The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Eighth)

And now, for more epic questing (now with 90% more cliffhanger action).

***

(14:26) Sam: *doodly doo doo dun doo*

(14:27) Sam: (resume game? Y/N)

(14:27) Alissa: Yes!!

(14:27) Sam: (cool beans)

(14:27) Sam: Zeldissa walked away from the woman’s home, loot bag firmly in hand.

(14:27) Sam: She figured it would be best to go home to go through the bag of random items.

(14:27) Sam: (fast travel to Ekovah? Y/N)

(14:29) Alissa: Yes!

(14:29) Sam: (whizz. bang. pop)

(14:31) Sam: Zeldissa arrived back in Ekovah and rushed home, because frankly, she didn’t want to be stopped by another passerby needing heroic assistance for some trivial task.

(14:35) Sam: She shut her door and ran to the table, where she dumped the entire loot bag on the surface.

(14:36) Sam: A pile of really random objects fell out.

(14:37) Sam: Three highlighters (pink, yellow, blue), a ball of twine, some buttons, a very confused lizard, a magic 8 Ball, two broken pencils, and a very shiny gem.

(14:37) Sam: SO SHINY

(14:37) Sam: Zeldissa decided she probably wouldn’t need to take ALL of these items with her.

(14:37) Sam: Maybe.

(14:37) Sam: (please select which items you would like to add to your pack)

(14:37) Sam: (you have 4 inventory slots available at this time)

(14:37) Sam: (like items count as one slot)

(14:38) Alissa: the gem, the lizard… so tough..

(14:38) Alissa: the twine

(14:38) Alissa: the highlighters

(14:46) Sam: Zeldissa put the items in her bag (and shoved the rest in a drawer), then slung the thing over her shoulder and walked back outside.

(14:46) Sam: Sierra called to her from the area where she was coloring.

(14:46) Sam: “Zeldissa!” she cried. “Did you ever find that chalk?”

(14:46) Sam: (did you?)

(14:47) Alissa: No… I have a pink highlighter..

(14:48) Sam: “Oooo, that’ll work,” she cried. “Dez messed up my pony anyway. But I found some paper lying around at home, so highlighters would be great!”

(14:48) Sam: (give Sierra highlighters?)

(14:48) Alissa: Yes!

(14:48) Sam: (all of them or just the pink one?)

(14:48) Alissa: Hm.. the pink and yellow, I want the blue (:<

(14:49) Sam: (selfish heroine is selfish)

(14:52) Sam: Zeldissa told the girl “Not only do I have a pink highlighter, but I also have this yellow one for you.”

(14:52) Sam: “I’ll take it!” Sierra said, snatching the highlighters out of Zeldissa’s hand. “Thanks, hero lady!”

(14:52) Sam: “…That’s it?” Zeldissa muttered. “Thought I’d get some kind of reward.”

(14:53) Sam: *Isn’t being nice its own reward?* Yuniss asked sweetly.

(14:53) Sam: “NO”

(14:53) Sam: Zeldissa glared at the coloring child, then stomped away. “Besides, what would YOU know about being nice?”

(14:53) Sam: *I’m nicer than you!* Yuniss said. *Just ask the narrator!*

(14:54) Sam: (that narrator absolutely does not want to be involved in this- please do not drag her into it)

(14:55) Sam: Zeldissa contemplated dragging the narrator into it anyway.

(14:55) Sam: (oh god- are you really going to do that?)

(14:56) Alissa: (is this an actual question)

(14:56) Alissa: Because if so, yes, lol, I’m curious as to what the narrator will say

(14:59) Sam: (the narrator thinks you are both equally terrible)

(14:59) Sam: (there)

(14:59) Sam: (are you happy now?)

(14:59) Alissa: Yes fine

(15:03) Sam: (great. glad we got that out of the way)

(15:03) Sam: And so, no reward in hand, Zeldissa moved away from the girl.

(15:03) Sam: But to where?

(15:04) Sam: (where do you want to go?)

(15:04) Sam: (do you need to see your quest log again?)

(15:04) Alissa: Yes please

(15:04) Sam: (i hate you)

(15:04) Alissa: 🙂

(15:05) Sam: (Quest Log:

-find 3 Viko Root samples for Romeo

-obtain Only Slightly Grungy earpieces from Therdpahrty

-obtain Holy Pigtail from the lair of Sssssam

-save New Ophis from Cervar)

(15:06) Alissa: I guess I’ll do the other one for my peeps before I start the bigger stuff, I’ll do the Viko Root

(15:06) Sam: (New Ophis is doomed)

(15:06) Sam: Zeldissa decided that she would help Romeo and Mrs. Blessing by finding the Viko Root in the Natgrid Forest.

(15:07) Sam: And while wandering aimlessly around the forest, hoping she’d stumble upon something she’d NEVER SEEN BEFORE but that would probably be lit by magical sparks to denote it was a quest item seemed like a really tempting idea, she figured it might be wise to go ask Potter if he knew where any Viko Root was.

(15:07) Sam: After all, he knew EVERYTHING about the Natgrid Forest.

(15:08) Sam: (fast travel to Potter’s house? Y/N)

(15:08) Alissa: Yes!

(15:09) Sam: (kachow. fwish. glitter)

(15:10) Sam: Zeldissa stood before the home of Potter. The wise man sat in a chair on his front porch, smoking. The small red bird from before perched on a railing nearby. Also smoking. And twittering loudly.

(15:10) Sam: It was quite a feat, really.

(15:11) Sam: Potter looked up as Zeldissa approached.

(15:11) Sam: “I remember you,” he murmured. “The adventurer who helped my knights. What brings you back to the Natgrid?”

(15:12) Sam: “I was wondering if you knew where any Viko Root grew,” Zeldissa said. “I need some for an injured villager and a shopkeeper said you might-”

(15:12) Sam: “Oh yes, I know where some grows,” Potter said.

(15:12) Sam: And then he just kept smoking, while the bird chittered away. He chuckled a few times.

(15:13) Sam: “Uh… where?” Zeldissa prodded. Potter looked up.

(15:13) Sam: “You’re still here?”

(15:13) Sam: “Yes!” Zeldissa snapped. “You never told me where the Viko Root was.”

(15:13) Sam: Potter shrugged. “Aami, she asked if I knew where Viko Root grew, right?” The bird chirped once in what Zeldissa assumed was the affirmative.

(15:14) Sam: “And you didn’t tell me,” Zeldissa said.

(15:14) Sam: “No, I confirmed that I knew where some grew,” Potter said. “You didn’t ask me to tell you the location.”

(15:14) Sam: “…Seriously?”

(15:14) Sam: Aami let out a trilling little sound that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. Potter chuckled.

(15:15) Sam: “Just tell me where the Viko Root grows,” Zeldissa said. Potter glared at her sharply and she cowered a bit. “Uh… please.”

(15:16) Sam: “In my garden,” Potter said with a shrug.

(15:16) Sam: “What?”

(15:16) Sam: “My garden,” Potter said, gesturing to a row of neatly tended plants beside the house. “It’s the orange one. Help yourself.”

(15:16) Sam: “That’s… that’s it?” Zeldissa asked. “Really? It’s that easy?”

(15:17) Sam: “I’m here to help,” Potter chastised. “Just go ahead and take what you need.”

(15:20) Sam: “Uh… thanks,” Zeldissa said. She walked over to the garden, plucked three orange plants out by the root, and awkwardly waved at Potter and Aami as she pulled out her traveling stone.

(15:20) Sam: (fast travel to Ekovah? Y/N)

(15:21) Alissa: Yes!

(15:21) Sam: (sprangle. fwoosh. blip)

(15:23) Sam: Zeldissa arrived back in Ekovah, deposited the Viko Root with Romeo, and received +1 barely-there-shoes of speed.

(15:23) Sam: (the narrator is tired of the side quests and needs to move this thing along)

(15:23) Sam: (deal with it)

(15:24) Sam: *So…* Yuniss said. *Therdpahrty or the lair of Sssssam?*

(15:24) Sam: (where to, brave adventurer?)

Requested users attention [Author’s note: There’s an option on our chat program to request the other person’s attention. When you press it, the other person’s chat screen shakes violently for a few seconds. It’s REALLY FUNNY to scare people with]

(15:25) Alissa: Therdpahrty! I want to make sure theres time for the lair

(15:25) Sam: (PAY ATTENTION TO THE NARRATOR)

(15:25) Sam: (SHE FEELS UNLOVED)

(15:26) Alissa: (I AM, lol SORRY)\

(15:26) Sam: (that’s better)

(15:26) Sam: Zeldissa focused on her traveling stone…

(15:26) Sam: (shwinkle. sproing. jazz hands)

(15:28) Sam: Zeldissa stood on the shore of Kolecksion Lake. She realized, standing there, staring at the sharks swimming lazily below the surface, that she really had NO idea where to go.

(15:29) Sam: She wandered over to Treesh’s tree, but Treesh didn’t appear to be there.

(15:29) Sam: Lobi was a short walk away, but she felt, down in her adventuring gut, that Lobi was the wrong direction. And nobody would be able to help her, anyway.

(15:29) Sam: And so, she turned and started walking around the edge of the lake.

(15:31) Sam: The lake was larger than she first thought.

(15:32) Sam: While meandering about the watery expanse, she heard a tiny *YOLO* from her pocket.

(15:32) Sam: She pulled out her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device.

(15:32) Sam: “What, Yuniss?”

(15:33) Sam: *Because you keep ignoring me* the pixie said *I got bored and attuned myself to the energy of the Gently Used Headset.*

(15:33) Sam: “Okay…”

(15:33) Sam: *Which means that I can now sense where the remaining two pieces are* Yuniss said. Slowly. Really spelling it out for our heroine.

(15:34) Sam: “That… may be the most useful thing you’ve done this whole adventure” Zeldissa said.

(15:34) Sam: *Hey, I’m useful!* Yuniss squeaked. *Who gave you light? Who helped you cheat at cards?*

(15:35) Sam: “Okay, okay, you’re useful,” Zeldissa admitted. “But this is, like, REALLY useful. So, if you can sense where the other pieces of the Gently Used Headset are… where are the Only Slightly Grungy foam ear pieces?”

(15:36) Sam: *I…* Yuniss frowned a tiny, pixely frown. *There’s something interfering with the signal. It’s up ahead.*

(15:37) Sam: Zeldissa continued down the path. On her left, she noticed a cave entrance come into view.

(15:37) Sam: *There!* Yuniss shouted, pointing toward the cave. *The interference is coming from that way- I think the foam ear pieces might be in that cave.*

(15:38) Sam: “In THAT cave?” Zeldissa asked. The cave was dark and rather… damp looking. “Do I really have to go in there?”

(15:38) Sam: *YES*

(15:38) Sam: (are you really going to go into the moist, dark cave?)

(15:38) Alissa: Yes..

(15:38) Sam: (yes, the narrator recognizes the horrible euphemism there)

(15:38) Sam: (it was intentional)

(15:38) Sam: (you’re welcome)

(15:39) Sam: “Great…” Zeldissa muttered, walking into the cave. It soon got very dark. And there was a lot of water dripping off the stalactites onto her head. She did not like this cave already.

(15:40) Sam: “Yuniss, a little help, please?”

(15:40) Sam: *I already told you, this cave is interfering with the signal, I can’t get a read on the ear pieces*

(15:40) Sam: “I meant a light, Yuniss”

(15:40) Sam: *Oh…* the pixie sighed *FINE*

(15:40) Sam: And a pink light shone forth from the communication device.

(15:41) Sam: Zeldissa continued forward… only to reach a fork. The cave split, with one passage going to the left and the other one going to the right.

(15:41) Sam: “Is this… is this place a MAZE?!”

(15:42) Sam: *Uh… maybe* Yuniss said.

(15:42) Sam: “I could be stuck here for DAYS. I didn’t bring enough supplies. We have to go back”

(15:42) Sam: *Wait, no, I think I can help* Yuniss said. *Take out your traveling stone*

(15:43) Sam: Zeldissa did, and the pink light was directed at the stone. It shone a brilliant purple for a moment.

(15:43) Sam: *There* Yuniss said proudly *I upgraded it. Because I’m awesome*

(15:43) Sam: “…You couldn’t do that before?”

(15:44) Sam: *Eh, I didn’t feel like it* Yuniss said. *ANYWAY, now you can set a warp portal here. That way, if we reach a dead end, we can always just warp back to the beginning instead of retracing our steps and probably getting lost and dying because you are so bad at adventuring*

(15:44) Sam: “Thanks” Zeldissa said. “…I think”

(15:44) Sam: (set warp portal at cave entrance? Y/N)

(15:44) Alissa: Yes!

(15:45) Sam: Zeldissa set a warp portal at the cave entrance. “Okay, let’s do this”

(15:45) Sam: (left or right?)

(15:45) Alissa: Right

(15:45) Sam: Zeldissa confidently strode down the right-hand corridor.

(15:45) Sam: It continued in much the same way for a while, before she found another junction.

(15:45) Sam: (left, right, or forward?)

(15:46) Alissa: Forward

(15:46) Sam: Once again, Zeldissa boldly selected a direction and continued forward.

(15:46) Sam: She soon reached a corner, but her only option was to turn left.

(15:46) Sam: So she did.

(15:47) Sam: Which led her to another junction.

(15:47) Sam: (forward or right?)

(15:47) Alissa: Right

(15:47) Sam: Zeldissa turned sharply and went down the right-hand corridor.

(15:48) Sam: It led into a fairly large cavern. A fetid pool about 4 inches deep filled the space. In the far corner, Zeldissa could see something shiny. There were only two exits from the room- the lower one, where she entered, and an upper one.

(15:49) Sam: (go back through lower exit? go through upper exit? investigate shiny thing?)

(15:50) Alissa: Investigate shiny!

(15:50) Sam: Zeldissa decided she really liked treasure. And that shiny thing was probably treasure. And she WANTED IT.

(15:51) Sam: So, she stepped into the gross pool. Ripples spread from her feet as she crept forward, pushing into the dark corners of the cavern.

(15:51) Sam: About twenty steps in, she heard a noise from one of those corners.

(15:51) Sam: A loud, growling, croaking sound.

(15:51) Sam: And the splashing of water.

(15:51) Sam: SOMETHING was coming for her from out of the dark

(15:52) Sam: (well, it’s late. save game? Y/N)

(15:52) Alissa: Yes

(15:52) Alissa: UGH though

(15:52) Sam: Bwahaha

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Seventh)

Galleons, are you ready for THE LONGEST MINI GAME OF ALL TIME?!

For the record, mini games like this always drive me crazy in games, so I had to make this long and frustrating, to (in my opinion) accurately portray them in this story.

Also, I invented a goddamn card game for you people. BE GRATEFUL.

***

(09:40) Sam: *doo dee doodly dooooo*

(09:41) Alissa: YAY

(09:41) Sam: (load last save? Y/N)

(09:41) Alissa: Yes!

(09:43) Sam: Terr dealt six cards to both himself and Zeldissa, then placed the remainder of the deck in the center of the table.

(09:43) Sam: (Your hand: 3 peasants, 2 courtiers, 1 Lord)

(09:43) Sam: Terr gestured toward Zeldissa. “Your move.”

(09:43) Sam: “Uh… how do you play this game?” she asked. She had never seen its like before.

(09:44) Sam: “The goal is simple,” Terr said. “You need to gather the royal court together in one hand. “King, Queen, Lord, Lady, Knight, and Wizard. Whoever gathers the court first wins.”

(09:44) Sam: “That’s it?”

(09:45) Sam: “Ah, but there is only one King and one Queen in the deck,” Terr said. “And the deck is mostly comprised of peasants and courtiers, who will do nothing for you.”

(09:45) Sam: “Great…”

(09:46) Sam: “On your turn, you may discard up to three cards and draw back up to your hand of 6. OR you may trade one of your cards for one of your opponents’.”

(09:46) Sam: “Okay, I think I get it” Zeldissa said.

(09:48) Sam: “There are also two Fools in the deck,” Terr said. “Fools can go anywhere, as nobody pays them much heed. As a result, you can discard a Fool, which lets you look through the top five cards in the draw pile. You can then select whichever card you want to complete your hand of six.”

(09:49) Sam: (do you understand the game? Y/N)

(09:50) Alissa: Yes

(09:50) Sam: “I think I’m all set,” Zeldissa said. Terr grinned.

(09:50) Sam: “Then let us begin. It’s your turn.”

(09:50) Sam: (Discard and draw or trade a card with opponent?)

(09:52) Alissa: Discard

(09:53) Sam: (discard how many cards? 1? 2? 3?)

(09:54) Alissa: 3 (2 peasants and a courtier if I can choose)

(09:55) Sam: (of course you can choose)

(09:55) Sam: Zeldissa discard two peasants and a courtier and drew three new cards.

(09:56) Sam: (Your hand: 2 peasants, 2 courtiers, 1 Lord, 1 Knight)

(09:56) Sam: Terr smiled at her across the table. “You’re smiling. You got something good. I think I should try to take it from you.”

(09:57) Sam: Terr reached across the table and deftly plucked a card out of Zeldissa’s hand, then slid one of his own across the table to take its place.

(09:57) Sam: (Your hand: 1 peasant, 3 courtiers, 1 Lord, 1 Knight)

(09:58) Sam: “Better luck next time,” Zeldissa said sweetly.

(09:58) Sam: (your turn: discard/draw or trade card with opponent?)

(09:58) Alissa: discard the 3 courtiers

(09:59) Sam: “I don’t think you have anything I need,” Zeldissa said, discarding three courtiers and drawing three more cards from the draw pile.

(10:00) Sam: (Your hand: 2 peasants, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 2 Knights)

(10:00) Sam: “Oh, now we both know that’s not true,” Terr said, discarding two cards and drawing new ones. “Otherwise, we wouldn’t be engaged in this delightful competition.”

(10:01) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/draw or trade card with opponent?)

(10:01) Alissa: trade a peasant

(10:01) Sam: (select card position from Terr’s hand: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6?)

(10:02) Alissa: 3

(10:02) Sam: Zeldissa plucked the third card from Terr’s hand, then slid a courtier across the table to him.

(10:02) Alissa: (peasant)

(10:03) Sam: (I was about to correct that, pedantic player)

(10:03) Sam: (PEASANT, not courtier)

(10:04) Sam: (Your hand: 1 peasant, 1 courtier, 1 Lady, 2 Lords, 1 Knight)

(10:04) Sam: (I mean 1 peasant, 1 courtier, 1 Lady, 1 Lord, 2 Knights)

(10:04) Sam: (The narrator really sucks at keeping track of the cards)

(10:05) Sam: Terr smirked. “Not much of a trade, was it?”

(10:06) Sam: With that smirk firmly in place, Terr held up one of the cards in his hand and flipped it to show Zeldissa. A Fool.

(10:06) Sam: He discarded it, set his hand down, then took the top five cards on the discard pile and looked at them.

(10:07) Sam: “Oh, would you look at that,” he said, still smiling. He selected one and put the remaining four back in the draw pile (and yes, I meant the draw pile before, it’s really hard to write out a damn card game).

(10:10) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/draw or trade card with opponent?)

(10:10) Alissa: trade a peasant

(10:11) Sam: (Select card position 1-6)

(10:11) Alissa: 6

(10:11) Sam: (You suck at this)

(10:12) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 2 Knights, 2 courtiers)

(10:14) Sam: Terr tutted at her. “You’ll need to up your game if you want to beat me.”

(10:14) Sam: He discards 3 cards and draws three new ones from the draw pile.

(10:15) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/draw or trade?)

(10:16) Alissa: Trade a courtier with card#2

(10:17) Sam: Zeldissa snatched card #2 from Terr and slid a courtier across the table to him. She saw the faintest furrowing of his brow.

(10:17) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(10:18) Sam: “You seem pretty confident,” Terr said. “Perhaps a little too confident.”

(10:18) Sam: He plucked a card from Zeldissa’s hand and slid another across the table to her.

(10:19) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 2 courtiers)

(10:20) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(10:20) Alissa: discard 2 courtiers

(10:21) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Lord, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 1 peasant)

(10:22) Sam: Terr stared hard at Zeldissa, but she made sure nothing showed on her face. She would not let him know she’d drawn such an important card.

(10:23) Sam: Terr could read nothing on our heroine’s puh-puh-puh-poker face. Slowly, he discarded 3 cards and drew to replace them.

(10:24) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/draw or trade?)

(10:25) Alissa: trade the peasant with card #4

(10:25) Sam: (oh damn)

(10:25) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard)

(10:26) Sam: Zeldissa was SO CLOSE to victory. She could taste it. It tasted like lemonade and sunshine and JOY.

(10:27) Sam: Terr scowled. “I don’t think so, little lady.”

(10:27) Sam: He plucked a card from her hand and slid another across the table to her.

(10:28) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Queen, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(10:28) Sam: Zeldissa was disappointed, but at least he hadn’t selected a king or queen.

(10:28) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/draw or trade?)

(10:28) Alissa: discard the courtier

(10:29) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Queen, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 1 Fool)

(10:29) Sam: (We must now take a brief hiatus)

(10:29) Sam: (As it is my lunch time)

(14:22) Sam: (resuming)

(14:23) Sam: Terr sat there for a few moments, glancing back and forth between his hand and Zeldissa’s face. He was waiting for her to crack.

(14:23) Sam: But she didn’t. Girl kept her cool.

(14:27) Sam: Terr growled under his breath and discarded three cards.

(14:29) Sam: (Your turn: Draw/Discard, Trade, Use Fool?)

(14:30) Alissa: Use fool

(14:30) Sam: Zeldissa smiled, pulled the Fool from her hand, and turned it to face Terr.

(14:30) Sam: He seemed upset

(14:30) Sam: Still smiling, Zeldissa drew the top five cards from the draw deck.

(14:31) Sam: (courtier, Lord, courtier, peasant, courtier)

(14:31) Sam: (I wonder which one you’ll pick?)

(14:31) Sam: (those courtiers looks awfully tempting)

(14:31) Alissa: Lord, lol

(14:31) Sam: (*look)

(14:32) Sam: Zeldissa put one card in her hand, then replaced the other four on the draw pile

(14:32) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard)

(14:33) Sam: “You were awfully quick in your selection there,” Terr said. “I don’t know if anything in the draw pile is really worth my time.”

(14:33) Sam: Terr reached across the table and selected a card from Zeldissa’s hand, then slid a new one over to her.

(14:34) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Lord, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(14:34) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(14:34) Alissa: trade the courtier

(14:34) Alissa: for…

(14:34) Alissa: #5

(14:34) Sam: (select card 1-6)

(14:35) Sam: (oh, look at you go, anticipating the narrator’s lines)

(14:35) Sam: Zeldissa, in turn, plucked a card from Terr’s hand and slid a courtier over to him.

(14:37) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard)

(14:37) Sam: Terr frowned. For a con man, he appeared to have a terrible poker face. Or did he?

(14:38) Sam: He reached across the table, grabbed a card, and slid a new one to Zeldissa.

(14:42) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 peasant)

(14:42) Sam: (Your turn: Draw/Discard or Trade?)

(14:43) Alissa: Trade the peasant for #1

(14:43) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Lord, 2 Ladies, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard)

(14:44) Sam: Terr reached across the table and plucked a card from Zeldissa’s hand, sliding a new one over to her.

(14:45) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 2 Ladies, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(14:45) Sam: (Your turn: Draw/Discard or Trade?)

(14:45) Alissa: trade the courtier for #6

(14:45) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 2 Ladies, 1 Knight, 2 Wizards)

(14:46) Sam: Terr smiled. “You are REALLY avoiding that draw pile. Must not be worth my time.” He selected one of her cards, then slid a new one over to her.

(14:47) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 2 Ladies, 2 Wizards, 1 courtier)

(14:47) Sam: (Your turn: Draw/Discard or Trade?)

(14:48) Alissa: discard a wizard a courtier and a lady

(14:48) Sam: (bold)

(14:48) Sam: Zeldissa discarded three cards, then drew three more.

(14:49) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 2 courtiers, 1 peasant)

(14:49) Sam: Zeldissa smiled at Terr. “You were saying?”

(14:49) Sam: Terr’s own grin wavered. He was confused- was her hand good or bad? What was her game?

(14:49) Sam: Hesitantly, he discarded one card and drew another.

(14:50) Sam: (Your turn: Draw/Discard or Trade?)

(14:50) Sam: (note that the draw pile is getting awfully small…)

(14:50) Alissa: discard the 2 courtiers and the peasant

(14:51) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 3 courtiers)

(14:51) Sam: (it’s a big court, you know- lots of fawning to be done over the royals)

(14:52) Sam: Terr frowned, reached over, and selected a card from her hand before sliding a new one to our heroine.

(14:52) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 3 courtiers… still)

(14:52) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(14:52) Alissa: Trade a courtier back

(14:52) Sam: (for which card?)

(14:52) Alissa: for #4..

(14:53) Sam: Zeldissa still smiled easily (even though her hand was… not great) and plucked the fourth card from Terr. His frown deepened as she slid a courtier to him.

(14:53) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 2 courtiers)

(14:54) Sam: Terr discarded one card and drew another.

(14:54) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(14:54) Alissa: Discard both courtiers

(14:54) Sam: Zeldissa also discarded and drew two new cards.

(14:55) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier, 1 peasant)

(14:55) Sam: (please note there are only 4 cards left in the draw pile)

(14:56) Sam: Terr sat there for a while, debating. Discard or trade?

(14:56) Sam: Finally, he discarded one card and drew another.

(14:56) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(14:57) Alissa: Trade the courtier for #2

(14:57) Sam: Zeldissa reached over, took card 2, and gave a new card to Terr.

(14:58) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 2 Lords, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 peasant)

(14:58) Sam: Terr seemed frustrated. “Why don’t you just give up now? This information cannot possibly be worth such a long and aggravating game.”

(14:58) Sam: (give up or keep playing?)

(14:59) Alissa: Keep playing, I want him to reveal himself as Marshall (:<

(14:59) Sam: (whoa there- nobody said that)

(14:59) Sam: “Oh no,” Zeldissa smirked. “This is fun. I’m enjoying watching you squirm.”

(15:00) Sam: Terr grumbled and reached across the table for a card.

(15:01) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 2 Lords, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(15:01) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(15:01) Alissa: discard a lord (there’s only a few cards left, or one?)

(15:01) Alissa: (I don’t remember)

(15:01) Sam: (3 cards are left in the draw pile)

(15:02) Sam: (is that your move?)

(15:02) Alissa: Yes

(15:02) Sam: Zeldissa discarded one card and drew another

(15:02) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier, 1 peasant)

(15:03) Sam: Terr tossed two cards down and grabbed the last two from the draw pile.

(15:04) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(15:05) Sam: (actually, never mind- there’s nothing to draw)

(15:05) Sam: (I got distracted by a work question- the narrator apologizes)

(15:05) Sam: With no cards in the Draw deck, all Zeldissa could do was select a card from Terr’s hand and hope for the best.

(15:05) Sam: (choose: 1-6)

(15:05) Alissa: Trade the peasant for #1

(15:06) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier, 1 peasant)

(15:06) Sam: *psst* Yuniss said in a very low voice. So low only Zeldissa could hear.

(15:06) Sam: *psst*

(15:06) Sam: *If you were to casually place me on the table, I could see through the cards and help you.*

(15:07) Sam: Zeldissa wasn’t aware that was a power held by pixel pixies, but she didn’t think Yuniss was lying to her.

(15:07) Sam: (do you sneak Yuniss onto the table and cheat? or do you play fair?)

(15:08) Alissa: Hm.. as tempting as it is to be fair I’m going to cheat lol

(15:09) Sam: Zeldissa, while often a noble heroine, was really tired of this stupid game. And she needed to win.

(15:10) Sam: So, she slipped the COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device up her sleeve and sneakily deposited it behind a vase when after Terr selected his next card from her hand.

(15:10) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier, 1 peasant)

(15:10) Sam: Zeldissa snuck a glance down at Yuniss. All sneaky like.

(15:11) Sam: Yuniss held up 3 tiny digital digits (digitalits? digitals? whatever)

(15:11) Sam: (Your move- you know the drill)

(15:11) Alissa: Trade a courtier for #3

(15:12) Sam: Zeldissa confidently grabbed card three and gave Terr a courtier.

(15:12) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 peasant)

(15:12) Sam: Terr reached over and grabbed a card as well.

(15:13) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier… boy’s got some bad luck)

(15:13) Sam: Again, Zeldissa looked down at Yuniss. She held up 6 little fingers.

(15:13) Sam: (Your turn)

(15:13) Alissa: Trade the courtier for #6 

(15:14) Sam: Once again, Zeldissa brashly grabbed a card and tossed another to Terr.

(15:14) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(15:14) Sam: Yuniss doubled over in silent laughter.

(15:14) Sam: Terr reached over and selected a card.

(15:15) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 2 courtiers)

(15:15) Sam: Zeldissa glared down at Yuniss, who was wiping pixelated tears from her eyes.

(15:15) Sam: “Something wrong?” Terr asked, smiling again.

(15:15) Sam: “Just thinking,” Zeldissa muttered. Yuniss held up 5 fingers.

(15:16) Sam: (Your turn- trust the tricksy little pixie or choose on your own?)

(15:16) Alissa: Trade a courtier for… #2

(15:17) Sam: Zeldissa, still glaring, reached over and pointedly did NOT take card 5. Take that, terrible sidekick.

(15:17) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(15:17) Sam: Terr frowned and reached over.

(15:18) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 peasant)

(15:18) Sam: “SERIOUSLY?!” Terr shouted

(15:18) Sam: Zeldissa smirked

(15:18) Sam: And looked down at Yuniss

(15:18) Sam: The pixie appeared grumpy. She stomped her foot and held up 5 emphatic fingers.

(15:18) Sam: (Your turn- trust Yuniss or go your own way again?)

(15:19) Alissa: Ugh, I’ll trade the peasant for #5

(15:19) Sam: Unsure if this was the right decision, Zeldissa reached over, grabbed card 5 and slid another one over to Terr. His eyes widened.

(15:19) Sam: Zeldissa looked at the card she’d selected.

(15:20) Sam: With a Cheshire Cat smile, she laid out her hand:

(15:20) Sam: 1 King, 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard

(15:20) Sam: “The court is assembled” she said. “I win.”

(15:22) Sam: (time to do a stealth check to see if Zeldissa can slip Yuniss back in her sleeve without Terr noticing)

(15:22) Sam: (consulting the 8 Ball…)

(15:26) Sam: Zeldissa attempted to slip her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device up her sleeve

(15:26) Sam: And bobbled it, sending Yuniss spinning across the table.

(15:26) Sam: *I’m gonna be sick!* the pixie shrieked.

(15:26) Sam: Terr looked down in surprise.

(15:30) Sam: “Is that… a pixel pixie?” he gasped. “Did you… cheat?!”

(15:30) Sam: (did you?)

(15:30) Alissa: NOPE

(15:31) Sam: “Of cc…ccourse… not” Zeldissa stammered, unable to lie well when Terr was staring her down.

(15:31) Sam: For a beat, Terr didn’t say anything.

(15:32) Sam: Then, he burst out laughing. Genuine laughter. And his smile was real, not the smile of a con artist reeling in a mark.

(15:32) Sam: “I didn’t think you had it in you, little hero,” Terr laughed. “You CHEATED. Oh, that is rich.”

(15:32) Sam: “I…I did not,” Zeldissa said, but she flushed red. Terr laughed harder.

(15:33) Sam: “Okay, fine,” she said. “I cheated. Just a little. At the end. But I really need to know where Marshall is and I KNOW you know something.”

(15:33) Sam: Terr stopped laughing, but he was still smiling slightly.

(15:33) Sam: “Haven’t you figured it out yet?” he asked. “I am Marshall.”

(15:33) Sam: (ooo- dramatic reveal)

(15:33) Sam: (that was totally ruined by the far-too-smart player character)

(15:36) Sam: “You’re Marshall?” Zeldissa was puzzled. “But Marshall’s only been missing a few weeks. Haven’t you been here a lot longer than that? Everyone seems to know you.”

(15:36) Sam: Terr shrugged. “I show up in a lot of places- people learned who I was pretty quick.”

(15:37) Sam: “But why didn’t you send word to your sister?” Zeldissa asked. “She’s worried sick about you.”

(15:37) Sam: “No she’s not,” Terr said. “I sent a letter to her after I got here. Told her I was tired of Lobi and wasn’t coming back. She’s just being dramatic.”

(15:38) Sam: “…You think it’s possible the letter might have, oh, gotten lost on the way?” Zeldissa asked innocently. “Maybe in the Natgrid Forest, which has been… more active than usual, as of late?”

(15:39) Sam: “I…” Terr paused. “I guess I hadn’t thought of that. I was so busy creating my new identity and making a life here that I never thought about what might happen if my sister never got the letter.”

(15:39) Sam: “Would it have killed you to go back and visit? Just to say goodbye?” Zeldissa pressed.

(15:40) Sam: “If I went back, she’d guilt me into staying,” he said. “I don’t want to go back to that life. I love it here. And people love me.”

(15:40) Sam: “And so do their coin purses, right?”

(15:40) Sam: “Well, that too” Terr grinned. “A man’s gotta eat.”

(15:40) Sam: “Why were you so reluctant to tell me you were Marshall?”

(15:41) Sam: “Because I didn’t want anyone to associate me with some country boy from Lobi,” Terr said. “I spent a lot of time setting up my new identity and you barged in here and tried to ruin it.”

(15:41) Sam: “I didn’t know” Zeldissa argued. “Anyway, what do you want me to tell your sister?”

(15:42) Sam: “Tell her…” Terr paused. “This may sound bad, but I don’t really want her to visit me. That part of my life is over. Could you tell her that I died or something?”

(15:42) Sam: “You want me to LIE to your sister and tell her you’re DEAD?!”

(15:42) Sam: “Well, yeah.”

(15:42) Sam: “She’ll be heartbroken!” Zeldissa cried.

(15:42) Sam: “Eh, she’ll get over it,” Terr shrugged.

(15:43) Sam: “You are AWFUL,” Zeldissa said. “I can’t believe you!”

(15:44) Sam: “Did you ever stop to think that maybe we weren’t as close as you assume?” Terr asked. “My sister and I never had a great relationship. But I think, deep down, she’d want me to be happy. And THIS will make me happy. And she’ll be just fine without me- I was just a burden to her anyway.”

(15:44) Sam: “I don’t…” Zeldissa sputtered. “I can’t tell her you’re dead, Terr. That would be WRONG.”

(15:45) Sam: “Wrong? Like cheating at cards is wrong?” he asked. Zeldissa sighed and Terr reached across the table and took her hand in his. “Listen, I’m not always a good guy. I know that. But I need you to do this for me. PLEASE.”

(15:46) Sam: His big brown eyes stared into hers, sorrowful and hopeful.

(15:46) Sam: “Please help me, Zeldissa.”

(15:46) Sam: “I’ll… I don’t know, Terr,” she muttered, pulling her hand away. “I’ll think about it.”

(15:46) Sam: Terr nodded.

(15:47) Sam: “Fair enough,” he said. “At least let me buy you a drink- they sell a fizzy cola here that will blow your mind.”

(15:47) Sam: “No thank you,” our heroine said gently. “I’m just going to… go for a walk.”

(15:48) Sam: Zeldissa stepped outside and let the cool breeze waft over her. It was evening now, and the crowds from earlier had dissolved. Only a few people scurried about now, trying to get home to their families after a long day of work.

(15:48) Sam: “What should I do, Yuniss?” Zeldissa asked. But for once, the pixie was silent.

(15:49) Sam: Zeldissa knew that, no matter what, she needed to go speak with Terr’s… Marshall’s sister. She pulled out the traveling stone from her bag.

(15:49) Sam: (fast travel to Lobi? Y/N)

(15:49) Alissa: Yes

(15:49) Sam: (shwoosh. glimmer. sigh)

(15:50) Sam: Zeldissa walked down the main (and only) street of Lobi and soon found herself standing in front of Marshall’s sister’s door.

(15:50) Sam: Zeldissa knocked and the door opened almost immediately.

(15:50) Sam: “Oh, adventurer!” the woman cried, gathering her up in an extremely uncomfortable hug. “Do you have news of my brother?”

(15:51) Sam: (Tell her Marshall is dead? Or tell her the truth?)

(15:51) Alissa: The truth

(15:51) Sam: (really? you’ll cheat at cards, but NOW you’re being all honorable?)

(15:52) Alissa: (lol she doesn’t deserve that kind of devastation, the cards weren’t someone!)

(15:52) Alissa: Can I choose to not tell her where he is though?

(15:52) Sam: Zeldissa looked at the woman. While she liked Terr and wanted him to be happy, telling this woman her brother was dead was just too cruel.

(15:53) Sam: “Yeah, I found him,” Zeldissa said. When the woman went to exclaim, our heroine held up a hand to silence her.

(15:53) Sam: “He… he’s making a life of his own now,” she said. “He loves you and he will miss you, but he needs to go his own way. I’m afraid Marshall won’t be coming back.”

(15:54) Sam: “Oh,” the woman said quietly.

(15:54) Sam: “I want you to know he’s happy, though,” Zeldissa said. “And maybe one day soon he’ll realize he can have both his new life AND his family. And he’ll come back and visit. But until then… if you love him, just give him his space.”

(15:58) Sam: “Okay, the woman said, her eyes shining with tears. “I’m just glad to know he’s safe. Thank you.”

(15:58) Sam: “Uh… you’re welcome”

(15:59) Sam: “I know it’s not much, but please, take this,” the woman said. She handed Zeldissa a bag of… assorted items. Really random stuff. There might be a lizard in there.

(15:59) Sam: Zeldissa decided to just thank the woman and walk away. She’d check out her loot later.

(15:59) Sam: (It’s late. Save game? Y/N)

(15:59) Alissa: Yes!

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Sixth… Segment Two)

And now, back to our regular formatting (now with 90% more adventure!).

…I work really hard. Sometimes. I promise.

***

(12:00) Sam: (resuming after an extraordinarily extended pause)

(12:01) Alissa: lol YAY

(12:02) Sam: (recap: Zeldissa is doing a favor for Donna, a resident of Ekovah. Our heroine is now at the door of the home of Prynn Ter, a reclusive woman who lives on the outskirts of Lobi)

(12:02) Sam: (Prynn Ter is asking for a passcode:

[13:54:41]            “Passcode?”

[13:55:14]            (passcode?)

Alissa

[13:55:45]            Before the three moons collide…              

[13:55:51]            they will move together and become one       

Sam

[13:59:28]            “What?”

Alissa      

[14:00:06]            Umh… before the three moons collide they will move together and become one)     

 

(12:03) Sam: “Girlie, just punch the passcode in on the keypad. I don’t want to hear any of your ridiculous prattle” the voice from the other side of the door said.

(12:04) Sam: “Crap” Zeldissa muttered. Donna had given her a silly phrase, not a series of numbers. She stared at the keypad apprehensively.

(12:04) Sam: (input passcode)

(12:04) Alissa: 4321

(12:05) Sam: *WHAT?!* Yuniss said. *How did you figure that out?*

(12:05) Sam: “Elementary, my dear pixie,” Zeldissa said as the door clicked open.

(12:06) Sam: Zeldissa walked into the house. It was very… gray. Like there was a thick layer of dust coating everything.

(12:06) Sam: There was a small thump as she opened the door.

(12:06) Sam: (reverse those- your narrator is doing this all out of order)

(12:06) Sam: Zeldissa sneezed.

(12:07) Sam: She heard mutterings from behind the opened door. She stepped further into the house and pushed it closed behind her to see a small, elderly woman on the ground, a battered three-legged stool on its side by her feet.

(12:08) Sam: “Couldn’t wait for me to move, could you?” the woman grumbled, slowly standing up. Zeldissa offered her a hand, but the old woman ignored her.

(12:10) Sam: “I’m sorry,” Zeldissa said. “I was just nervous. Donna sent me- she said you have some documents for her.”

(12:11) Sam: “Donna?”

(12:13) Sam: “Uh… you are Prynn, right?” Zeldissa said, suddenly unsure of herself. Even though she really shouldn’t be, as she’d already used the very specific passcode to get in. It’s pretty obvious she was in the right place.

(12:13) Sam: (brb- gotta talk to mah boss)

(12:57) Alissa: Resume story time? 

(12:58) Sam: (resuming)

(12:59) Sam: “Yeah, I’m Prynn,” the woman said, glaring at her suspiciously. “But who are you? You knew the passcode, but I don’t know you. How did you get it? Why are you here?”

(12:59) Sam: “…I just told you,” Zeldissa said. “Donna sent me for some documents you have of hers. That’s all.”

(13:01) Sam: “So you say,” muttered the crazy old woman. “How do I know you’re not here to steal my magic toner?”

(13:01) Sam: “Your magic WHAT?”

(13:02) Sam: “TONER, you deaf child,” the old woman screeched. “My toner is the most precious item I own. And I bet you’re here to steal it.”

(13:02) Sam: Zeldissa looked around the house. As she suspected, the gray was due to a pervasive layer of dust coating everything.

(13:03) Sam: Everything, that is, except a section of floorboard visible in the other room.

(13:04) Sam: Zeldissa sprinted toward it, vaulting over a dirty ottoman like she was wearing enchanted boots (which she wasn’t, because she’s upgraded very little of her gear and might die horribly if she doesn’t do so soon).

(13:05) Sam: “YOU STAY AWAY FROM THAT!” shrieked the old woman

(13:06) Sam: Zeldissa flipped a completely improbably (and probably physically impossible) 6 times in the air, landing in a smooth slide ending directly in front of the patch of clean floor.

(13:06) Sam: Dust flew behind her, a spray of filth marking her oh-so-impressive display.

(13:07) Sam: She sneezed, completely ruining the moment, but pulled out her scissors, pried up the floorboard, and removed a box from underneath the floor.

(13:09) Sam: “NOOOOOO!!!” the old woman cried, falling on her butt to the floor and beating her knobbly hands against the ground. Puffs of dust plumed around her tantrum-ridden body, getting lodged in the creases of her tear-stained face and leaving large rivulets of muck marring her features.

(13:09) Sam: It was truly the most pathetic and amusing of sights.

(13:10) Sam: “Listen lady,” Zeldissa said. “I don’t care about this stupid box. I don’t care about your toner. I just want the documents for Donna. You give me those, and I’ll give you back the box. No harm done.”

(13:12) Sam: “GIVE IT BACK TO ME” the woman cried, her voice cracking from the strain of her screeching. “GIVE ME MY TONER!”

(13:14) Sam: “GIVE ME THE PAPERS” Zeldissa thundered. She was actually pretty scary when she was mad. There was a commanding nature to her presence that was not there most of the time.

(13:14) Sam: The old woman sniffled, but fell still, her eyes wide and watery.

(13:14) Sam: “But…but the toner,” she whimpered.

(13:14) Sam: “THE PAPERS” Zeldissa said. “NOW”

(13:15) Sam: The old woman creakily got to her feet and hobbled into another room. Warily, Zeldissa followed her, keeping a tight grip on the box (and trying not to think about the amount of dust and filth covering her after her epic slide).

(13:16) Sam: Prynn walked to a roll top desk, heaved it open with considerable effort (she really should consider getting a new desk that’s easier on her old muscles), and grabbed a sheaf of paper from the corner.

(13:16) Sam: She thrust it out toward our heroine, her arm quavering.

(13:16) Sam: “Here’s the papers,” she said. She sounded… broken. Defeated.

(13:18) Sam: “Thank you,” Zeldissa said, snatching them from her.

(13:18) Sam: For one terrible moment, our heroine thought about walking out the door with the toner, just to be spiteful.

(13:19) Sam: But she’s the heroine, and she can’t be THAT cruel. Wouldn’t fit her alignment.

(13:21) Sam: So, she held the box out to the old woman.

(13:21) Sam: “As promised” Zeldissa stated. “Your toner. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.”

(13:22) Sam: With a springing leap that was frankly far more spry than Zeldissa thought Prynn was capable of, the old woman snatched the box out of her hand.

(13:22) Sam: “My toner,” she murmured, stroking the box and cradling against her face. “My sweet, sweet toner. Mmmm”

(13:22) Sam: *This is getting creepy* muttered Yuniss

(13:23) Sam: “Yeah… let’s go” Zeldissa said, and hurried out of the house.

(13:25) Sam: Zeldissa scampered back down to the road.

(13:26) Sam: (fast travel to Ekovah? Y/N)

(13:26) Alissa: Yes!

(13:27) Sam: Zeldissa pulled out her fast travel stone. It began to glow a brilliant blue….

(13:28) Sam: “Hey girl, wait!” came a voice. The stone went inert as Zeldissa stopped concentrating and looked up to see the friendly woman from Lobi running toward her.

(13:29) Sam: “I’m glad I caught you,” the woman said, stopping short of our heroine and breathing heavily. “I ran all the way here- I will be feeling that tomorrow.”

(13:35) Sam: “You should take it easy,” Zeldissa said smugly. “Not everyone is a toned and trained adventurer like me.”

(13:35) Sam: *Said the girl who was complaining about WALKING 5 steps a few minutes ago* muttered Yuniss.

(13:35) Sam: “Shut up” hissed Zeldissa

(13:37) Sam: “Right…” said the woman. “Anyway, I was wondering if you could help me”

(13:37) Sam: “With what?”

(13:37) Sam: “My brother went into the castle town a while ago and I haven’t heard back from him” the woman said. “I’m worried he got into some kind of trouble. Could you maybe look for him?”

(13:39) Sam: (accept quest? Y/N)

(13:39) Alissa: Yes because I can’t resist side quests

(13:39) Sam: (me neither- which is why it took me 127 years to beat that stupid game I was playing the last few weeks)

(13:40) Sam: “Okay,” Zeldissa sighed. “What’s his name? What does he look like? Why was he there?”

(13:42) Sam: “His name’s Marshall” she said. “He’s about this tall (she gestures vaguely) and pretty good looking. He was just going to town to get some fizzy drinks. He loves the fizzy drinks. But that was WEEKS ago. I don’t know what happened to him.”

(13:47) Sam: “Okay…” Zeldissa said. “Fine. I’ll try to find him. I know a guy there. He’s good at finding things.”

(13:47) Sam: “Oh, thank you!” the woman said. “Bless your heart.”

(13:47) Sam: “Uh… no problem” Zeldissa said. “Now, um, if you’ll excuse me… gonna fast travel… okay?”

(13:48) Sam: “Yes, yes, of course,” the woman said. “Just bring my brother back safe.”

(13:48) Sam: “I’ll try” Zeldissa shrugged. And with that, she disappeared in a flurry of bluish sparks.

(13:49) Sam: (swish. jingle. other magical noises)

(13:49) Sam: Zeldissa reappeared in the middle of Ekovah. A young girl waved to her, then went back to her chalk doodles on the ground.

(13:50) Sam: Zeldissa walked to Donna’s house and knocked on the door.

(13:50) Sam: After a few moments, the blonde appeared at the doorway, smiling.

(13:50) Sam: “Oh, Zeldissa!” she cried. “Did you get the deed?”

(13:50) Sam: (did you?)

(13:50) Sam: (you could totally lie and keep it for yourself, you know)

(13:51) Alissa: Yes I did

(13:51) Sam: Because Zeldissa was selfless and noble and all things a heroine should be (except when she wasn’t), she handed Donna the deed to her father’s farm.

(13:51) Sam: “Thank you so much, Zeldissa!” she cried. “I don’t have much, but here’s a little something for your trouble.”

(13:52) Sam: (doo doo dee doo)

(13:52) Sam: (item acquired: tape dispenser)

(13:52) Sam: (monies acquired: 4 silver pieces)

(13:53) Sam: “Ooo, tape” Zeldissa said, her eyes growing large and shiny.

(13:54) Sam: She stood there on the porch, staring raptly at the tape for many minutes. Too many minutes. Donna actually got a little uncomfortable. She cleared her throat. She called Zeldissa’s name. But the girl was lost in a tapey trance.

(13:54) Sam: So Donna shut the door on our heroine.

(13:54) Sam: And the noise finally startled her out of her awestruck reverie.

(13:55) Sam: Zeldissa pocketed the tape and walked back down the road. The young girl from before called her name.

(13:55) Sam: “Zeldissa! Over here!”

(13:55) Sam: Zeldissa walked over to the girl.

(13:56) Sam: “Hi Sierra,” she said. “What are you working on today?”

(13:56) Sam: “I’m drawing an undead pony!” the girl said. “But I need some red chalk. Do you have any?”

(13:56) Sam: “Noooo” our heroine said.

(13:56) Sam: “Oh,” the girl said, her face falling. “Well, thanks anyway.”

(13:56) Sam: “I’ll keep an eye out on my travels” Zeldissa said encouragingly.

(13:57) Sam: “Oh, thank you!” the girl said, smiling again.

(13:58) Sam: “Fair Zeldissa, wait!” a voice cried out. She turned to see Romeo running down the road to her.

(14:00) Sam: “Dearest maiden, if you could find it in your sweet heart, could you perhaps look for some Viko Root on your travels? Mrs. Blessing injured herself yesterday and I need some Viko Root to brew a potion to ease her suffering. Please, dearest lady, only a heroine as beautiful and brave as you could snatch the Viko Root from the heart of the Natgrid Forest.”

(14:00) Sam: (oh, break time)

(14:17) Sam: (accept quest? Y/N)

(14:18) Alissa: Yes, after I find the brother

(14:18) Sam: (the narrator really doesn’t care what order you do the quests in)

(14:18) Sam: “Oh, thank you, lovely Zeldissa,” Romeo said, bowing low.

(14:19) Sam: “No problem” our heroine said.

(14:19) Sam: Boy, her quest log sure was filling up

(14:21) Sam: (Quest Log: -find Lobi woman’s brother

-find 3 Viko Root samples for Romeo

-find 1 piece of red chalk for Sierra

-take nap

-obtain Only Slightly Grungy earpieces from Therdpahrty

-obtain Holy Pigtail from the lair of Sssssam

-save New Ophis from Cervar)

(14:22) Sam: (select active quest)

(14:22) Alissa: Take nap-I need more energy

(14:23) Sam: Our heroine decided to ignore the pressing weight of other people’s needs and the plight of her whole kingdom in order to indulge in a cat nap. Truly, she is the most selfish of heroines.

(14:23) Sam: Zeldissa wandered back to her cube…er, HOUSE and flopped down on the bed.

(14:23) Sam: *Do you really think this is the best time for a nap?* Yuniss chastised.

(14:23) Sam: “SLEEP MODE” Zeldissa shouted. And soon, both our heroine and the pixel pixie were in a deep sleep.

(14:32) Sam: (3 hours pass)

(14:33) Sam: Zeldissa awoke, slightly refreshed, slightly groggy, with sleep tangled hair and unsightly pillow marks on her cheek.

(14:34) Sam: “Okay, Zeldissa said, “Time to quest!”

(14:34) Sam: (select quest)

(14:34) Alissa: Find that lady’s bro-bro

(14:35) Sam: (narrator will ignore that atrocious phrasing)

(14:35) Sam: (you’re welcome)

(14:35) Sam: (fast travel to castle town? Y/N)

(14:35) Alissa: Yes

(14:35) Sam: (seriously, I’m running out of magical noises here. whizz. zip. schwing)

(14:37) Sam: Zeldissa arrived in the castle town. It was mid-afternoon, so the place was bustling. Someone ran into her and knocked her to the ground.

(14:37) Sam: “Watch it” the dude spat as he hurried past. Zeldissa considered taking her scissors to him, but her heroic side stayed her hand.

(14:37) Sam: Barely.

(14:38) Sam: Zeldissa stood up and dusted herself off. She knew that if anyone could help her locate the Lobi woman’s missing brother, it was Terr. Problem was, she didn’t know where Terr was. Or how to find him.

(14:49) Sam: Her only recourse was to head back to the shady shack where the Trainer lived and shake him down for info.

(14:58) Sam: Soon, she stood before the Trainer.

(14:58) Sam: “Hey, Trainer” she said. He looked up from the counter.

(14:58) Sam: “Oh, purple haired girl” he said. “How are you?”

(14:58) Sam: “Uh… fine. Listen, do you know how to find Terr?”

(15:00) Sam: “Oh yes, the elusive Terr” the Trainer said gleefully. “I do know where to find him- but it will cost you.”

(15:01) Sam: “…Seriously?!”

(15:01) Sam: “Information is power, little adventurer,” the Trainer said. “And the cost of my information is…”

(15:03) Sam: “No, you know what?” Zeldissa said, advancing on the Trainer, scissors and stapler in hand. “I have had it with you people and your silly trades and deals. So, I have one of my own. You either tell me where Terr is, or I go ‘American Psycho’ on your face.”

(15:03) Sam: “American what?”

(15:03) Sam: “NEVERMIND”

(15:03) Sam: Zeldissa screamed and launched herself at the Trainer, weapons at the ready.

(15:05) Sam: “OKAY OKAY, CHRIST,” he said, holding up his hands. “Terr lives just around the corner. But this time of day, you’ll likely find him at the Profloor Pub, trying to con people out of their money.”

(15:05) Sam: “Con?”

(15:05) Sam: “Oh sweetie,” the Trainer said, shaking his head. “You didn’t figure it out? He’s the biggest con artist in all of New Ophis.”

(15:05) Sam: “But he helped me!” Zeldissa said. “He didn’t con me.”

(15:06) Sam: “Yet” the Trainer said. “Ever heard of the long con, girl? He’s probably laying the foundation to rob you blind down the road.”

(15:06) Sam: “You’re lying” Zeldissa spat, walking out the door. “Terr is a good man. I’ll prove it to you.”

(15:07) Sam: Of course, once back on the street, Zeldissa had no idea where this Profloor Pub could be. She wandered around until she found a town guard, who directed her to the warm lights of the pub.

(15:07) Sam: She walked in the door to the sounds of piano music and raucous laughter. The smell of roasted meats and ale hit her nose.

(15:08) Sam: The place was busy, and serving girls were spinning about the tables, delivering food and drink to the patrons.

(15:13) Sam: Terr sat in the corner, people huddled around him, as he shuffled a deck of cards and laughed around the cigar clutched in the corner of his mouth.

(15:14) Sam: Zeldissa squeezed through the crowd until she stood near the table. Terr looked up at her, but didn’t register any surprise, just gave her a slow, easy smile.

(15:14) Sam: “Well, well, if it isn’t the little adventurer,” he said warmly. “And what brings you to my little game?”

(15:15) Sam: “I’m actually looking for someone,” Zeldissa said. “I was hoping you could help me.”

(15:15) Sam: Terr grinned again and waved the crowd away. They dispersed grudgingly and he gestured to the seat across the table from him.

(15:16) Sam: “Take a seat,” he said easily. She sat down, suddenly wary of his motives. Now that she got a second look at him, she could believe the con artist label. But she didn’t want to believe it. She wanted to believe he was just the helpful gentleman she’d met before.

(15:19) Sam: “Now, who are you looking for?” he asked her.

(15:20) Sam: “I’m looking for a young man who came here a few weeks ago. About your height. Named Marshall. His sister in Lobi is worried about him”

(15:20) Sam: Zeldissa saw a flicker of recognition flare in his eyes before he hid it behind yet another easy smile. If Terr was a con man, he wasn’t quite as good as the Trainer thought.

(15:21) Sam: “I’m afraid I’ve never heard of this fellow,” Terr said. “Maybe he’s already left town.”

(15:22) Sam: “Oh, but you have to know SOMEONE who might have seen him,” Zeldissa pressed.

(15:24) Sam: “I’m afraid not,” Terr said, his smile becoming a bit brittle. Zeldissa squashed a smirk and pressed harder.

(15:25) Sam: “Oh, I think you do,” she said. “You just don’t want to tell me. I wonder why that is?”

(15:28) Sam: “I don’t know anything,” Terr said. His voice had lost it’s warm tone and was now clipped and a little harsh.

(15:28) Sam: “How about a game?” Zeldissa said, smiling. She picked up the deck of cards. “You win, I leave you alone. I win, you tell me what you know about my missing boy.”

(15:29) Sam: Terr’s smile returned. Lazy. Slow. Smug.

(15:29) Sam: “I like the sound of that,” he said. “I’ll deal.”

(15:29) Sam: (MINIGAME TIME)

(15:29) Sam: (ONLY I DON’T PLAY CARD GAMES THAT DON’T INVOLVE ALCOHOL OR VIOLENCE, SO I DON’T REALLY KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO)

(15:31) Sam: (SO PRETEND A REALLY INVOLVED MINIGAME HAPPENED)

(15:47) Sam: (OKAY, MAYBE I’LL MAKE IT HAPPEN TOMORROW)

(15:48) Sam: (game saved since you are at my desk and probably won’t go back to yours before the end of the day)

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Sixth… Segment One)

I forgot to email the section I wrote Friday to myself, so here it is. In a different format, because that’s how the archived conversations in our chat program spits it out. Actually, it spits it out in reverse order, but I fixed it for you, dearest galleons (we will just gloss over how much easier this format is to read, because it is a BITCH to fix). So enjoy what I’m deeming the first section of part six of our adventure.

***

Sam
[10:19:01]Okay, I’m officially bored
[10:19:08]*doo dee doo dee dun doo*
[10:19:15](load last save? Y/N)

Alissa
[10:19:35]YES

Sam
[10:21:51] Zeldissa blinked the sparkles out of her eyes. She was once again standing on the shore of Kolecksion Lake, not far from Treesh’s tree.
[10:22:59] Despite what she had told Yuniss back in Eyetee, she actually WAS hungry. And tired.
[10:24:05]Ekovah wasn’t THAT far away from Therdpahrty. Maybe she could just pop home for a minute… have a bite to eat… take a short nap in her own bed…
[10:24:15]As we said in the last installment, she is a selfish heroine
[10:25:13]And so, Zeldissa decided to travel the short path back to Ekovah. The short, well-tended path. Overrun by food vendors.
[10:25:54]This time, she couldn’t resist, and she all but sprinted up to the nearest one, digging in her mostly empty purse for whatever coinage she could scrounge up.
[10:27:04]”Uh… what will this buy me?” she asked, slapping a few silver coins, a dozen coppers, a button, a small (and very confused) lizard, and a small gemstone on the counter
[10:28:28]”Well, for this, I could give you a nice stuffed bread roll. Cheese, herbs, the works. And a refreshing lemon dri-”
[10:28:32]The lizard scampered away
[10:28:54]”Oh” the food vendor said, crestfallen. “Well, for this, I can give you a block of cheese. A SMALL block of cheese.”
[10:31:40]”I’ll take it!” Zeldissa cried, way too excited and completely glossing over the weirdly high worth of a lizard in these parts
[10:32:41]And so, tiny cheese stick (it absolutely wasn’t a block) in hand, Zeldissa flounced away, nibbling at her snack as she went.
[10:35:23]Soon, she was at the gates of Ekovah. The rowdy noises of the inhabitants greeted her as she walked into the village.
[10:35:42]”Zeldissa!” a voice cried. “Zeldissa!”
[10:41:34]Our heroine turned to see a man loping down the path after her.
[10:42:09]”Kory?” she asked. “What are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be working in the shop with your brother?”
[10:42:37]Kory just flashed Zeldissa his trademark smile. “That’s no fun. I’m on holiday.”
[10:42:40]”What holiday is it?”
[10:49:51]”Uh… Shop Worker Appreciation Day”
[10:50:16]”…That doesn’t exist” Zeldissa said.
[10:50:58]”I just invented it, so it exists,” Kory said.
[10:51:27]”…You’re just running an errand, aren’t you?”
[10:52:17]Kory laughed. “Had to drop off a package at the Hopkins place.” His voice dropped to a loud whisper “That woman is frightening”
[10:52:57]Zeldissa laughed. “She’s only mean to you because you keep harassing her every time she comes in the shop”
[10:53:42]”But it’s so FUN” Kory said. They had wandered up to the door of the small general store where Kory and his brother worked. As the door opened, a warm voice greeted them.
[10:54:54]”Oh brother, I see you’ve found the beautiful Zeldissa while you were out wandering around,” said Romeo. “Zeldissa, your beauty is like a firework, explosive and dazzling and burning in an afterimage in my mind long after you’ve gone.”
[10:55:33]”Good to see you too, Romeo,” Zeldissa said, used to his strangely poetic and romantical nature. “How’s Ekovah doing?”
[10:56:46]”I hear that a feisty young maiden valiantly braved the Natgrid Forest and stopped it from spreading into our village. A violet-haired temptress, too wild even for the darkest parts of the forest. Tell me, have you met her?”
[10:57:36]Zeldissa laughed. “It was far less glamorous than that.
[10:58:10]*You should have seen how bad her hair looked* Yuniss piped up from her pocket. The boys seemed completely unfazed by the outburst from the pixie
[10:58:49]”Well, now it just looks like a rolled pastry. Or like she did it in her sleep. Like a sleepy bun” Kory said
[10:59:14](pause)
[10:59:16](LUNCH TIEM)
[12:32:41](resuming)
[12:33:37]”Stop talking about my hair” Zeldissa said, blushing.
[12:33:58]*It was BAD* Yuniss said in an exaggerated loud whisper
[12:36:25]”Your hair looks like a river of amethyst,” Romeo said, smiling. Zeldissa just sighed.
[12:36:45]”Well, I’m glad to hear Ekovah is doing well,” she said. “Now if you excuse me, I-”
[12:37:01]”Hey,” Kory said. “We could use your help, actually.”
[12:37:05]”My help?”
[12:37:49]”Yeah. Our supplier of gourmet caramels… didn’t survive the attack by the Natgrid.”
[12:38:07]”I’m sorry to hear it,” Zeldissa said. “But what am I supposed to do about it?”
[12:38:22]”Don’t you know a guy? A caramel guy?” Kory asked. Romeo just grinned behind him.
[12:38:33]”…Is this just a set up for a bad joke?”
[12:38:45]”Maybe,” Kory said, with a grin to match his brother.
[12:39:23]”I am leaving,” Zeldissa laughed. However, before she could exit the shop, the small bell above the door sounded and a friendly-looking woman came in.
[12:40:27]”Why, if it isn’t the lovely Donna,” Romeo said, turning the charm back on.
[12:44:40]”Oh, Zeldissa, I’m so glad I ran into you!” Donna said excitedly. “I need your help- my husband is visiting the castle town on business and I have to stay home and watch the kids, but there’s some very important paperwork that I need from a friend in Lobi.”
[12:44:55]”Why can’t she just bring it here?” Zeldissa asked. “Lobi isn’t that far away.”
[12:45:51]”Well, I mean, she lives on the OUTSKIRTS of Lobi. It’s a ways out there. And she doesn’t… move much anymore.” Donna said. Her eyes were wide, pleading with Zeldissa to just accept the quest already.
[12:45:57](Accept side quest? Y/N)

Alissa
[12:46:08]I can’t say no to Donna -____- Yes

Sam
[12:47:20]”Okay, fine. A quick trip to Lobi and then I’m coming back and taking a nap before, oh yeah, SAVING NEW OPHIS” Zeldissa grumbled. But she had always had a soft spot for Donna, one of the sweetest women in the village, and she wasn’t really upset about helping her.
[12:48:47]”Oh, thank you!” Donna said. “Her name is Prynn. Prynn Ter. And she’s… temperamental. And kind of paranoid.”
[12:48:52]”…Paranoid?”
[12:50:46]”She doesn’t really trust strangers,” Donna said.
[12:51:06]”Uh, Donna,” Zeldissa said slowly. “I’M a stranger. How am I supposed to talk to the lady?”
[12:51:40]”Oh, that’s easy!” Donna chirped. “Just recite the following passcode and she’ll let you right in. It’s only given out to people who are COMPLETELY TRUSTWORTHY.”
[12:51:45]”Okay…”
[12:51:55]”Are you COMPLETELY TRUSTWORTHY Zeldissa?” Donna asked
[12:52:00](well? are you?)

Alissa
[12:52:30]Yes! …?

Sam
[12:52:58](you don’t sound very sure of yourself there…)

Alissa
[12:53:03]YES I AM
[12:55:27]COMPLETELY

Sam
[12:56:18]”I knew you were” Donna smiled. “Okay, the passcode is: Before the three moons collide, they will move together and become one.”
[12:56:56]”Before the moons do some stuff…” Zeldissa muttered, trying to remember the silly rhyme.
[12:57:02]Donna sighed
[12:57:05]”LISTEN:
[12:57:10]BeFORE the THREE moons collide, they will move TOgether and become ONE.”
[12:57:40]*I got it* Yuniss said. *Before the three moons collide, they will move together and become one.*
[12:57:46]She stuck her tongue out at Zeldissa
[12:58:42]*Digital brains are so much better than your squishy human parts
[12:58:52]”Whatever” Zeldissa said. “It’s a stupid passcode anyway
[13:12:19]”Just say this at the door and Prynn will let you in,” Donna said.
[13:36:23]”…I have to ask,” Zeldissa said. “What exactly am I picking up there?”
[13:37:11]”Oh, it’s the deed to my father’s farm,” Donna said. “He left it to me when he died, but we had to get the deed put in my name and it took so long to get it and I had to keep sending in identification… it was a nightmare. It’s been going on for months.”
[13:37:24]”Okay then,” Zeldissa said. “I’m off!”
[13:38:09]Kory, Romeo, and Donna looked on as Zeldissa boldly strode out the door and back into the village. Well, Romeo and Donna did. Kory was playing with a child’s toy wagon on the counter.
[13:40:57](fast travel to Lobi? Y/N)

Alissa
[13:41:09]Yes!

Sam
[13:41:25](whoosh. glitter. jangly bell sound)
[13:42:14]Zeldissa was back in the seemingly-deserted town of Lobi. She saw Benson standing on the porch of the tavern, half-sweeping and half-staring-off-into-the-distance-creepily
[13:42:52]Zeldissa skirted around him. The only other inhabitant of the town appeared to be a very jovial woman sitting on her porch a few houses down, singing loudly.
[13:43:10]”Hey there!” the woman cried out, waving to Zeldissa as she got closer. “How are you today?”
[13:43:24]”I’m fine,” Zeldissa said, smiling. The woman was very friendly. “How about you?”
[13:43:51]”Oh, I’m just out enjoying this FINE weather,” the woman said. “You look like you’re a little lost, sweetie. Where are you heading?”
[13:44:07]”I’m actually looking for the home of Prynn Ter,” Zeldissa said. “I heard she lives nearby.”
[13:45:00]”Oh girl, she’s way down the road,” the woman said. She pointed down the road, the opposite direction from Kolecksion Lake. “She’s a ways out there, but if you keep walking, you’ll see her house soon enough. Can’t miss it.”
[13:45:15]”Thank you!” Zeldissa said, waving at the friendly lady as she continued on.
[13:45:33]*People in this world are either really nice or really creepy* Yuniss muttered
[13:45:42]”Well, you’re not nice, so what does that make you?” Zeldissa asked
[13:45:45]*HEY!*
[13:46:38]After a few minutes of walking with no house in sight, Zeldissa sighed.
[13:46:52]”I think we should get a horse or something” she said. “I’m tired of walking everywhere.”
[13:47:10]*Quit being so lazy* Yuniss said. *You keep fast traveling. You aren’t walking THAT far*
[13:50:10]”And I would be walking EVEN LESS if I had a horse” Zeldissa said. “Where do you think I can get one of those? You think Terr would know?
[13:50:28]*You just want to see him again* Yuniss said slyly
[13:50:56]Zeldissa scoffed, but her face flushed a red to rival flames
[13:51:10]”He’s just really nice. And helpful. That’s all” she said.
[13:51:23]*Whatever*
[13:52:02]In the distance, Zeldissa could just make out large shape. It could be a house. She started walking a little faster. But not much.
[13:52:40]Soon…ish, she arrived at a large, foreboding house. She walked quietly up to the door, afraid to make too much noise. The silence around the place was stifling.
[13:53:13]Then she worried that NOT making noise might make her seem suspicious, so she cleared her throat and stomped her feet a little on the steps.
[13:53:17]She worried she was overdoing it now.
[13:53:23]She worried a lot.
[13:53:59]When she reached the door, she knocked on it. Quietly. She was nervouse.
[13:54:02]*nervous
[13:54:38]But quiet as her knock was, it was enough. She saw a small panel on the door slide back and a pair of bright blue eyes stared back at her.
[13:54:41]”Passcode?”
[13:55:14](passcode?)

Alissa
[13:55:45]Before the three moons collide…
[13:55:51]they will move together and become one 

Sam
[13:59:28]”What?”

Alissa
[14:00:06]Umh… before the three moons collide they will move together and become one 

Sam
[14:00:18](break)

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Fifth)

After a long wait, we return to our adventure. Our daring heroine has been captured by the tech wizard of Eyetee. Will she escape? FIND OUT NOW.

***

(12:38) Sam: But enough of that nonsense

(12:38) Sam: Because….

(12:38) Sam: It’s game time!

(12:39) Sam: *doo doo dee doo*

(12:39) Sam: (would you like to load last save? Y/N)

(12:39) Alissa: Yes!

(12:39) Sam: Zeldissa awoke to darkness. Utter darkness. She couldn’t even tell if her eyes were open or closed kind of darkness.

(12:40) Sam: She panicked. She was blind. Or her eyelids were broken.

(12:42) Sam: She almost stifled a scream. A tiny, high-pitched noise escaped her mouth. It was surprisingly loud. Like a dog whistle. Except audible to humans.

(12:43) Sam: The room was suddenly flooded in light. Which is what happens when someone, you know, turns a light on.

(12:44) Sam: Zeldissa’s eyes watered at the intensity of the fluorescent lights. She wasn’t even grateful her eyes were working. She is a selfish heroine.

(12:49) Sam: (yo- brief pause here. please aux 4)

(13:03) Sam: (resuming)

(13:08) Sam: “Ah, you’re awake now, sweets,” came a voice from just outside her field of vision. Zeldissa turned her head to see the wizard leaning against the doorframe, smirking.

(13:08) Sam: “Well, I was looking for the wizard,” Zeldissa said dryly. “Take it I’m in the right place?”

(13:09) Sam: “Oh yes, you’ve found me,” the strange man said. “The question is, what are you going to do with me now that you’ve found me?”

(13:09) Sam: “Oh god, what is wrong with you?” Zeldissa spat. “Are you hitting on me?”

(13:10) Sam: “Maybe,” the wizard purred. Zeldissa recoiled from the sound.

(13:10) Sam: And it was at this moment that she realized she was bound to her chair.

(13:10) Sam: Can’t believe it took her that long, really. Daft girl.

(13:11) Sam: “What? Why am I tied up?”

(13:12) Sam: “Seemed safer that way” the wizard said. “You flew into a rage the first time you woke up. Tried to attack me with a pair of scissors. You kind of crazy, you know that?”

(13:12) Sam: “YOU KNOCKED ME OUT, KIDNAPPED ME, AND TIED ME UP” Zeldissa screeched “And I’M the crazy one?!”

(13:19) Sam: “Yes,” the man said. “You are. Your face is all… red. And you’ve got the crazy eyes.”

(13:19) Sam: “…the crazy eyes?”

(13:19) Sam: “Yes.”

(13:20) Sam: “You are the worst,” she muttered. Our heroine looked down at the cables ensnaring her. The knots looked… complicated.

(13:21) Sam: “What are these?” she asked. “Figure 8s? Double windsors? Sailor Jerrys?”

(13:21) Sam: “…you don’t know anything about knots, do you?” the wizard asked.

(13:21) Sam: “No, I do not,” Zeldissa said. “I don’t TIE GIRLS UP on a regular basis.”

(13:22) Sam: “Neither do I,” the wizard said, grinning. “Just on special occasions.”

(13:22) Sam: The grin was starting to get a little creepy. More of a leer, really. Zeldissa struggled harder against the cables, but she was bound tight.

(13:23) Sam: (skill check: perception. rolling….)

(13:24) Sam: (imagine the sound of a die rolling)

(13:27) Sam: (a 13. Not bad)

(13:28) Sam: Zeldissa noticed something hard digging into her back. She could JUST twist her hand around to grab it.

(13:28) Sam: Oh my god, he left her the scissors. What a dumb wizard. Or a cocky one. Which really means the same thing here.

(13:29) Sam: Zeldissa wiggled a bit. The wizard just watched her, his brow furrowing (but his eyes lighting up, because he was watching her chest- AWKWARD).

(13:29) Sam: Zeldissa realized she needed to distract the wizard.

(13:29) Sam: (how will you distract him?)

(13:30) Sam: (Oh, that’s right- you have to participate. WITH NO SUGGESTIONS)

(13:31) Alissa: lol oh god… I guess, judging by the wizard’s character, awkward flirting (because I can’t do regular flirting)

(13:31) Sam: (wonderful)

(13:31) Sam: Zeldissa decided, gross as it was, she would need to play to this wizard’s lecherous side if she was going to get out of this.

(13:32) Sam: “I really admire a… person who can handle his… uh… cables,” she said. There was a lot of stammering.

(13:33) Sam: “You’re probably really…uh… strong to lug me up here in this tower. Which I assume I am. Strong like… a yak. You have yak-like qualities. But, like, a sexy yak. Sexy yak strength”

(13:34) Sam: *which is WHERE I assume I am. Bad narrator is bad

(13:35) Sam: The wizard stepped closer, still smiling in that way that was 87.5% creepy leer.

(13:42) Sam: “Mmm, you like your men strong, do you?”

(13:43) Sam: “Oh yes,” Zeldissa said. “So strong.”

(13:43) Sam: “What else do you like in a man, little adventurer?” he said, his voice getting lower. Throatier. Oh god, was he turned on?

(13:44) Sam: Zeldissa finally got her fingers on the scissors as she twisted into what she HOPED looked like a seductive pose (but really just kind of looked like a pretzel and a Rubik’s cube had a baby… still, the wizard had no real standards and didn’t care)

(13:44) Sam: She started sawing away at the cables.

(13:45) Sam: (strength check on the cables)

(13:45) Sam: (rolling)

(13:45) Sam: (clattery sounds of a 20-sided die bouncing around a table)

(13:45) Sam: (OH NO, IT WENT IN THE CHEETOS BAG)

(13:46) Sam: (sound of scrambling and crunching as someone digs out the die)

(13:46) Sam: (re-rolling)

(13:46) Sam: (a 6- those aren’t very strong cables, are they?)

(13:48) Sam: “Oh, you know, I like my men… uh… funny. Funny guys are good. Like, real funny. Not bad comedy funny. Not ‘haha, oh, I’m just laughing because I’m too awkward to say that isn’t funny’ but genuinely funny. Can’t-breathe-I’m-laughing-too-hard funny. Accidentally-swallowed-my-gum-and-choked-on-it-while-laughing-and-now-I’m-coughing-and-choking-and-might-die funny.”

(13:49) Sam: “I can be funny,” the man said, edging closer. “You want to hear a joke, pretty thing?”

(13:51) Sam: “Oh yes,” Zeldissa said. She batted her eyes in a manner she thought was flirty.

(13:51) Sam: “Uh, you okay? You got something in your eye? Are you having a seizure?” The wizard looked uncomfortable. And concerned. And still kinda pervy.

(13:53) Sam: “Oh, I’m fine,” she said, finally cutting through the cable. Somehow, by just cutting one cable, the entire mass of intricate ties and knots just fell to the floor around her.

(13:53) Sam: (we call that video game magic, kids)

(13:54) Sam: “What?” The wizard was flummoxed. Dumbfounded. Bewildered. Other synonyms for confused.

(13:55) Sam: “Someone’s about to have a bad hair day!” Zeldissa said, leaping toward the wizard, scissors poised to strike.

(13:56) Sam: “What?” he asked again. Zeldissa stopped, her dual blades pressed against his throat.

(13:56) Sam: “You heard me,” she said.

(13:57) Sam: “That was the WORST one-liner I’ve ever heard,” the wizard said. “It didn’t make sense. Why are you talking about haircuts?!”

(13:57) Sam: “Because I have scissors…” Zeldissa said, her confidence in her badassery waning. “You know. Scissors. Haircut.”

(13:58) Sam: “No, no, you didn’t even say haircut. You said bad hair DAY,” the wizard said. “Honestly, was that supposed to strike fear in my heart? You’re going to mess my hair up? That’s it?”

(13:58) Sam: “Well, no, I mean-”

(13:59) Sam: “Jesus, the very cliché ‘the joke’s on you now’ would have been better than that. At least we were talking about jokes.”

(13:59) Sam: “What if I’d said something about how giving you a hair cut would make you look funny?” Zeldissa asked

(14:00) Sam: “You are just making it worse. Seriously, what kind of adventurer can’t even toss out a good one-liner?” The wizard kept going, mocking our heroine for minutes.

(14:00) Sam: MINUTES

(14:00) Sam: (break time!)

(14:13) Sam: (resuming)

(14:14) Sam: Zeldissa pressed the deadly points of her scissors harder against the wizard’s throat. A small trickle of blood ran down his neck.

(14:15) Sam: “Listen, buddy, I will KILL you if you don’t shut up” she said. “I’m here for the headset… and where is my COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device?”

(14:15) Sam: “Oh, that,” he said, completely nonplussed. “I took that. Fascinating thing, a pixel pixie. I haven’t seen one in years. I’m going to keep her for my… collection.”

(14:15) Sam: “Your collection of what?”

(14:15) Sam: “You absolutely cannot handle the answer to that question, little adventurer,” the man said.

(14:18) Sam: “You’re right- I don’t want to know,” she muttered. “Just give me back the pixie, give me the headset, and I’ll let you live.”

(14:19) Sam: “Very well,” the wizard said with a shrug. “Follow me.” He turned and walked out of the room. Zeldissa followed him, scissors pointed squarely at his ass. She prodded him periodically to speed him up. His little yelps and glares pleased her.

(14:20) Sam: After a while, she started looking around. They appeared to be in an elaborate dungeon… there were a lot of, uh, restraints everywhere. And tools for… oh my, I’m not sure those are torture tools there. Zeldissa blushed.

(14:20) Sam: “How often do you, uh, get prisoners here?” she asked. The wizard stopped suddenly (which earned him a sharp poke in the butt) and turned to face her.

(14:21) Sam: He towered over her, that leer back on his face. Zeldissa held her scissors aloft a little shakily- she would never admit it, but she was a bit intimidated by his height.

(14:21) Sam: “Oh, I get PLENTY of prisoners. Lovely little things like you. Some come to me. Others I have to go steal. But it’s been so long, and I’m…”

(14:22) Sam: “I DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE” she shreiked, jabbing his arm with the scissors. “KEEP WALKING, YOU CREEP.”

(14:22) Sam: (*shrieked. Christ)

(14:23) Sam: Still smiling, the wizard turned and kept walking. Zeldissa couldn’t tell if they were walking further into the dungeon or out of it, but eventually, he opened a door and revealed a stairwell.

(14:23) Sam: “Ladies first,” he gestured.

(14:23) Sam: “NO. You go first. I don’t even know where I’m going,” she said. Then she muttered “Plus, I don’t want you staring at my butt when we’re going up the stairs.”

(14:24) Sam: “Oh, I see,” he teased. “You’d rather stare at mine.”

(14:24) Sam: “JUST START WALKING” Zeldissa said, waving the scissors around erratically.

(14:24) Sam: The wizard started up the stairs, our heroine right behind him (definitely NOT looking at his ass)

(14:25) Sam: Up and up they climbed. Dear god, there were so many stairs. Couldn’t a tech wizard rig a damn elevator in his lair or something?

(14:26) Sam: This place didn’t look this tall from the outside. Seriously, how were there this many stairs? Our heroine was getting out of breath and her legs were starting to burn. The wizard wasn’t in THAT good of shape- there’s no way he climbed these all the time.

(14:28) Sam: He stopped at a landing with a dark blue door. He opened it and bowed, gesturing for her to go first. Almost gentlemanly. While suspicious, our plucky heroine stepped inside.

(14:29) Sam: The room was dimly lit. She could hear the sound of many fans and could see thousands of tiny lights blinking in rows extending far into the distance. It kind of looked like stars.

(14:29) Sam: “Pretty” she said, a little flippantly. And a little wheezily. That was too many stairs.

(14:30) Sam: “Your pixie is over here,” he said, walking off into the dim room. Zeldissa followed him warily.

(14:31) Sam: Her footsteps were a muffled noise amidst the whirring of the fans, but she heard a sudden loud clank that made her realize the material beneath her feet had changed.

(14:31) Sam: She looked down.

(14:31) Sam: Too late.

(14:31) Sam: She was standing on a metal circle. And the circle was starting to glow. Green.

(14:32) Sam: The wizard’s eyes shone with the same light in the darkness.

(14:32) Sam: “You should have just killed me,” the wizard said. “Now you’ll be mine. Forever.”

(14:33) Sam: Thin fiber optic cables began to slither out of tiny holes in the green circle. They crawled up her body, jabbing her, sliding under her skin.

(14:33) Sam: She couldn’t move to escape them

(14:34) Sam: All she could do was stand there, transfixed, staring in horror as the thin cables continued their way up to her head, more and more of them sliding under her skin like needles.

(14:35) Sam: She began to feel insubstantial. Filled with the green light racing through the cabling. When the cables reached her face, her vision went green. She could see millions of 1s and 0s racing across her vision, obscuring the world around her.

(14:35) Sam: “Welcome to my collection, sweets,” the wizard whispered in her ear.

(14:35) Sam: And everything went dark for a moment.

(14:38) Sam: Slowly, new things started to come into focus. The plush carpeting beneath her feet. The sultry red and gold fabrics draped from ceiling to floor. The soft cushions and beds scattered around the large, circular room. The quiet sound of muted female laughter.

(14:39) Sam: *Oh shit* came a familiar voice. Zeldissa turned to see Yuniss standing in front of her. Actually standing there. In person. The same height as our heroine and everything.

(14:40) Sam: *He got you in here too? We are SO screwed* Yuniss muttered. *I was counting on you to rescue me.*

(14:40) Sam: “Are we… are we in THE MATRIX?” Zeldissa gasped.

(14:41) Sam: *Worse,* Yuniss said. *We’re in the wizard’s digital harem. But, I mean, yeah, it’s basically The Matrix. Only naughtier*

(14:42) Sam: “Oh god” Zeldissa started hyperventilating a little. “Oh, I cannot stay here. We have to get out. And what are you WEARING?!”

(14:42) Sam: *More like what am I not wearing* Yuniss said *Because the answer to that would be CLOTHES. This is some kind of horrible fan service outfit*

(14:42) Sam: “Find something to wear!” Zeldissa said.

(14:43) Sam: *If this makes you angry, you’re going to be REALLY mad when you see what you’re wearing* the pixie said. Zeldissa looked down.

(14:43) Sam: “WHAT THE <MEMO>?”

(14:44) Sam: Zeldissa was furious. Fuming. Her purple hair started to look kind of ginger, if you looked at it in the right light.

(14:44) Sam: “OH NO,” she said. “I am NOT getting stuck in more of this sicko’s pervy fantasies. We are LEAVING.”

(14:45) Sam: *I don’t think we can* Yuniss said. *This whole thing is built in his head. We can’t escape unless he lets us out. Or…*

(14:45) Sam: “Or what?”

(14:45) Sam: *Or, you know, DIES* the pixie said *Which was your job. Now we’re stuck here until someone else comes along and manages to off the guy*

(14:50) Sam: “Can’t we kill him from in here?” she asked

(14:50) Sam: *I don’t think so* said the pixie, shaking her head. *This place isn’t… real, exactly.*

(14:51) Sam: “But it is his dream world, right?” Zeldissa asked.

(14:51) Sam: *Uh… sort of, yeah*

(14:51) Sam: “Hmm… we can’t kill him. So we’ll just have to get him to let us out.”

(14:51) Sam: *Uh… HOW?*

(14:52) Sam: Zeldissa brandished her scissors (which managed to transport with her to the weird Harematrix, because PLOT HOLE, DEAL WITH IT)

(14:53) Sam: “Let’s destroy the dream. Wreck the fantasy. He won’t want us in it then”

(14:54) Sam: And with that, our heroine attacked the Harematrix. She sliced cushions, she tore up draperies, she cut up some of the carpet (because she could). After a minute, Yuniss joined her, smashing bottles of wine, screeching loudly, all in all making the place a riot of noise and destruction.

(14:54) Sam: Then she set the place on fire

(14:54) Sam: “Nicely done” Zeldissa said. “Except for one thing.”

(14:55) Sam: *What’s that?*

(14:55) Sam: “There’s no way out and you just SET THE PLACE ON FIRE”

(14:56) Sam: *Oh* the pixie appeared thoughtful. *Huh. I didn’t think of that.*

(14:56) Sam: “Now we’re going to DIE HERE” Zeldissa said.

(14:56) Sam: *Yeah, but is that really worse than having to stay here ALIVE?*

(14:56) Sam: “I don’t want to die!” Zeldissa said.

(14:57) Sam: *Yeah, well, sorry about that. Too late now. May as well just embrace it* And with that, Yuniss walked into the flames.

(14:57) Sam: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

(14:59) Sam: “JESUS, STOP IT” came a booming voice. The room started shaking and melting into computer code around our heroine.

(15:00) Sam: After a few moments, she found herself once again in the large, dimly lit room. There was a little more light now, and the wizard sat at a desk, clutching his head in his hands and groaning.

(15:00) Sam: “You are evil” he hissed.

(15:01) Sam: “Uh, no. You’re evil. Now hand over the headset and the communication device and I’ll leave you here, in the ruins of your debauchery” Zeldissa said.

(15:02) Sam: “Fine. Christ. Whatever. The headset’s over there,” he said, gesturing toward some shelves against a nearby wall. “Small blue box. Top right. Just take the thing and go away, harpy”

(15:02) Sam: “And my communicator?”

(15:03) Sam: The wizard stood up. “Your little friend is right here-” he started reaching into his pants.

(15:03) Sam: “HOLD IT RIGHT THERE”

(15:04) Sam: “MY HAND IS IN MY POCKET” he yelled, tossing the communicator at her. “The pixie’s data was stored on that. I was just remote accessing it. It’s all still there. Now take her and the headset and just get out of here.”

(15:04) Sam: “Yuniss is alive?” she asked.

(15:05) Sam: “Yes. I just said that” he snapped. “Go. AWAY.”

(15:05) Sam: Zeldissa ran to the shelves, grabbed the box containing the headset, rushed to the door and-

(15:05) Sam: “Uh… so, how do I get out of here?” she asked.

(15:06) Sam: “Five stories down,” he growled. “Red door. Now GO”

(15:07) Sam: And so she did, almost falling down the stairs in her haste.

(15:07) Sam: Once outside, she started running.

(15:07) Sam: Which lasted for about twenty steps.

(15:07) Sam: Then she stopped, because she was exhausted. She pulled out her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device and powered it on.

(15:08) Sam: For a moment, the screen was dark. Zeldissa’s heart fell a little (because no matter how much they bicker, deep down, our heroine was growing fond of the annoying pixie).

(15:08) Sam: And then, in a blink, Yuniss was there

(15:08) Sam: *YAY, I DIDN’T DIE IN A FIRE*

(15:10) Sam: “Not for lack of trying,” Zeldissa said. “Don’t do that to me again!”

(15:10) Sam: *Awww, you missed me* Yuniss said.

(15:10) Sam: “I never said that”

(15:10) Sam: *But you implied it* The pixie’s grin was devilish.

(15:11) Sam: “Whatever” Zeldissa said. “We got the stupid headset. Where to now?”

(15:11) Sam: *Somewhere to get a snack?*

(15:11) Sam: “The fate of New Ophis rests on us. We can’t just go get snacks all the time!”

(15:11) Sam: *Fine* Yuniss grumbled. *You didn’t even let me fight the wizard*

(15:13) Sam: “Oh, I’m sorry, you were too busy trying to burn to death” Zeldissa snapped. “Let’s go back to Therdpahrty. We can fast travel there and the Only Slightly Grungy foam ear covers are there”

(15:14) Sam: (fast travel to the shores of Kolecksion Lake? Y/N)

(15:19) Sam: Whatever. Player is fast traveling.

(15:19) Sam: (there is a swish. a pop. a tinkly little jingle, like wind chimes)

(15:20) Sam: (and now you’re back at Kolecksion Lake)

(15:20) Sam: (and you have to go soon)

(15:20) Sam: (save game? Y/N)

(15:20) Alissa: Yes!

A Brief Hiatus

Because Ginger Assistant is a flake who never shows up to work (she got her wisdom teeth out Friday and literally told me today she couldn’t come in today because she couldn’t walk… which makes all of the sense), we are on adventure hiatus until probably Thursday, because that’s when I expect she’ll finally drag herself back to work.

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Fourth)

And now, more adventuring!

***

(14:18) Sam: *doo doo dee doo*
(14:18) Sam: (ooo, the music changed)
(14:18) Sam: (would you like to load last save? Y/N)
(14:18) Alissa: Yezzzz
(14:19) Sam: (invalid entry)
(14:19) Sam: (would you like to load last save? Y/N)
(14:19) Alissa: Yes!
(14:19) Sam: LOOOOOOOOOAAAAADDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
(14:20) Sam: Zeldissa wandered into town, wondering where she could find 20 pads of sticky notes.
(14:20) Sam: “Where on earth could I find 20 pads of sticky notes?” she asked aloud
(14:20) Sam: (see? told you she was wondering)
(14:21) Sam: *I know!* Yuniss said. Zeldissa pulled out her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device to look at the pixel pixie
(14:21) Sam: “You do?” Zeldissa was suspicious, because Yuniss had proven extremely unhelpful thus far
(14:21) Sam: In her mind
(14:22) Sam: *I saw a bunch of sticky notes lying around under Treesh’s tree* Yuniss said *I bet she can give you some*
(14:22) Sam: “Nobody GIVES me anything” Zeldissa muttered
(14:22) Sam: Still, she may as well check out the lead.
(14:22) Sam: (fast travel to the shore of Kolecksion Lake? Y/N)
(14:22) Alissa: Yes
(14:23) Sam: *zip*
(14:23) Sam: *whoosh*
(14:23) Sam: *twinkle*
(14:23) Sam: Zeldissa arrived on the shore of Kolecksion Lake, mere feet away from Treesh’s tree.
(14:24) Sam: “Okay, so the teleportation stone is pretty cool” she said. “You know, when it wants to work”
(14:24) Sam: *It always works if you use it right* Yuniss said. Zeldissa ignored her.
(14:24) Sam: “Treesh!” our heroine cried, waving her arms around zanily. “Hello, Treesh? HELLLOOO?”
(14:24) Sam: Treesh turned around. “I’m right here. Why are you yelling?”
(14:25) Sam: “Sorry, I’m just a little hyper after the teleporting” Zeldissa said. She looked down and saw sticky notes scattered all around her feet. When she looked up, she saw pads of sticky notes hanging amongst the foliage.
(14:25) Sam: “This…is a strange tree” Zeldissa said quietly.
(14:26) Sam: “What did you say about my tree?” the dryad asked
(14:26) Sam: “I said it’s a lovely tree. Quite tree-like. Lots of… branches. Leaves. Some bark. Good tree” Zeldissa babbled
(14:28) Sam: “Oh, isn’t it?” Treesh gush. “It’s the best tree. I love it”
(14:29) Sam: “Yes, well… I was wondering if maybe, you know” Zeldissa shuffled awkwardly. “Is there anyway I could maybe get a pad of sticky notes from your tree? Or two? Or, you know… 20?”
(14:29) Sam: “20 pads of sticky notes?!” Treesh exclaimed “Why do you need so many?”
(14:30) Sam: “Oh, you know… lots of use for sticky notes while adventuring. Labeling paths. Making notes about creatures. Marking secret grottos.” Zeldissa lied.
(14:32) Sam: “Oh, why didn’t you say so?” Treesh said. “You can absolutely have as many as you need.”
(14:32) Sam: “Oh, okay… then I need 20 pads” Zeldissa said.
(14:33) Sam: “Give me just a second,” Treesh said, climbing up the tree. Pads of sticky notes started to rain down on our heroine.
(14:33) Sam: “Ow!” she exclaimed as the sharp corner of one pad jabbed into her head on the way down.
(14:34) Sam: “Sorry!” Treesh said. “Maybe you shouldn’t stand directly under the tree, yes?”
(14:34) Sam: Grumbling slightly, Zeldissa stepped aside. Soon, Treesh was back on the ground.
(14:34) Sam: “Here you go, 20 pads of sticky notes,” Treesh said brightly.
(14:34) Sam: “Um… thank you,” Zeldissa said awkwardly, taking the pads and placing them in her trusty (slightly weird) satchel.
(14:35) Sam: “Come back and visit anytime!” Treesh said, waving as Zeldissa walked away.
(14:35) Sam: *I can’t believe you lied to her* Yuniss said
(14:35) Sam: “I can’t believe it worked”
(14:35) Sam: (fast travel to the castle town? Y/N)
(14:35) Alissa: Yes!
(14:36) Sam: Soon, Zeldissa found herself back in town… but it was still the same day as when she’d spoken to the Trainer, and she couldn’t go back until tomorrow.
(14:36) Sam: So, she wandered the street for a bit, looking for an inn. Or a comfy pile of hay. Or anything, really. She just needed some sleep.
(14:37) Sam: “Hey,” came a voice. Zeldissa gave the girliest of shrieks and jumped at the sound. A familiar giggle sounded behind her as Terr stepped into view.
(14:37) Sam: “You scared me,” she said accusingly. He just shrugged.
(14:37) Sam: “Who, me?”
(14:37) Sam: “Who else would I be talking to?” the purple haired girl fumed
(14:38) Sam: “Now, calm down, calm down,” Terr said. “I just saw you wandering around and wondered if I could help you with anything.”
(14:38) Sam: “Actually, I’m looking for an inn…” she said. His eyes brightened.
(14:39) Sam: “Oh, then you want to stay at the Break Room, it’s great, you just go down this road, then take a left and when you hit a T go right and it’s through some gates…”
(14:39) Sam: “Uh…” Zeldissa said, already lost.
(14:39) Sam: “Oh, come on. I’ll show you,” Terr said. He extended his arm to her gallantly.
(14:40) Sam: *Oh, he’s good* Yuniss said again
(14:40) Sam: Terr looked puzzled for a second, then shrugged. Zeldissa put her hand on his arm and he led her through the town, chattering all the while and smoking a fine cigar.
(14:40) Sam: Zeldissa had never felt so classy. Or dishevelled. Simultaneously
(14:41) Sam: Terr left her at the entrance to the Break Room, where Zeldissa spent a completely uneventful night passed out on a bed, drooling slightly on the pillow.
(14:42) Sam: In the morning, she once again powered up her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device to find Yuniss yawning and wearing a tiny pair of digital glasses.
(14:42) Sam: “How… why… you’re a computer program. You don’t need glasses” Zeldissa said.
(14:42) Sam: *YES I DO* screeched the pixie, and the noise was so terribly shrill that Zeldissa just dropped the subject
(14:44) Sam: Zeldissa got lost about 20 times along the way, but she eventually managed to find her way back to the shady little street where the Trainer lived. When she walked in the door, he hopped up and down a little, clapping his hands together excitedly.
(14:45) Sam: “Oh, you are going to be so excited. I found everything you asked for” he said. The then stopped clapping and looked at her disdainfully. “Of course, if you don’t have my payment, I’m afraid we’re done here.”
(14:47) Sam: (give Trainer sticky notes? Y/N)
(14:47) Alissa: Yes
(14:49) Sam: Zeldissa presented the Trainer with the stickies. He was once again terribly giddy.
(14:51) Sam: “Great! Okay, here are the things you wanted,” he said, shoving three dark things into the light. Standing there was a disgruntled looking dwarf with a lyre, a very confused monkey, and a kindly looking forest sprite.
(14:53) Sam: “…You play music?” Zeldissa asked the dwarf. He just grunted and nodded.
(14:54) Sam: “Well, okay then!” said our spunky heroine
(14:58) Sam: And so, Zeldissa tromped back toward the forest (because she couldn’t fast travel with all those crazy followers)
(14:59) Sam: First, she stopped at the Eastern Tangle, where she introduced Sir Hillyard to the forest sprite. The sprite looked around the forest and with a no-nonsense efficiency, she set to work on the sickly trees.
(15:00) Sam: Sir Hillyard thanked our heroine, then headed back to work, tending his region of the forest.
(15:04) Sam: Then, Zeldissa headed to the Northern Briar, where the monkey leapt eagerly from her arms and into the arms of Sir Ryan. The knight began giving the monkey a series of instructions, which, strangely enough, the animal seemed to be listening to. Once the knight was finished, the monkey bounded up the nearest tree.
(15:04) Sam: Sir Ryan thanked Zeldissa off-handedly, saying the monkey would just help make his region of the forest even more amazing.
(15:06) Sam: Zeldissa rolled her eyes and headed to the Western Woods, where Sir Eaton leapt excitedly from his seat at the sight of the dwarven bard.
(15:07) Sam: The dwarf sighed and started strumming his lyre while Sir Eaton began singing boisterously, the two marching off into the forest. Zeldissa just kind of waved after the two before sighing and turning around.
(15:07) Sam: Only to find Potter standing no more than two feet from her, a small red bird perched on his shoulder.
(15:07) Sam: “I see you have helped my knights” the wise man said. “Thank you.”
(15:08) Sam: “I’m not really sure how this will stop the forest expansion…” Zeldissa said. The bird trilled sharply.
(15:08) Sam: “It’s okay, Aami. She’s a child- we can’t expect her to understand such things.” Potter said.
(15:09) Sam: “I’m not a child” Zeldissa said, stomping her foot. Potter smirked at her.
(15:09) Sam: “Of course not. Now, begone with you. Back to Ekovah. I have a forest to monitor”
(15:09) Sam: And suddenly, Zeldissa found herself poofed to the edge of the forest near the path to her village
(15:10) Sam: *Did that crazy guy have a bird for a friend?* Yuniss scoffed
(15:10) Sam: “Oh, yes, that’s so much weirder than a digital pixie in my pocket” Zeldissa said.
(15:10) Sam: Yuniss sulked
(15:11) Sam: Zeldissa traveled into the village, which seemed far busier than it had been recently. Villagers waved at her as she passed.
(15:11) Sam: She entered the home of the Head…er Man, who smiled (probably for the first time ever) at her approach.
(15:13) Sam: “Young heroine, you have stopped the expansion of the Natgrid” the Head…er Man said. “And the Safeguards are protecting and caring for our village again. At least for the next 90 days or so, the village is safe! We cannot thank you enough.”
(15:13) Sam: “Uh… no problem” Zeldissa said
(15:14) Sam: “Please, take this as a token of my esteem,” the Head…er Man said. “I used this when I was a young adventurer.”
(15:14) Sam: *There is no way that guy was ever young* Yuniss muttered. The gnome steward lunged menacingly toward our heroine, but the Head…er Man stilled him with a raised hand.
(15:15) Sam: “Forgive the pixie, Gnome. She is a foolish creature by nature”
(15:15) Sam: The steward grumpily returned to his post.
(15:15) Sam: “For your service to Ekovah, I present you with this…
(15:15) Sam: …
(15:15) Sam: …
(15:15) Sam: PAIR OF SCISSORS”
(15:15) Sam: (gasp)
(15:15) Sam: “Oh, I’m not allowed to wield scissors” Zeldissa said
(15:16) Sam: *Neither am I* said the pixie
(15:16) Sam: “Well, you are now,” said the Head…er Man. “Let no one say I am not a beneficent leader.”
(15:17) Sam: “This… is… AWESOME!” shrieked Zeldissa, streaking out of the hut, holding the scissors aloft.
(15:17) Sam: “Stop running with those, you little idiot!” the Head…er Man said. He already regretted giving the girl those old scissors. She was going to hurt herself.
(15:19) Sam: Zeldissa ran off down the road. She cut leaves. She cut flowers. She cut some very small twigs.
(15:20) Sam: She thought about cutting her hair, but was then really indecisive about it, and couldn’t do it in the end. Even though short hair would probably be better for adventuring.
(15:21) Sam: Soon, she was bored
(15:21) Sam: She put the scissors away and pulled out her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device.
(15:22) Sam: “Okay, Yuniss, time to start our REAL QUEST” said our heroine
(15:22) Sam: *Duh*
(15:30) Sam: “Where should be go first?” Zeldissa asked
(15:31) Sam: *Let’s go to Eyetee* Yuniss said *I’ve always wanted to fight a wizard*
(15:31) Sam: “You have some weird life goals” Zeldissa said
(15:40) Sam: And so, our heroine started the trek toward Eyetee.
(15:43) Sam: The closer she got to the wizard’s fortress, the more tangled the cable bushes became. Zeldissa tripped a few times, falling among the cables. Bubble wrap tumbleweeds blew into her face.
(15:43) Sam: *BUBBLE WRAP!* squealed Yuniss
(15:44) Sam: “You can’t even touch it” Zeldissa muttered. But she stepped on the bubble wrap as she continued forward. It made a satisfying snapping sound, like firecrackers. Which Zeldissa also wasn’t allowed to have (along with power tools, knives, and certain types of cheeses).
(15:45) Sam: Yuniss squealed at the sound of the popping bubble wrap.
(15:45) Sam: But while the sound had been satisfying, the sound echoed through the barren land. The sky darkened as Zeldissa continued forward, and great towers started to rise out of the ground, hindering her path further.
(15:46) Sam: “Seriously, does this guy never clean up after himself?” she muttered.
(15:47) Sam: She gingerly (HAH- because you used to be ginger. See what I did there?) picked her way toward the fortress. The air got ever colder and the sky even darker the closer she got to the imposing structure.
(15:48) Sam: *I don’t like this* Yuniss said quietly
(15:48) Sam: “Neither do I” said our heroine. “I feel like we’re walking into a trap”
(15:48) Sam: *No, I meant the darkness. You’re going to make me conjure a light again, aren’t you?*
(15:48) Sam: “…Well, now that you mention it”
(15:49) Sam: *CURSES!* the pixie shrieked, but she grudgingly produced her little pink light.
(15:50) Sam: “Well, well,” came a voice from just behind our heroine. She spun to see a smarmy-looking man standing behind her, mystical designs etched onto his skin. “Now what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”
(15:50) Sam: “Are you the wizard of Eyetee?” our heroine asked.
(15:50) Sam: “Maybe,” he said. “But who are you, in the daring little adventurer get up?”
(15:51) Sam: “I’m here on a mission from King Clift,” Zeldissa said, staring the wizard down. “I’m here for the Gently Used Headset.”
(15:51) Sam: The wizard’s eyes hardened.
(15:51) Sam: “Wrong answer, little girl,” he said. “SLEEP MODE!”
(15:52) Sam: Zeldissa’s world suddenly went dark.
(15:52) Sam: (It’s getting late. Save game? Y/N)
(15:52) Alissa: Yes!