The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Sixteenth)

And now, back to our regularly scheduled adventure.



(13:13) Sam: *doodly doo doodle doo*

(13:13) Sam: (Load last save? Y/N)

(13:13) Alissa: YES

(13:14) Sam: Zeldissa tip toed into the dark, dark cave.

(13:15) Sam: Unlike the last cave she had been in, this one was dry. And she could feel heat emanating from deep within, melting the snow on her fancy new jacket.

(13:18) Sam: As her eyes adjusted to the dark, dark cavern, she could see…

(13:18) Sam: Well, not much, honestly.

(13:18) Sam: It was a dark, dark cavern.

(13:21) Sam: But she thought she could see the barest flicker of light much deeper into the mountain.

(13:21) Sam: Zeldissa pulled out her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device. It glowed with the faintest light.

(13:21) Sam: “Hey” she whispered to Yuniss. “Do you think you could make a light for me?”

(13:22) Sam: *Are you kidding?* hissed the pixie. *We’re in the lair of a DRAGON. I don’t want to draw attention to us.*

(13:22) Sam: It was a fair point, but Zeldissa was concerned about stumbling around in the super dark cave.

(13:22) Sam: (So… brave the cave with no light or tell Yuniss to just do what you say?)

(13:23) Alissa: Do what I say woman

(13:24) Sam: “Just do what I say” Zeldissa said, exasperated. Yuniss gave a tiny huff, but soon the COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device began to emit a pinkish light.

(13:25) Sam: By Yuniss’ light, Zeldissa could see… not much more, honestly. Yuniss’ light was pretty weak.

(13:26) Sam: But she could see great stone walls curving up over her head. The cave snaked further into the mountain, it appeared. There was just the one path, so Zeldissa crept along it, one hand on her scissors.

(13:30) Sam: The cave twisted around itself, but the way remained clear.

(13:31) Sam: Zeldissa began to hear a strange sound, like wind, coming from further down the stone corridor.

(13:40) Sam: *I don’t like this place* Yuniss whispered

(13:40) Sam: “You don’t like any place” Zeldissa muttered.

(13:40) Sam: Still, Zeldissa wasn’t really thrilled to be here, either. The quiet and the dark were starting to unnerve her.

(13:40) Sam: There were no monsters. No creatures. No traps.

(13:41) Sam: Just a seemingly endless corridor.

(13:41) Sam: With a sound she may or may not be imagining that sounded like really faint wind.

(13:46) Sam: Zeldissa started thinking about how there was a very real possibility that this adventure had driven her mad.

(13:47) Sam: Or that something else had, and this whole crazy adventure was just the construct of a delusional, broken mind.

(13:49) Sam: In fact, she contemplated this so hard that she didn’t see the elaborate stone door until she smacked into it.

(13:50) Sam: Dazed, she lay on the floor of the cavern, staring blearily up at the dark stone ceiling.

(13:51) Sam: *Graceful* Yuniss snickered.

(14:13) Sam: Slowly, Zeldissa got back on her feet.

(14:22) Sam: The door before her was ridiculously ornate. And golden. So golden.

(14:23) Alissa: (Don’t make it say speak friend and enter lol)

(14:23) Sam: Among the swirls and curls of the intricate flame carvings, there were a series of small gold boxes inset in the door.

(14:23) Sam: They formed a grid that looked like this:

(14:24) Sam: I_I_I_I





(14:24) Sam: (darn)_

(14:24) Sam: (let’s try that again:)

(14:24) Alissa: (lol)

(14:25) Sam: They looked like this:







(14:25) Sam: Or something

(14:25) Sam: (screw it)

(14:25) Sam: (this thing hates me)

(14:26) Sam: Five rows of three boxes

(14:26) Sam: Not whatever this stupid chat program keeps spitting out

(14:26) Sam: Glancing around, Zeldissa spied an equally ornate golden bowl standing near the door.

(14:27) Sam: It was dusty with age, but inside, Zeldissa could see a bevy of deep red stone spheres.

(14:27) Sam: Etched in a plaque on the wall was the following:

(14:30) Sam:   

(14:31) Sam: “Uh…” Zeldissa muttered. “Yeah, well, that’s no help at all.”

(14:31) Sam: *Actually, I can translate that* Yuniss piped up.

(14:31) Sam: There was a lengthy pause.

(14:31) Sam: “So… I mean… are you going to…?”

(14:32) Sam: *Am I going to what?”

(14:32) Sam: (* not “)

(14:32) Sam: (I suck at this today)

(14:32) Sam: “Are you going to translate that?”

(14:33) Sam: *Oh… why?*

(14:33) Sam: “Because it’s probably important!” Zeldissa snapped

(14:33) Sam: *Looks important, yeah*

(14:33) Sam: The pixie grinned wickedly.

(14:34) Sam: *Okay, I’ll stop torturing you* she said. *This is what it says:

A serpent’s sound

The start of scales

Found in a whisper

And the end of tales*

(14:34) Sam: “ANOTHER STUPID POEM?!”

(14:34) Sam: *I think it’s a riddle* Yuniss mused.

(14:35) Sam: “Yeah, okay, great. A riddle. What does it mean?”

(14:35) Sam: *I think you need to solve it*

(14:35) Sam: “Can’t you solve it?”

(14:35) Sam: *Eh, I could* Yuniss said. *But I already translated it. It’s your turn to do something*

(14:35) Sam: “Great” muttered Zeldissa.

(14:35) Sam: “A serpent’s sound

The start of scales

Found in a whisper

And the end of tales”

(14:36) Sam: “And I’m guessing these red balls have something to do with it…”

(14:36) Sam: Zeldissa counted quickly. “11 balls… 15 holes in the door… 1 stupid riddle”

(14:37) Sam: (So… What do you do?)

(14:37) Alissa: dumb all the balls in the last hole in the door

(14:37) Alissa: dump*

(14:38) Sam: Zeldissa tried to shove all the balls in the last hole of the door.

(14:38) Sam: And she tried REALLY hard. But it soon became painfully obvious that only one red sphere would fit in each little hole.

(14:40) Sam: So now there was one little sphere in one little door hole. It looked like this:






(14:40) Sam: (haHA!)

(14:40) Sam: (ahem)

(14:40) Sam: (Anyway… any more ideas, player?)

(14:41) Alissa: ermh… can I take spheres out?

(14:41) Sam: Zeldissa reached into the little hole and removed the sphere. The door once again looked like this:






(14:41) Sam: (FINALLY- IT WORKS)

(14:42) Sam: (Now what?)

(14:42) Alissa: wellllll….. maybe make an S with the stones in the door

(14:44) Sam: Zeldissa started placing the ruby spheres in the door. Soon, she had crafted a letter ‘s’ in the door:






(14:44) Sam: With a groan and a shudder, the door swung open.

(14:44) Sam: *Wow* Yuniss said. *I did not think you’d figure that out*

(14:44) Sam: “Shut up” Zeldissa muttered.

(14:45) Sam: As the door opened, the sound of wind became louder.

(14:45) Sam: But the wind was… slow. Measured. Almost like…

(14:45) Sam: “It’s breathing” Zeldissa whispered.

(14:46) Sam: Something huge waited for her in the darkness. Something huge, breathing deeply… And Zeldissa had the sneaking suspicion it knew she was there.

“Little Yellow Clock or Why is Alissa Still Away?”

Today, instead of another installment of the thrilling adventures of Zeldissa, I have something else for you. This is mostly because there WAS no adventuring today. Because Ginger Assistant was elsewhere in the office all day. I was pretty lonely without her… so I wrote her this song.


It’s midway

Through a Monday

And I have nothing left to do

Just callbacks

And some feedback

For our ever-dwindling crew


I’m so bored

Here at this keyboard

That I’ve started timing calls

Here in this Hell

Answering emails

And staring blankly at the walls


Oooooohhhhhhhhhhh, Alissa

You don’t know how much I’ve missed ya


Locked here in this tiny cube

You really haven’t got a clue

How dull my life is without you


Oooooohhhhhhhhhhh, Alissa

You don’t know how much I’ve missed ya


I miss ya…….


The clock ticks away

The last hours of the day

But my god, this afternoon won’t die

I ask the 8 ball

But it says fuck all

And I think that I might finally cryyyyyy


The saddest thing, and this I know

Is how quick I was to let you go

And now I’m here, all alone

And you’ll just clock out and go hooooooooome


Oooooohhhhhhhhhhh, Alissa

You don’t know how much I’ve missed ya


Locked here in this tiny cube

You really haven’t got a clue

How dull my life is without you


Oooooohhhhhhhhhhh, Alissa

You don’t know how much I’ve missed ya


Oooooohhhhhhhhhhh, Alissa


*dramatic, sad whisper*