The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Eighteenth)

Oh yes, a twofer today.

Enjoy.

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(14:47) Sam: *doodle dee doo*

(14:47) Sam: (Load last save? Y/N)

(14:47) Alissa: YYEEEEESSSSSSS

(14:48) Sam: (When last we left our heroine, she had just told the great dragon Sssssam a truly outrageous story and was begging the beast to let her be its servant)

(14:49) Sam: ‘HMMMMM’ Sssssam murmured, a deep rumble that shook the cavern. ‘I’M NOT SURE I REALLY NEED A SERVANT… THEN AGAIN, IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAD SOMEONE TO PROPERLY WORSHIP ME AND SHINE MY SCALES.’

(14:49) Sam: *Oh, how the mighty have fallen* Yuniss muttered.

(14:53) Sam: “Please, oh great Sssssam” Zeldissa said. “I would love nothing more than to serve you!”

(14:53) Sam: *Seriously, this is just sad*

(14:57) Sam: ‘VERY WELL, PURPLE HAIRED HUMAN’ the dragon boomed. ‘YOU SHALL BE MY SERVANT. BASK IN THE GLORY THAT IS ME.’

(15:06) Sam: And with that, the dragon tipped back its great head and blew a huge plume of flame onto the cavern ceiling. The fire heated the dark stone to a brilliant golden white. Zeldissa could see ripples in the stone as the force of the blast pushed the melted rock outward.

(15:08) Sam: Zeldissa gasped.

(15:08) Sam: “Please, my… master, the heat…. is too much” she gasped.

(15:14) Sam: For a moment, the dragon continued. Zeldissa collapsed to the ground, panting heavily, desperate for some air that wasn’t super-heated and scorching her lungs.

(15:14) Sam: Finally, the dragon ceased its display and turned to the girl.

(15:15) Sam: ‘APOLOGIES, LITTLE ONE’ it said. ‘SOMETIMES I FORGET HOW FRAGILE YOU PEOPLE ARE.’

(15:15) Sam: “It’s fine” Zeldissa wheezed. “I’m good. Yep. Just fine.”

(15:17) Sam: ‘GOOD’ the dragon rumbled. ‘NOW, THERE ARE A FEW RULES YOU WILL HAVE TO ABIDE BY IF YOU WISH TO LIVE TO SERVE ME. YOU WILL STAY ONLY IN THIS MAIN CHAMBER- YOU SHALL NOT VENTURE OUTSIDE, NOR WILL YOU GO INTO THE BACK ROOM.’

(15:17) Sam: “The back room?”

(15:19) Sam: ‘THAT CHAMBER RIGHT THERE’ the dragon boomed, pointing one long claw at a large passageway that led out the opposite side of the cave from where Zeldissa had entered. ‘THAT AREA IS MINE AND MINE ALONE. YOU WILL NOT GO THERE… UNDERSTAND?’

(15:20) Sam: “Uh, yeah, sure. Got it. Don’t go in the back room,” Zeldissa muttered. She was really concerned that she was getting in over her head in this situation.

(15:20) Sam: And that she was going to end up a heroine-kebab.

(15:22) Sam: ‘VERY WELL’ Sssssam said. ‘THEN YOU CAN BEGIN BY… UH…’

(15:22) Sam: The dragon seemed at a loss as to what to make its new servant do.

(15:22) Sam: ‘YOU CAN SORT THAT PILE OF SOCKS’

(15:23) Sam: “…Why… Um…” Zeldissa stammered. “Oh great Sssssam, why do you keep a pile of socks in your lair?”

(15:24) Sam: ‘I….’ For a moment, the dragon seemed… almost ashamed. ‘YOU DO NOT QUESTION THE WHIMS OF YOUR BETTERS, LITTLE HUMAN. NOW, SORT THOSE SOCKS. I WANT THEM FOLDED IN SMALL PILES BY COLOR AND TYPE.’

(15:25) Sam: Zeldissa sighed inside, but outwardly managed a smile and a small (extremely bobbly) curtsy. “As you say, my master.”

(15:26) Sam: And so, Zeldissa spent many hours sorting what turned out to be a MASSIVE pile of socks while Sssssam lounged nearby, furtively watching our heroine while pretending to read an oversized newspaper.

(15:26) Sam: “Oh mighty Sssssam?” Zeldissa asked, causing the dragon to cough out a fireball and burn the newspaper up.

(15:26) Sam: ‘ER… UM… WHAT, SERVANT?’ the dragon sputtered.

(15:27) Sam: Zeldissa looked at the dragon carefully. Yes, the creature was imposing. It could probably kill her in a hundred ways without even trying. But our heroine was starting to think there might be something a bit… OFF about this monster.

(15:34) Sam: “I am sorry, oh great Sssssam,” Zeldissa said. “I am but a weak and tiny human. I am not capable of the same feats of greatness as you. My body is exhausted from my travels- may I please sleep a bit before continuing with this task?”

(15:36) Sam: ‘FINE’ the dragon said. If Zeldissa was correct, the great creature sounded embarrassed. ‘FIND A SPOT….ANYWHERE’ The dragon gestured a clawed hand around the massive cave.

(15:37) Sam: “Thank you, great one,” Zeldissa said. The dragon just muttered a rumbly mutter and wandered off toward the back of the cavern

(15:37) Sam: ‘AND REMEMBER’ it said as it left. ‘DON’T LEAVE AND DON’T FOLLOW ME.’

(15:38) Sam: “Wouldn’t dream of it, master,” Zeldissa called to the dragon’s retreating form. With a swish of its massive tail, the dragon disappeared into the mysterious back cavern.

(15:44) Sam: Zeldissa waited a few minutes. Five, maybe. It was hard to tell time in the cave, even though she had a pixel pixie at hand that could probably tell her.

(15:45) Sam: Then, she started rooting around in the treasure piles. And the not-so-treasury piles.

(15:45) Sam: “Who needs a pile of 300 wooden legs?” she muttered.

(15:45) Sam: *You think the dragon ate all the owners of those legs, or just stole the legs from the disabled?* Yuniss asked.

(15:47) Sam: “I don’t know” Zeldissa said. “Honestly, I don’t know which is worse.”

(15:47) Sam: *I think death is worse* Yuniss said.

(15:47) Sam: “I meant, is it worse to KILL someone or to steal from the disabled? Both seem pretty wrong.”

(15:47) Sam: *They are not even in the same solar system, you twit* Yuniss said.

(15:47) Sam: “Whatever” Zeldissa muttered, shifting some massive opals around.

(15:49) Sam: Twenty-seven “treasure” piles later, Zeldissa fell to the floor like a puppet with cut strings.

(15:49) Sam: “This is useless” she said. “I could do this for YEARS and never find the Holy Pigtail.”

(15:49) Sam: *You need to get the dragon to show you where it is* Yuniss said.

(15:49) Sam: “HOW?!”

(15:49) Sam: *I dunno… ask?*

(15:50) Sam: “Oh yeah, that’ll go over well. Just ask the man-eating dragon where it keeps the treasure I want to steal from it.”

(15:50) Sam: *Maybe… maybe you just need some leverage* Yuniss said, a sly smile playing across her face.

(15:51) Sam: “I don’t like that look” Zeldissa said slowly. Yuniss grinned all the wider.

(15:51) Sam: *Come on* she said. *You KNOW you want to know what’s in that back room.*

(15:51) Sam: “The dragon said not to go back there” Zeldissa said. “I feel like ignoring it is the key to a painful, fiery death.”

(15:52) Sam: *Maybe* Yuniss said. *But I think Sssssam doesn’t want you going in there because it has something to hide.*

(15:52) Sam: Zeldissa opened her mouth to speak, but then promptly shut it. There WAS something off about that dragon. And it was REALLY insistent that she not go into the back room.

(15:52) Sam: “Oh what the hell” our brash and slightly insane heroine said. “Let’s go see what the dragon’s hiding.”

(15:53) Sam: And so, Zeldissa and her pixie companion crept down the back hallway. A sweet smell assaulted Zeldissa’s nostrils.

(15:53) Sam: “What smells so… good?” she whispered.

(15:53) Sam: Soon enough, she rounded a corner to see….

(15:53) Sam: (Oh look, the end of the shift)

(15:53) Sam: (Save game? Y/N)

(15:54) Alissa: YES

(15:54) Alissa: lol

(15:54) Alissa: I hate you

(15:54) Alissa: and your good timing