off)

(15:00) Sam: But atop this battered, ancient table, there lay a panoply of gems and goodies

(15:00) Sam: Shiny necklaces

(15:00) Sam: Sprangly bracelets

(15:00) Sam: Shimmerating rings

(15:01) Sam: Stacks of gold

(15:02) Sam: Shammerangy gemstones

(15:02) Sam: Socks

(15:02) Sam: Lots of socks, actually

(15:02) Sam: A weird amount of socks

(15:02) Sam: And a small wooden box, dusty from age

(15:03) Sam: Zeldissa gazed upon the treasure. A single tear glinted in her eye.

(15:05) Sam: Yuniss gasped and the light flickered.

(15:06) Sam: “Hold that steady!” Zeldissa shrieked. There was so much treasure on that unsteady table. What would she do with that much treasure? Where we she put it all? How would she get it all home? What did she even come into this cave for, anyway?

(15:09) Sam: Zeldissa stepped closer to the table. Slowly. In AWE.

(15:10) Sam: Soon, she was right at its edge. Yuniss’ light glinted off the treasure, casting tiny pinkish light freckles across Zeldissa’s slack-jawed face.

(15:10) Sam: As she took a final step and reached for the treasure…

(15:10) Sam: She felt the ground give a little under her foot and heard a loud “click” of something triggering.

(15:11) Sam: Zeldissa was a hardened adventure. Tough as nails. If the nails were made of sunshine and marshmallow.

(15:11) Sam: She grabbed the first thing she could off the table and rolled to the side just as the table, treasure, and floor dropped down into nothingness.

(15:12) Sam: Murky water poured down into the newly formed abyss. Zeldissa crept the few inches back to the edge and looked down.

(15:13) Sam: The rickety table had been impaled on a series of hideously long, rusty spikes protruding from the bottom of the pit. The water continued to drain down, treasures glinting from below the grisly scene of the table’s demise.

(15:13) Sam: *Too close* muttered Yuniss. *We need to get out of here. This place is trying ot kill us*

(15:14) Sam: “Agreed,” Zeldissa said. She walked back across the room.

(15:14) Sam: She needed to select an exit. The lower one (which she entered from) or the upper one?

(15:14) Sam: (Well? Choose)

(15:20) Alissa: Upper

(15:21) Sam: Zeldissa had already been through the lower exit (and did not want to deal with all the philosophical musings welling in the narrator about the state of the entrance/exit), so she waltzed through the upper.

(15:23) Sam: There were three paths: Left, forward, and right.

(15:23) Sam: (Which path will yon heroine choose?)

(15:24) Alissa: Right

(15:24) Sam: Zeldissa walked along the right hand path, fumbling the treasure she snatched off the table into her bag (she would look at it later).

(15:25) Sam: She soon reached another junction… only it wasn’t a junction. Just a left turn.

(15:25) Sam: And so, she continued on to the left

(15:25) Sam: And soon, she reached another junction. A real one this time.

(15:25) Sam: (Path choices are Left, Forward, Right)

(15:26) Sam: (Please choose)

(15:26) Alissa: Right

(15:30) Sam: Zeldissa went right. Right to a t-junction.

(15:30) Sam: (Left or right?)

(15:30) Alissa: Left

(15:30) Sam: Confident, feeling alive and free and like she just survived monsters and traps (because she did), Zeldissa walked down the left hand path.

(15:31) Sam: Which led to a dead end.

(15:32) Sam: As she turned to leave, she felt the ground give a little under her foot again.

(15:32) Sam: There was another *click*, softer this time.

(15:33) Sam: “Oh, motherfu-” Zeldissa started, but she stopped mid word in order to start sprinting down the hallway.

(15:33) Sam: Because the walls were grinding inward

(15:33) Sam: At a rather alarming rate

(15:36) Sam: (We shall consult the 8-ball to determine our heroine’s fate)

(15:44) Sam: Zeldissa reached into her bag as she ran and withdrew her remaining sissy health potion.

(15:45) Sam: She lobbed it through the air. It landed on the ground in front of her. Zeldissa dove into an amazing slide. She whooshed down the corridor at phenomenal speed. On her way past the t-junction, she stuck out a hand. She snagged the wall as she past and threw herself back into the other corridor just as the whole thing sealed up behind her.

(15:48) Sam: She stood up and dusted herself off.

(15:50) Sam: (Save game? Y/N)

(15:55) Sam: (I will just assume yes)

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