The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Twelfth)

While episodes may be not-quite-daily, the adventures of Zeldissa continue.

***

(09:43) Sam: I totally think we should do something to liven it up

(09:43) Sam: …like adventure. Yeah, adventures are good

(09:43) Alissa: Agreed.

(09:43) Sam: Woo!

(09:48) Sam: *doo deedle doo*

(09:48) Sam: (Load last save? Y/N)

(09:48) Alissa: Yes!

(09:48) Sam: (cool beans)

(09:50) Sam: Zeldissa shivered as the man ran his fingers along the axe handle.

(09:50) Sam: “I do not appreciate it when people lie to me,” the man said calmly. With an eerie calm. Creepy, creepy calm tones.

(09:52) Sam: Zeldissa was frozen in her seat. The man was beginning to stand, his fingers curling ’round the axe handle. She needed to say something. Something to deter the crazy, bearded, axe wielding denizen of this strange cottage.

(09:52) Sam: (So… what do you do? Fess up to the lie or STICK TO YOUR GUNS?)

(09:52) Alissa: STICK TO THEM

(09:52) Sam: (ballsy)

(09:53) Sam: In a move the narrator can only describe as ballsy, our heroine decided to just stick to that elaborate lie. After all, she was proud of the thing.

(09:53) Sam: “I am not lying to you,” she said with a haughty little sniff and turn of her nose.

(09:58) Sam: The man stared at her again. His brow furrowed in thought.

(09:58) Sam: “So…” he said slowly.”You are not lying.”

(09:58) Sam: “No, I am not,” Zeldissa stated.

(09:58) Sam: “So… you’re really that stupid?”

(09:59) Sam: “What do you mean?” our heroine huffed.

(10:00) Sam: “You are really stupid enough to believe some guy’s story of magic marbles,” the great bear of a man muttered. “Din, that might be worse than lying.”

(10:02) Sam: *You’re telling me* came a tiny voice from Zeldissa’s pocket. The man spun around, brandishing his axe at our heroine’s face.

(10:02) Sam: “What sorcery do you possess, witch? What was that?”

(10:04) Sam: There was a crazed look to the man’s eye. He appeared to be frothing slightly at the mouth. Like a pasty, rabid bear.

(10:06) Sam: Zeldissa knew she had two options. She either had to figure out how to talk the beast-man down… or she had to fight him.

(10:06) Sam: (Talk or fight?)

(10:08) Alissa: Act like I’m going to talk, then sneak attack fight and reveal that it was a lie because I’m not stupid like he thinks

(10:08) Sam: (Boy, that one stung, didn’t it?)

(10:09) Sam: Zeldissa eased her chair back from the table. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she noticed a strange flickering. Like the cozy fire in the fireplace had winked out for a moment.

(10:12) Sam: “I’m not a witch,” she said. “I just found this thing on the ground. And it started talking to me.” It took everything in her to lower her eyes slightly. “I… I know it’s probably cursed. Or possessed. But… but… “She sniffled, her eyes getting misty.” I just wanted someone to talk to. I was… lonely.”

(10:13) Sam: She glanced up then, her eyes big and liquidy. She saw the tip of the axe waver and start to droop to the ground.

(10:14) Sam: And that’s when she struck.

(10:14) Sam: In one smooth move, Zeldissa was out of her chair, scissors in hand. In a heartbeat, she was leaping toward the large man and burying the blades of her scissors in his pale, pale forearm.

(10:17) Sam: The man gave a howl of rage and the axe slipped from his grasp.

(10:17) Sam: (oh em geezles, time to ask the 8 ball about our heroine’s fate)

(10:17) Sam: (oooooh. that’s not good)

(10:20) Alissa: (don’t forget to reveal the lie!)

(10:21) Sam: Driving the scissors deeper into the man’s arm flesh, Zeldissa leaned in close and whispered “I cannot believe you fell for that story. Tell me, who’s the stupid one now?”

(10:23) Sam: An inhuman, utterly bestial growl broke forth from the man’s snarling lips. His teeth looked… longer than before. Sharper. Zeldissa noticed that same flickering occurring in the corner of her eye. When she looked up, she saw the quaint little kitchen begin winking in and out, showing something… dark behind. Something foul. She could see blood smeared boards and an oozing pool of green muck next to some dark rocks.

(10:24) Sam: A chill went through our heroine. She had been right- something was desperately wrong here.

(10:29) Sam: (and now a paused while I do some real work)

(10:29) Alissa: (SUSPENSE)

(10:29) Sam: (YUS)

(14:00) Sam: (continue adventuring? Y/N)

(14:01) Alissa: Yes!

(14:05) Sam: Zeldissa glanced back at the man. His eyes burned with raw fury, but she could see a deep well of intelligence beneath the anger. And that made him very, very dangerous.

(14:06) Sam: His skin appeared to be getting… slicker. His hair was lengthening. His face elongating, his eyes sinking further into his head, his mouth stretching wider and wider in a rictus grin.

(14:06) Sam: Zeldissa was afraid.

(14:07) Sam: But she didn’t feel the true touch of bone-chilling, absolute fear until the creature’s hand clamped around her throat and its long fingers began to squeeze.

(14:09) Sam: It was as if a package of fireworks went off behind her eyes. The creature’s grip was like iron and was slowly closing in, tighter and tighter.

(14:12) Sam: She gripped the scissors in her hand as firmly as she could and dug them into the offending arm.

(14:13) Sam: To absolutely no effect.

(14:14) Sam: Dark spots were starting to appear in her vision, but through the haze of pain, she could see the cottage had all but vanished, leaving a hovel in its place that looked like a serial killer’s nesting grounds.

(14:15) Sam: Zeldissa hung in the creature’s grasp, strength failing. She desperately tried to come up with a plan.

(14:15) Sam: (Because it’s been awhile since we opened up this dusty old screen…)

(14:16) Sam: (Inventory: scissors [currently buried in creature’s arm], stapler, roll of tape, lizard, really shiny gem, and the mysterious box you grabbed from the treasure pile earlier in the cave)

(14:16) Sam: (What’s the plan, girly?)

(14:17) Alissa: whats in the mysterious box…

(14:17) Sam: (I don’t know- you never opened it)

(14:17) Alissa: I wanna open it, lol, if I can while dying

(14:18) Sam: Zeldissa knew she was probably going to die here in the creature’s slimy, hairy grasp.

(14:18) Sam: So naturally, she decided to check out the treasure she’d picked up a few rooms back.

(14:18) Sam: After all, she didn’t want to die without seeing what was in the box.

(14:20) Sam: Zeldissa reached down into her bag and fumbled open the small box. She reached in and drew the treasure up to her eyes.

(14:20) Sam: It was hard to focus. The item felt… squishy.

(14:20) Sam: A little crusty.

(14:20) Sam: She looked in her raised hand.

(14:20) Sam: Two foam earpieces were clutched there.

(14:21) Sam: Two foam earpieces.

(14:21) Sam: Only slightly grungy.

(14:21) Sam: *OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME* came a voice from Zeldissa’s pocket.

(14:22) Sam: The creature snarled and drew back its other arm, devastatingly long claws sliding out of the tips of its wretched, long fingers.

(14:23) Sam: *This is bullshit* Yuniss screeched. With considerable effort, Zeldissa put the ear pieces back in her bag and drew her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device forth. It glowed with a furious pink light.

(14:25) Sam: *We’ve had the stupid ear things this whole time?!* the pixie cried. The creature howled at the noise, but Yuniss ignored it. *We’ve been traipsing around this cave, NEARLY DYING multiple times, and we picked them up out of that pile of socks on a table?*

(14:26) Sam: Zeldissa couldn’t say anything, as she was busy being strangled.

(14:26) Sam: However, she had an idea.

(14:26) Sam: With the last breath in her lungs, she pushed out the barest whisper. “shock”

(14:32) Sam: *What?* the pixie sputtered. But Zeldissa couldn’t say anything else. She just pressed the COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device into the creature’s slimy arm and hoped the pixie figured it out.

(14:35) Sam: (such suspense)

(14:35) Sam: (much drama)

(15:06) Sam: For a moment, nothing happened. Zeldissa continued her slow slide toward death, Yuniss continued being confused, and the creature began leisurely sharpening its claws on a nearby rock, preparing to tear into our heroine.

(15:07) Sam: *OH* came the pixie’s small voice from what sounded like a very long tunnel to our heroine *SHOCK*

(15:08) Sam: And with that, the little pixie unleashed a devastating little shock to the creature. Because the creature’s skin was coated in a layer of viscous slime, the shock was amplified. It zapped both the creature and Zeldissa. For our heroine, everything finally went blissfully dark.

(15:11) Sam: ——–

(15:11) Sam: ——

(15:11) Sam: oooo, time is passing

(15:11) Sam: ——-

(15:11) Sam: ——–

(15:12) Sam: Zeldissa slowly forced her eyes open. Everything hurt. Her joints. Her eyeballs. Her throat. Even her hair.

(15:12) Sam: Also, she was wet

(15:12) Sam: With a groan, she forced herself to sit up. She appeared to be half lying in a pool of fetid water. She wanted to be grossed out, but really, it was the cleanest part of this…

(15:13) Sam: She didn’t know what to call it. What had appeared to be a cottage was nothing more than a smaller cave (a cave within a cave… CAVECEPTION)/nest.

(15:14) Sam: Blood and viscera smeared all visible surfaces. Bits of flesh and gnawed on limbs of… unidentifiable creatures littered the ground.

(15:21) Sam: Crude spears sat stacked in a corner. Small bodies of undersized goblins and… arachnid/toad hybrids lay scattered about, hideously twisted and pinned by small stakes.

(15:41) Sam: (god dammit, back to the story- we are getting out of this cave today)

(15:42) Sam: The creature lay in a larger pool of muck… water… muck. Yeah, muck.

(15:42) Sam: It was not moving.

(15:43) Sam: Great burn marks ran up its arm from where the COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device had been pressed.

(15:43) Sam: Zeldissa frantically looked around.

(15:43) Sam: It was only then that she realized the COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device was still clutched in her hand.

(15:44) Sam: It was a bit damp. Zeldissa tried to wipe it off on the dry parts of her filthy shirt.

(15:44) Sam: “Yuniss?” the girl croaked through her damaged throat.

(15:44) Sam: *Here* the little pixie said wearily. The screen flickered sluggishly to life. *I think I need to charge.*

(15:45) Sam: “Can you warp us out of this cave first?” Zeldissa asked.

(15:45) Sam: *No*

(15:45) Sam: “Oh no,” our heroine murmured.

(15:45) Sam: *No, I mean the STONE you have can do that. Not my job* And with that, the device powered off.

(15:46) Sam: Zeldissa fumbled her traveling stone out of her pack and thought of the warp portal she’d placed at the entrance to the cave. There was a flash of purple light, a loud squelching sound, and suddenly she was sitting at the entrance to the cave.

(15:46) Sam: “Sunlight” she whispered.

(15:46) Sam: With the last of her strength, Zeldissa managed to warp to the castle town.

(15:47) Sam: There was a swish. A chirankle. A heavy sigh.

(15:47) Sam: And then darkness.

(15:47) Sam: (save game? Y/N)

(15:47) Alissa: Yes!

(15:47) Sam: Woo

(15:47) Alissa: lol that was a good one

(15:47) Sam: Thank goodness. We’re out of the cave

(15:48) Alissa: lol right>

(15:48) Alissa: ?*

(15:48) Alissa: that was creepy

(15:48) Alissa: and caveception

 

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Eleventh)

A friend of mine recently started working at our office, so naturally he needed to find his way into this epic.

***

(08:18) Sam: *doo dee doodly doooooooo*

(08:18) Sam: (load last save? Y/N)

(08:18) Alissa: Yes!

(08:20) Sam: (When last we left our heroine, she had just escaped certain death in the collapsing hallway by using a sissy health potion to slipperyify the ground so she could do a rockin’ slide to freedom)

(08:20) Sam: Zeldissa stood, dusting herself off. She walked back to the junction she’d been at previously.

(08:20) Sam: (Available options are right, forward, and left [NOTE: left leads back the way you initially came])

(08:21) Alissa: Forward

(08:21) Sam: Zeldissa walked forward. The hallway widened into a large room. Larger than the Wolfrog’s room. And equally damp.

(08:22) Sam: However, this room was lit by luminescent fungi growing along the walls. The fungi swirled in patterns and swayed gently in the breeze…

(08:22) Sam: Zeldissa frowned. A breeze?

(08:23) Sam: There were three exits to the room. One on the left wall, one on the right wall, and the exit directly behind her that she had entered from.

(08:24) Sam: But that was not what intrigued our heroine.

(08:25) Sam: In the far right corner of the cavernous space, a quaint little cottage sat. There was golden light spilling from the small windows and a curl of smoke from the chimney atop the roof. The cottage had a small yard, coated in what appeared to be a spongy, verdant moss.

(08:26) Sam: A window box of strange (yet beautiful) flowers hung from one of the windows.

(08:26) Sam: A neat little fence surrounded the property.

(08:27) Sam: And directly OUTSIDE that fence was a semi-circle of large, vicious spikes, completely surrounding the little cottage.

(08:29) Sam: On these spikes were the gruesome remains of various creatures. Zeldissa could make out what appeared to be a Deep Hobgoblin and a small wolfrog. The rest she couldn’t identify- just a series of slimy, bloody, partially amphibious nightmares displayed around the adorable home.

(08:29) Sam: Naturally, our heroine was a little uneasy.

(08:30) Sam: (So, what do you do?)

(08:30) Sam: (Do you leave and not look back? Do you go meet the inhabitant of the cottage? Do you leap on a spike because you’re tired of adventuring?)

(08:31) Alissa: Go to the home anyways, lol I’m never tired of adventuring

(08:38) Sam: Damn right, you aren’t.

(08:39) Sam: Zeldissa knew that, while her quest for the Only Slightly Grungy foam ear pieces led her to this cave… she really had no idea WHERE in the cave they could be. She better investigate anything suspicious.

(08:39) Sam: And boy, was this little house suspicious.

(08:41) Sam: (BTW, yes, you can go to break closer to 9)

(08:42) Sam: So, our plucky heroine started toward the little cottage, hand on scissors, ready to battle anything tha-

(08:42) Sam: *YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING* shrieked Yuniss

(08:42) Sam: (shrieked it so hard there was no punctuation, apparently)

(08:43) Sam: *You are NOT taking me into that creepy little house* the pixie yelled. *I won’t go. You can’t make me. I’m done with this quest*

(08:44) Sam: “And how, exactly, are you going to escape?” Zeldissa asked. “You’re trapped in this COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device, after all”

(09:04) Sam: *I can leave anytime I want* Yuniss said. *I’m not trapped here.*

(09:04) Sam: There was the sound of tiny grunts and struggles. The pixie had her eyes squeezed tight and was almost vibrating from strain.

(09:05) Sam: Suddenly, Yuniss gave a defeated gasp. *Fine. Okay. I appear to be stuck* She gave Zeldissa a suspicious look. *What did you DO?*

(09:06) Sam: “I didn’t do anything” Zeldissa said. “Except, you know, flip this little LOCK switch on the side.”

(09:06) Sam: *HOW DARE YOU TRAP ME?* Yuniss squeaked

(09:06) Sam: “Hey, I didn’t want to press a button and accidentally delete you. I thought I was being considerate.”

(09:06) Sam: *FIX IT*

(13:23) Sam: Zeldissa grinned at the little pixie. “No, I don’t think I will.”

(13:23) Sam: *YOU LET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW*

(13:24) Sam: “Where will you go?” Zeldissa asked. “There’s no technology in this cave.”

(13:24) Sam: *YOU DON’T KNOW THAT*

(13:25) Sam: “…Whatever. Anyway, I’m not letting you out. What are you going to do about it?”

(13:25) Sam: *THIS* shrieked the pixie. And she proceeded to shock the hell out of our heroine’s hand.

(13:26) Sam: The tiny shock was quite amplified, as everything was damp. Zeldissa shouted in pain.

(13:26) Sam: *HAHAHAHA* the pixie laughed evilly. *NOW LET ME FREE*

(13:26) Sam: “Uh… no,” Zeldissa said. “Definitely not. And if you keep doing that, I’m going to drop this thing in the water. And it will short out. What will happen to you then?”

(13:26) Sam: Yuniss was silent for a few moments, thinking it over.

(13:27) Sam: *It probably wouldn’t end well for me* she finally conceded. *Fine. Let’s go in the creepy little house. I’m sure this will end JUST AS WELL*

(13:29) Sam: Zeldissa ignored the pixie (but had a harder time ignoring the throbbing in her hand) and walked up to the door of the little cottage.

(13:33) Sam: She raised her en-pain-ulated hand and knocked.

(13:34) Sam: KNOCK

(13:34) Sam: KNOCK

(13:34) Sam: KNOCK

(13:35) Sam: The sounds echoed through the spacious cavern. Zeldissa looked warily around her. What matter of beast had she just alerted to her presence?

(13:35) Sam: But before she could dwell much more upon that, the door of the cottage swung open.

(13:43) Sam: Standing there was a man. A tallish man. Dark hair, dark beard, skin nearly translucent from the years of living below ground, vaguely menacing glower on his face as he peered down at Zeldissa.

(13:57) Sam: “What do you want?” he growled.

(13:58) Sam: “Um…”

(13:58) Sam: (What DO you want?)

(13:58) Alissa: To explore the unknown

(14:04) Sam: “To explore the unknown… I guess” Zeldissa shrugged. “I mean, I really just like treasure. And adventure. It’s kind of my shtick.”

(14:32) Sam: “That’s a terrible answer,” the strange man said. “But I suppose you seem harmless enough. And if not….”

(14:33) Sam: At that, the man hefted a large axe onto his shoulder. The axe head was crusted with dried gore. Bits of it flaked off to fall onto the man’s shirt.

(14:34) Sam: Zeldissa hissed out a breath between her teeth. She wasn’t so sure about this anymore.

(14:35) Sam: “Come in or get out” the man said gruffly, moving further into the cottage. “Don’t want to let the snakes in.”

(14:36) Sam: “Uh… snakes?”

(14:36) Sam: The man looked at her blankly. “Yeah. The cave snakes. Are you blind?”

(14:36) Sam: Zeldissa glanced around. She didn’t SEE any snakes.

(14:36) Sam: “In or out” the man boomed.

(14:36) Sam: (Well? You in or out?)

(14:37) Alissa: In

(14:40) Sam: Zeldissa stepped inside and closed the door. The man sat down at a wooden table and gestured for her to do the same.

(14:41) Sam: She did so gingerly, perching delicately on the edge of the chair, ready to bolt at a moment’s notice.

(14:41) Sam: The inside of the cottage was, like the outside, very quaint.

(14:42) Sam: It seemed at odds with the man who now sat across the table from her, glaring.

(14:42) Sam: He was wearing dark clothing, immaculately kept (with the exception of the rusty flecks of blood off that axe of his).

(14:43) Sam: His dark eyes fixed the little adventurer to her seat.

(14:43) Sam: “Who are you and what are you doing in this cave?” he asked in a smooth rumble. The glare was dissolving, leaving an expression of curiosity in its wake.

(14:47) Sam: Zeldissa was getting a strange feeling about this place. Something was wrong, but she couldn’t place WHAT, exactly.

(14:47) Sam: (What do you tell him? The truth? An elaborate lie?)

(14:48) Alissa: Elaborate lie, and I mean ELABORATE

(14:51) Sam: “It all started three years ago,” Zeldissa said. “I bought a bag of marbles off a traveling salesman in, uh, the castle town.”

(14:53) Sam: “…You don’t know the name of the town?” The man’s eyebrow raised in a super judging manner.

(15:17) Sam: “I was young,” Zeldissa said with a dramatic twist of her hand. “I traveled the land, singing on street corners and playing the fife. I was known throughout the land. They said I had the voice of Farore and the passion of Din.”

(15:17) Sam: “I had no need to learn the names of the towns I was in, for I was never there long.”

(15:22) Sam: “And so after one show, this man comes up to me. Big smile. Great hair. Says he wants to buy me a drink. And me, I just got done with a gig. I’m parched. I take the man up on his offer. And I don’t know what I drank, but suddenly the world is saturated in jewel tones and the man and I are dancing in a park somewhere.”

(15:23) Sam: “And when we are done, he whispers in my ear. No, I am NOT going to tell you what he said, because I am a lady, sir. But he gave me this rich bag of purple velvet. Inside were 10 marbles, brilliantly colored, like tiny galaxies trapped in glass.”

(15:26) Sam: “Wait,” the bearded man held up a hand, stopping Zeldissa’s tale. “You said he SOLD you the marbles. Now you’re claiming he GAVE them to you.”

(15:27) Sam: “Would you let me finish my story?” our heroine said huffily. “When I woke up the next morning, I realized the man had stolen my purse. THAT’S why I said he sold them to me- in the end, I paid for the things.”

(15:27) Sam: “Right…” the man muttered.

(15:37) Sam: “But back to that night,” Zeldissa said. “As I gazed at the marbles, the man whispered to me. ‘Whenever you need to escape, throw one of these at the ground and say my name.’ And I stared deep into his eyes and said ‘You never told me your name’ and he just smiled and said ‘I know’. And then the world went dark.”

(15:38) Sam: “I woke up in my bed at the inn, the marbles in the lush purple bag lying beside my head. I looked at them. They seemed less beautiful than they had the night before, but they were still pretty enough. And deep down in my youthful heart, I believed in that man and his promise. Even if he’d totally stolen my money.”

(15:39) Sam: “And so, I carried the marbles with me. I did not know his name, but I was sure, if I was ever in need, it would come to me. On the wind. As if he himself were whispering in my ear.”

(15:42) Sam: “And one day, as I was traveling a treacherous mountain pass, a group of bandits jumped out of a small cave in front of me. The pathway behind me was too narrow to traverse quickly, and the bandits blocked the only way forward. I reached into the bag, drew out a marble, and held it aloft. I felt the mountain air stir my hair. I could feel his name forming on my lips. ‘Robert’ I said aloud, and threw the marble at the ground.”

(15:42) Sam: “…nothing happened.”

(15:42) Sam: “So, I picked up another one, feeling unsure. So, not Robert, then. No matter. I let the wind whisper to me once more before saying ‘Reginald’. And I threw the marble down.”

(15:44) Sam: “…again, nothing happened. Furious, I upended the whole bag of marbles, screaming ‘JOHN, MARCUS, TONY, BRANDON, CARL, JIM, ANTONIO, CYRIL, JAMIE’ into the air. Again, nothing happened. I was so upset I was about to cry… before I looked up and realized the bandits had apparently left during my fit.”

(15:45) Sam: “I had to know, you understand. I had to know if it was the marbles that saved me or the bandits just thought I was crazy. And so, I spent two years hunting for that man. I chased him across the country, earning just enough to keep going.”

(15:48) Sam: “I finally found him, holed up in a dusty little tavern. He was smiling and charming some barmaid when I walked in. He didn’t seem to recognize me, but I’d know him anywhere. I confronted him, accused him of scamming me, only for him to burst into laughter. ‘Of course I was scamming you, darling. You were so young, so ripe for the picking. You didn’t actually think those silly things worked, did you?'”

(15:49) Sam: “But I had. My youthful, romantical mind had believed him. And so I turned to leave, crushed that he had deceived me. At the door, I turned back. ‘Just one question before I leave,’ I said. ‘What is your name?’ He smiled at me before saying ‘Garfield, m’dear.’ GARFIELD? WHO NAMES THEIR CHILD THAT?! Confused, hurt, I left the tavern.”

(15:50) Sam: “I wandered around for a while, but I could no longer sing or play the fife with any fire. I threw my fife in the lake there and came into this cave, seeking solitude. I want to live my life away from the prying eyes of others. Away from their judgment and their pity and their deception. Surely you understand.”

(15:51) Sam: The man stared at her for a few moments. “That’s your story, huh?”

(15:51) Sam: “Yes, it is,” Zeldissa said, working hard not to squirm visibly under his stare.

(15:51) Sam: “Is it?”

(15:51) Sam: “Yes.”

(15:51) Sam: “IS it?”

(15:51) Sam: “YES.”

(15:51) Sam: “Is it really?”

(15:51) Sam: “YES IT IS.”

(15:52) Sam: “Well, you’re obviously lying,” the man said, his fingers straying to the handle of his axe. “The only question is, what am I going to do about it?”

(15:52) Sam: (It’s getting late. Save game? Y/N)

(15:52) Alissa: Yes!

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Tenth)

After a lengthy hiatus, we are back with the further adventures of Zeldissa.

Huzzah.

***

(14:43) Sam: Adventure time, come on grab your friends

(14:43) Sam: We’re going to very distant lands

(14:43) Sam: With Yuniss the pixie and Zeldissa the hero

(14:43) Sam: The fun will never end, adventure tiiimmmmeeeee

(14:43) Sam: (load last save? Y/N)

(14:43) Alissa: YESSSS

(14:44) Sam: (It’s been awhile, adventurer. Welcome back)

(14:50) Sam: (A quick recap of where we left off: Zeldissa had just defeated the mighty Wolfrog. She was sitting on a health bar that looked like this (0000000x) and still had some Wolfrog blood on her. She probably won’t take more than one segment of damage from it, but she has the option of washing it off with the really gross water (and potentially contracting a disease). She was in a room with a lower exit (which she came through… does that make it an entrance? what if she leaves through it too? which would it be then?), an upper exit, and something shiny glinting in the far corner)

(14:50) Sam: (what does our heroine want do to?)

(14:53) Sam: (apparently nothing)

(14:53) Alissa: SHINY

(14:57) Sam: Zeldissa promptly ignored the burning sensation on her back and slogged through the shallow, murky water toward the shiny thing in the distance.

(14:57) Sam: She felt like she’d been walking for ages, but it was really, like, 30 steps. But it was through mud and muck, which exhausted our already weakly and tired heroine.

(14:58) Sam: Zeldissa pulled out her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device and Yuniss cast a tiny pink glow into the darkness.

(14:58) Sam: The corner contained…

(14:58) Sam: …

(14:58) Sam: …

(14:58) Sam: A table

(14:58) Sam: A ratty old table.

(14:58) Sam: With three legs

(14:59) Sam: Falling apart

(14:59) Sam: Honestly, a stiff breeze would knock this thing over. Thank goodness it was in a breezeless cave (though Zeldissa wondered how the crashing about of her epic battle did not finish the poor piece of furniture off)

(15:00) Sam: But atop this battered, ancient table, there lay a panoply of gems and goodies

(15:00) Sam: Shiny necklaces

(15:00) Sam: Sprangly bracelets

(15:00) Sam: Shimmerating rings

(15:01) Sam: Stacks of gold

(15:02) Sam: Shammerangy gemstones

(15:02) Sam: Socks

(15:02) Sam: Lots of socks, actually

(15:02) Sam: A weird amount of socks

(15:02) Sam: And a small wooden box, dusty from age

(15:03) Sam: Zeldissa gazed upon the treasure. A single tear glinted in her eye.

(15:05) Sam: Yuniss gasped and the light flickered.

(15:06) Sam: “Hold that steady!” Zeldissa shrieked. There was so much treasure on that unsteady table. What would she do with that much treasure? Where we she put it all? How would she get it all home? What did she even come into this cave for, anyway?

(15:09) Sam: Zeldissa stepped closer to the table. Slowly. In AWE.

(15:10) Sam: Soon, she was right at its edge. Yuniss’ light glinted off the treasure, casting tiny pinkish light freckles across Zeldissa’s slack-jawed face.

(15:10) Sam: As she took a final step and reached for the treasure…

(15:10) Sam: She felt the ground give a little under her foot and heard a loud “click” of something triggering.

(15:11) Sam: Zeldissa was a hardened adventure. Tough as nails. If the nails were made of sunshine and marshmallow.

(15:11) Sam: She grabbed the first thing she could off the table and rolled to the side just as the table, treasure, and floor dropped down into nothingness.

(15:12) Sam: Murky water poured down into the newly formed abyss. Zeldissa crept the few inches back to the edge and looked down.

(15:13) Sam: The rickety table had been impaled on a series of hideously long, rusty spikes protruding from the bottom of the pit. The water continued to drain down, treasures glinting from below the grisly scene of the table’s demise.

(15:13) Sam: *Too close* muttered Yuniss. *We need to get out of here. This place is trying ot kill us*

(15:14) Sam: “Agreed,” Zeldissa said. She walked back across the room.

(15:14) Sam: She needed to select an exit. The lower one (which she entered from) or the upper one?

(15:14) Sam: (Well? Choose)

(15:20) Alissa: Upper

(15:21) Sam: Zeldissa had already been through the lower exit (and did not want to deal with all the philosophical musings welling in the narrator about the state of the entrance/exit), so she waltzed through the upper.

(15:23) Sam: There were three paths: Left, forward, and right.

(15:23) Sam: (Which path will yon heroine choose?)

(15:24) Alissa: Right

(15:24) Sam: Zeldissa walked along the right hand path, fumbling the treasure she snatched off the table into her bag (she would look at it later).

(15:25) Sam: She soon reached another junction… only it wasn’t a junction. Just a left turn.

(15:25) Sam: And so, she continued on to the left

(15:25) Sam: And soon, she reached another junction. A real one this time.

(15:25) Sam: (Path choices are Left, Forward, Right)

(15:26) Sam: (Please choose)

(15:26) Alissa: Right

(15:30) Sam: Zeldissa went right. Right to a t-junction.

(15:30) Sam: (Left or right?)

(15:30) Alissa: Left

(15:30) Sam: Confident, feeling alive and free and like she just survived monsters and traps (because she did), Zeldissa walked down the left hand path.

(15:31) Sam: Which led to a dead end.

(15:32) Sam: As she turned to leave, she felt the ground give a little under her foot again.

(15:32) Sam: There was another *click*, softer this time.

(15:33) Sam: “Oh, motherfu-” Zeldissa started, but she stopped mid word in order to start sprinting down the hallway.

(15:33) Sam: Because the walls were grinding inward

(15:33) Sam: At a rather alarming rate

(15:36) Sam: (We shall consult the 8-ball to determine our heroine’s fate)

(15:44) Sam: Zeldissa reached into her bag as she ran and withdrew her remaining sissy health potion.

(15:45) Sam: She lobbed it through the air. It landed on the ground in front of her. Zeldissa dove into an amazing slide. She whooshed down the corridor at phenomenal speed. On her way past the t-junction, she stuck out a hand. She snagged the wall as she past and threw herself back into the other corridor just as the whole thing sealed up behind her.

(15:48) Sam: She stood up and dusted herself off.

(15:50) Sam: (Save game? Y/N)

(15:55) Sam: (I will just assume yes)

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Ninth)

A short section today, as I spent much of the time flitting about trying to resolve login issues. Because people didn’t save their goddamn login information even though they knew we’d be back on this project eventually.

Whatever. Here’s the small bit of adventuring I managed to churn out.

***

(09:28) Sam: *doo dee doo doo doo dee doo*

(09:28) Sam: (load last save? Y/N)

(09:29) Alissa: YES

(09:29) Sam: Zeldissa turned to face the noise coming from the far corner. She could see Yuniss’s feeble light reflecting off two large, shiny somethings that she assumed to be eyes.

(09:30) Sam: And then 4 more blinked open. And the creature moved into the light.

(09:31) Sam: It was a hulking creature, half frog, half… something else. Something almost lupine. A frogwolf. Wolfrog. Yeah, a wolfrog.

(09:32) Sam: *Oh no* Yuniss whispered. *That’s a rare Kolecktor Wolfrog. It is the biggest and the meanest of all wolfrogs. And it can smell debt.*

(09:32) Sam: “Errr…”

(09:32) Sam: *Oh my god, you are in debt?!*

(09:32) Sam: “Listen, it’s just some unpaid stabling tickets. From… a while ago.”

(09:32) Sam: *Unpaid WHAT?! You don’t even have a horse!*

(09:33) Sam: “Well, I used to have one,” Zeldissa muttered. “It got rustled by the guards after I got too many tickets. I miss Sprinkles.”

(09:33) Sam: *Awww, that’s a cute name*

(09:33) Sam: “I know, right?!” Zeldissa said. “Nobody else gets that.”

(09:34) Sam: *Well, how long ago was this?* Yuniss said. *The older the debt, the easier it is for the Kolecktor Wolfrog to smell you.* Yuniss hurriedly extinguished her light, but Zeldissa hissed at her.

(09:34) Sam: “Don’t leave us in the dark!”

(09:35) Sam: *Kolecktor Wolfrogs rely on their sense of smell* Yuniss said. *Maybe we’ll be able to slip away. When were those tickets?*

(09:35) Sam: “A few, uh… YEARS ago” Zeldissa muttered. Yuniss sputtered.

(09:35) Sam: *Years? YEARS?! Great, we’re doomed*

(09:36) Sam: Indeed, the Kolecktor Wolfrog sniffed the air almost delicately, drool slipping from its fangs to land with a plop in the water near its hideous webbed feet.

(09:37) Sam: It turned its monstrous head toward our heroine, all six eyes narrowing.

(09:37) Sam: It had her scent.

(09:37) Sam: Zeldissa knew she would need to have her wits about her for this battle. She couldn’t defeat the thing head on- she’d need to be cunning.

(09:38) Sam: And she wasn’t the most cunning of heroines. So she was pretty sure she was going to die.

(09:39) Sam: (All items currently available to Zeldissa:

-scissors

-tape

-stapler

-1 really shiny gem

-a lizard

-twine)

(09:39) Sam: (oh, and 2 sissy health potions that you have yet to use)

(09:40) Sam: Zeldissa knew her +1barely-there-shoes of speed would help her avoid the lumbering creature, but for how long? She needed a plan

(09:41) Sam: She looked around the cave. From the small light generated by Yuniss, she could see that the wall was very uneven, with spurs of rock all around that could almost function as hooks.

(09:41) Sam: This continued on up to the ceiling

(09:42) Sam: There was still something shiny in the corner, but there was no guarantee that was useful and did she really want to get trapped in a corner with that beast heading her way?

(09:42) Sam: There were also the two exits, one in the lower portion of the room and one in the upper.

(09:42) Sam: (So… you have a plan?)

(09:45) Alissa: Hmm.. can I… use the hook-like rock formations to climb up and jump on the Wolfrog and (attempt to) scissor it in the brain?

(09:46) Sam: Zeldissa considered scaling the walls most epically to get above the Wolfrog, but the creature was getting closer and she wasn’t sure she’d have time to heave herself all the way up the wall.

(09:46) Sam: If only there was a way to slow the creature down.

(09:47) Sam: Or speed up her climb…

(09:47) Alissa: Use the twine to speed up the climb! Or lasso the thing’s feet together

(09:47) Sam: (which do you want to do?)

(09:48) Alissa: Lasso the feet together, it would probably still be quicker than me even if I used the twine to climb

(09:53) Sam: Zeldissa REALLY wanted to lasso something. Even though she’d never really done it before and probably would fail at it.

(09:53) Sam: But what then she realized that, in order to lasso the creature’s feet, she’d need to get it to lift one up.

(09:54) Sam: (wow, I don’t know what happened with my grammar at the beginning of that sentence- let’s just ignore that)

(09:54) Sam: The lassoing idea just might work… if she can get that creature to lift its foot.

(09:54) Sam: (got any ideas?)

(09:55) Alissa: Jump around and yell, maybe it will come towards me more and when its walking I can lasso the feetsies

(09:56) Sam: Zeldissa was brave. She was bold. She was a little foolhardy.

(09:56) Sam: She decided she was going to attract the thing’s attention, and while it moved, she’d lasso a foot.

(09:56) Sam: And so, she started screeching and hopping about, flailing her arms.

(09:57) Sam: The Wolfrog picked up its pace, from a slow shuffle to a… slightly faster shuffle. It did NOT lift its feet up when it walked.

(09:57) Sam: But it DID spit a giant gob of acid at our heroine, which she dodged… mostly.

(09:58) Sam: Some of it landed on her leg. AND OH SWEET OPHIS DID THAT BURN.

(09:59) Sam: (00000000) was Zeldissa’s arbitrarily-changing-from-the-last-time-we-saw-it health meter a few minutes ago.

(10:00) Sam: This is what it looks like now: (000000xx)

(10:00) Sam: The x’s are bad

(10:03) Sam: Well, now the creature is closer and it still hadn’t lifted its feet.

(10:10) Sam: Zeldissa had scramble/dodged most of its first attack, but she took damage. She REALLY didn’t want to get hit with the acid again.

(10:10) Sam: (so… any ideas?)

(10:11) Alissa: I guess I’ll just use the twine to climb without lasso-ing -___-

(10:11) Sam: Zeldissa tied the worst knot ever in her twine (because she doesn’t know anything about knots- we already established that). And fortified it with some tape, for good measure.

(10:12) Sam: While she was doing this, the creature swiped a slimy, clawed arm at her.

(10:12) Sam: She actually managed to backflip out of the way (ooo, skills), but the claws still caught her across the back.

(10:13) Sam: Her health meter was looking a bit sad (0000xxxx)

(10:13) Sam: And worse, she felt some of the slime from the creature’s claws still on her back. And it STUNG. Like…

(10:13) Sam: “Poison” Zeldissa whispered, horrified

(10:18) Sam: She wasn’t actually sure it was poison, but her mind jumped to the worst scenario.

(10:26) Sam: (brief pause for real work)

(10:56) Alissa: (and lunch   )

(11:45) Alissa: (and now more work)

(13:03) Sam: I guess you have lost interest in the story

(13:05) Sam: The game has been abandoned

(13:05) Sam: To rot in an attic somewhere

(13:05) Sam: Or a crawlspace

(13:05) Sam: Getting all dusty

(13:05) Sam: Unused

(13:05) Sam: Until it’s sold at a yard sale for $1 to some young thing who will LOVE IT AGAIN

(13:37) Alissa: Also, lol, I still love the sotry Sam, I would buy it for a million dollars

(14:24) Sam: Okay, well, I do not think it is worth a million dollars

(14:24) Alissa: well I would

(14:24) Sam: Then I really wish you had a million dollars lying around, because I could totally use it.

(14:34) Sam: (resuming)

(14:36) Sam: Zeldissa thought about scaling the wall using her fancy lasso, but she decided she was going to be EVEN BOLDER.

(14:38) Sam: She hurled the loop of the lasso around a scraggly hook-like rock formation above the creature’s head.

(14:38) Sam: It caught.

(14:38) Sam: And with a mighty (well, kinda girly) shriek, Zeldissa grabbed the twine and swung toward the creature.

(14:38) Sam: (time to do a dex check)

(14:39) Sam: (ROOOOOLLLLLING)

(14:39) Sam: (HO-LY COW)

(14:39) Sam: (that’s an 18)

(14:40) Sam: (and your +1 barely-there-shoes of speed will actually confer a bonus to this roll)

(14:40) Sam: (that’s a 19)

(14:40) Sam: Zeldissa swung through the air in a graceful arc, like a kamikaze swan.

(14:41) Sam: She hurled her legs out and slammed her feet into one of the creature’s eyes.

(14:41) Sam: It howl/croaked in pain and rage.

(14:42) Sam: She dug her heel into the thing’s squishy eyeball, then started running up the creature’s face, stomping on another eye for good measure.

(14:42) Sam: With a tiger-like leap of agility and power, she hurled herself atop the creature’s head and grabbed one of the tufts of hair growing in patches on its body.

(14:43) Sam: Zeldissa released the rope, pulled out her scissors, and began stabbing the beast about the head and eyes.

(14:44) Sam: Hissing, acidic (NOT POISON, heroine) blood spewed forth in Tarantino-esque fountains. A great deal of blood and ocular fluid seeped down the Wolfrog’s face.

(14:44) Sam: Zeldissa was incredibly grossed out.

(14:45) Sam: After about eleventy-billion thrusts of those tiny blades, the creature gave a great shudder and began to fall to the pool below.

(14:46) Sam: Zeldissa vaulted off its head, doing a few completely improbable turns and flips in the air, and caught the twine. She clung to her rope as the Wolfrog smashed into the disgusting pool with a great crash (and a tiny splash, because there really wasn’t THAT much water in there).

(14:46) Sam: Zeldissa’s arms trembled as she continued to grip the twine. The acidic blood on her back burned slightly. If she didn’t wash it off soon, it would start to damage her health.

(14:47) Sam: She waited a few minutes, but the monstrous beast didn’t move. Slowly, she lowered herself down to the water.

(14:49) Sam: (wash blood off in super gross water?)

(14:49) Alissa: lol I guess so

(14:49) Sam: (ewwww)

(14:49) Alissa: wait

(14:49) Sam: Zeldissa did NOT want to put that gross water into any open wounds, but she was worried about what would happen to her if she didn’t get that blood off of her.

(14:50) Alissa: can I use a health potion to stop the burning instead? lol I don’t want to die from gross water

(14:51) Sam: She decided to just down a health potion. Maybe the magic of the health potion would help combat the acidic blood.

(14:51) Sam: And so, she drank a sissy health potion. It tasted like strawberry cough syrup and battery acid.

(14:51) Sam: But, while she was gagging on the taste, she could feel it doing a little bit of repair work on her battered body.

(14:52) Sam: Her health meter climbed a bit (0000000x)

(14:52) Alissa: (wow that was sissy)

(15:23) Sam: A bit, yes.

(15:23) Sam: And it didn’t get rid of the blood…

(15:23) Alissa: -____-

(15:24) Sam: But the blood appears to be losing some of its acidity as it sits. Zeldissa thinks she probably won’t take more than one segment of damage total.

(15:24) Sam: If she were to leave it on.

(15:30) Sam: (I’m sorry- I’m just not feeling it right now)

(15:30) Sam: (Let’s just auto save and pick this back up tomorrow- I’ll try to be more focused then)

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Eighth)

And now, for more epic questing (now with 90% more cliffhanger action).

***

(14:26) Sam: *doodly doo doo dun doo*

(14:27) Sam: (resume game? Y/N)

(14:27) Alissa: Yes!!

(14:27) Sam: (cool beans)

(14:27) Sam: Zeldissa walked away from the woman’s home, loot bag firmly in hand.

(14:27) Sam: She figured it would be best to go home to go through the bag of random items.

(14:27) Sam: (fast travel to Ekovah? Y/N)

(14:29) Alissa: Yes!

(14:29) Sam: (whizz. bang. pop)

(14:31) Sam: Zeldissa arrived back in Ekovah and rushed home, because frankly, she didn’t want to be stopped by another passerby needing heroic assistance for some trivial task.

(14:35) Sam: She shut her door and ran to the table, where she dumped the entire loot bag on the surface.

(14:36) Sam: A pile of really random objects fell out.

(14:37) Sam: Three highlighters (pink, yellow, blue), a ball of twine, some buttons, a very confused lizard, a magic 8 Ball, two broken pencils, and a very shiny gem.

(14:37) Sam: SO SHINY

(14:37) Sam: Zeldissa decided she probably wouldn’t need to take ALL of these items with her.

(14:37) Sam: Maybe.

(14:37) Sam: (please select which items you would like to add to your pack)

(14:37) Sam: (you have 4 inventory slots available at this time)

(14:37) Sam: (like items count as one slot)

(14:38) Alissa: the gem, the lizard… so tough..

(14:38) Alissa: the twine

(14:38) Alissa: the highlighters

(14:46) Sam: Zeldissa put the items in her bag (and shoved the rest in a drawer), then slung the thing over her shoulder and walked back outside.

(14:46) Sam: Sierra called to her from the area where she was coloring.

(14:46) Sam: “Zeldissa!” she cried. “Did you ever find that chalk?”

(14:46) Sam: (did you?)

(14:47) Alissa: No… I have a pink highlighter..

(14:48) Sam: “Oooo, that’ll work,” she cried. “Dez messed up my pony anyway. But I found some paper lying around at home, so highlighters would be great!”

(14:48) Sam: (give Sierra highlighters?)

(14:48) Alissa: Yes!

(14:48) Sam: (all of them or just the pink one?)

(14:48) Alissa: Hm.. the pink and yellow, I want the blue (:<

(14:49) Sam: (selfish heroine is selfish)

(14:52) Sam: Zeldissa told the girl “Not only do I have a pink highlighter, but I also have this yellow one for you.”

(14:52) Sam: “I’ll take it!” Sierra said, snatching the highlighters out of Zeldissa’s hand. “Thanks, hero lady!”

(14:52) Sam: “…That’s it?” Zeldissa muttered. “Thought I’d get some kind of reward.”

(14:53) Sam: *Isn’t being nice its own reward?* Yuniss asked sweetly.

(14:53) Sam: “NO”

(14:53) Sam: Zeldissa glared at the coloring child, then stomped away. “Besides, what would YOU know about being nice?”

(14:53) Sam: *I’m nicer than you!* Yuniss said. *Just ask the narrator!*

(14:54) Sam: (that narrator absolutely does not want to be involved in this- please do not drag her into it)

(14:55) Sam: Zeldissa contemplated dragging the narrator into it anyway.

(14:55) Sam: (oh god- are you really going to do that?)

(14:56) Alissa: (is this an actual question)

(14:56) Alissa: Because if so, yes, lol, I’m curious as to what the narrator will say

(14:59) Sam: (the narrator thinks you are both equally terrible)

(14:59) Sam: (there)

(14:59) Sam: (are you happy now?)

(14:59) Alissa: Yes fine

(15:03) Sam: (great. glad we got that out of the way)

(15:03) Sam: And so, no reward in hand, Zeldissa moved away from the girl.

(15:03) Sam: But to where?

(15:04) Sam: (where do you want to go?)

(15:04) Sam: (do you need to see your quest log again?)

(15:04) Alissa: Yes please

(15:04) Sam: (i hate you)

(15:04) Alissa: 🙂

(15:05) Sam: (Quest Log:

-find 3 Viko Root samples for Romeo

-obtain Only Slightly Grungy earpieces from Therdpahrty

-obtain Holy Pigtail from the lair of Sssssam

-save New Ophis from Cervar)

(15:06) Alissa: I guess I’ll do the other one for my peeps before I start the bigger stuff, I’ll do the Viko Root

(15:06) Sam: (New Ophis is doomed)

(15:06) Sam: Zeldissa decided that she would help Romeo and Mrs. Blessing by finding the Viko Root in the Natgrid Forest.

(15:07) Sam: And while wandering aimlessly around the forest, hoping she’d stumble upon something she’d NEVER SEEN BEFORE but that would probably be lit by magical sparks to denote it was a quest item seemed like a really tempting idea, she figured it might be wise to go ask Potter if he knew where any Viko Root was.

(15:07) Sam: After all, he knew EVERYTHING about the Natgrid Forest.

(15:08) Sam: (fast travel to Potter’s house? Y/N)

(15:08) Alissa: Yes!

(15:09) Sam: (kachow. fwish. glitter)

(15:10) Sam: Zeldissa stood before the home of Potter. The wise man sat in a chair on his front porch, smoking. The small red bird from before perched on a railing nearby. Also smoking. And twittering loudly.

(15:10) Sam: It was quite a feat, really.

(15:11) Sam: Potter looked up as Zeldissa approached.

(15:11) Sam: “I remember you,” he murmured. “The adventurer who helped my knights. What brings you back to the Natgrid?”

(15:12) Sam: “I was wondering if you knew where any Viko Root grew,” Zeldissa said. “I need some for an injured villager and a shopkeeper said you might-”

(15:12) Sam: “Oh yes, I know where some grows,” Potter said.

(15:12) Sam: And then he just kept smoking, while the bird chittered away. He chuckled a few times.

(15:13) Sam: “Uh… where?” Zeldissa prodded. Potter looked up.

(15:13) Sam: “You’re still here?”

(15:13) Sam: “Yes!” Zeldissa snapped. “You never told me where the Viko Root was.”

(15:13) Sam: Potter shrugged. “Aami, she asked if I knew where Viko Root grew, right?” The bird chirped once in what Zeldissa assumed was the affirmative.

(15:14) Sam: “And you didn’t tell me,” Zeldissa said.

(15:14) Sam: “No, I confirmed that I knew where some grew,” Potter said. “You didn’t ask me to tell you the location.”

(15:14) Sam: “…Seriously?”

(15:14) Sam: Aami let out a trilling little sound that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. Potter chuckled.

(15:15) Sam: “Just tell me where the Viko Root grows,” Zeldissa said. Potter glared at her sharply and she cowered a bit. “Uh… please.”

(15:16) Sam: “In my garden,” Potter said with a shrug.

(15:16) Sam: “What?”

(15:16) Sam: “My garden,” Potter said, gesturing to a row of neatly tended plants beside the house. “It’s the orange one. Help yourself.”

(15:16) Sam: “That’s… that’s it?” Zeldissa asked. “Really? It’s that easy?”

(15:17) Sam: “I’m here to help,” Potter chastised. “Just go ahead and take what you need.”

(15:20) Sam: “Uh… thanks,” Zeldissa said. She walked over to the garden, plucked three orange plants out by the root, and awkwardly waved at Potter and Aami as she pulled out her traveling stone.

(15:20) Sam: (fast travel to Ekovah? Y/N)

(15:21) Alissa: Yes!

(15:21) Sam: (sprangle. fwoosh. blip)

(15:23) Sam: Zeldissa arrived back in Ekovah, deposited the Viko Root with Romeo, and received +1 barely-there-shoes of speed.

(15:23) Sam: (the narrator is tired of the side quests and needs to move this thing along)

(15:23) Sam: (deal with it)

(15:24) Sam: *So…* Yuniss said. *Therdpahrty or the lair of Sssssam?*

(15:24) Sam: (where to, brave adventurer?)

Requested users attention [Author’s note: There’s an option on our chat program to request the other person’s attention. When you press it, the other person’s chat screen shakes violently for a few seconds. It’s REALLY FUNNY to scare people with]

(15:25) Alissa: Therdpahrty! I want to make sure theres time for the lair

(15:25) Sam: (PAY ATTENTION TO THE NARRATOR)

(15:25) Sam: (SHE FEELS UNLOVED)

(15:26) Alissa: (I AM, lol SORRY)\

(15:26) Sam: (that’s better)

(15:26) Sam: Zeldissa focused on her traveling stone…

(15:26) Sam: (shwinkle. sproing. jazz hands)

(15:28) Sam: Zeldissa stood on the shore of Kolecksion Lake. She realized, standing there, staring at the sharks swimming lazily below the surface, that she really had NO idea where to go.

(15:29) Sam: She wandered over to Treesh’s tree, but Treesh didn’t appear to be there.

(15:29) Sam: Lobi was a short walk away, but she felt, down in her adventuring gut, that Lobi was the wrong direction. And nobody would be able to help her, anyway.

(15:29) Sam: And so, she turned and started walking around the edge of the lake.

(15:31) Sam: The lake was larger than she first thought.

(15:32) Sam: While meandering about the watery expanse, she heard a tiny *YOLO* from her pocket.

(15:32) Sam: She pulled out her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device.

(15:32) Sam: “What, Yuniss?”

(15:33) Sam: *Because you keep ignoring me* the pixie said *I got bored and attuned myself to the energy of the Gently Used Headset.*

(15:33) Sam: “Okay…”

(15:33) Sam: *Which means that I can now sense where the remaining two pieces are* Yuniss said. Slowly. Really spelling it out for our heroine.

(15:34) Sam: “That… may be the most useful thing you’ve done this whole adventure” Zeldissa said.

(15:34) Sam: *Hey, I’m useful!* Yuniss squeaked. *Who gave you light? Who helped you cheat at cards?*

(15:35) Sam: “Okay, okay, you’re useful,” Zeldissa admitted. “But this is, like, REALLY useful. So, if you can sense where the other pieces of the Gently Used Headset are… where are the Only Slightly Grungy foam ear pieces?”

(15:36) Sam: *I…* Yuniss frowned a tiny, pixely frown. *There’s something interfering with the signal. It’s up ahead.*

(15:37) Sam: Zeldissa continued down the path. On her left, she noticed a cave entrance come into view.

(15:37) Sam: *There!* Yuniss shouted, pointing toward the cave. *The interference is coming from that way- I think the foam ear pieces might be in that cave.*

(15:38) Sam: “In THAT cave?” Zeldissa asked. The cave was dark and rather… damp looking. “Do I really have to go in there?”

(15:38) Sam: *YES*

(15:38) Sam: (are you really going to go into the moist, dark cave?)

(15:38) Alissa: Yes..

(15:38) Sam: (yes, the narrator recognizes the horrible euphemism there)

(15:38) Sam: (it was intentional)

(15:38) Sam: (you’re welcome)

(15:39) Sam: “Great…” Zeldissa muttered, walking into the cave. It soon got very dark. And there was a lot of water dripping off the stalactites onto her head. She did not like this cave already.

(15:40) Sam: “Yuniss, a little help, please?”

(15:40) Sam: *I already told you, this cave is interfering with the signal, I can’t get a read on the ear pieces*

(15:40) Sam: “I meant a light, Yuniss”

(15:40) Sam: *Oh…* the pixie sighed *FINE*

(15:40) Sam: And a pink light shone forth from the communication device.

(15:41) Sam: Zeldissa continued forward… only to reach a fork. The cave split, with one passage going to the left and the other one going to the right.

(15:41) Sam: “Is this… is this place a MAZE?!”

(15:42) Sam: *Uh… maybe* Yuniss said.

(15:42) Sam: “I could be stuck here for DAYS. I didn’t bring enough supplies. We have to go back”

(15:42) Sam: *Wait, no, I think I can help* Yuniss said. *Take out your traveling stone*

(15:43) Sam: Zeldissa did, and the pink light was directed at the stone. It shone a brilliant purple for a moment.

(15:43) Sam: *There* Yuniss said proudly *I upgraded it. Because I’m awesome*

(15:43) Sam: “…You couldn’t do that before?”

(15:44) Sam: *Eh, I didn’t feel like it* Yuniss said. *ANYWAY, now you can set a warp portal here. That way, if we reach a dead end, we can always just warp back to the beginning instead of retracing our steps and probably getting lost and dying because you are so bad at adventuring*

(15:44) Sam: “Thanks” Zeldissa said. “…I think”

(15:44) Sam: (set warp portal at cave entrance? Y/N)

(15:44) Alissa: Yes!

(15:45) Sam: Zeldissa set a warp portal at the cave entrance. “Okay, let’s do this”

(15:45) Sam: (left or right?)

(15:45) Alissa: Right

(15:45) Sam: Zeldissa confidently strode down the right-hand corridor.

(15:45) Sam: It continued in much the same way for a while, before she found another junction.

(15:45) Sam: (left, right, or forward?)

(15:46) Alissa: Forward

(15:46) Sam: Once again, Zeldissa boldly selected a direction and continued forward.

(15:46) Sam: She soon reached a corner, but her only option was to turn left.

(15:46) Sam: So she did.

(15:47) Sam: Which led her to another junction.

(15:47) Sam: (forward or right?)

(15:47) Alissa: Right

(15:47) Sam: Zeldissa turned sharply and went down the right-hand corridor.

(15:48) Sam: It led into a fairly large cavern. A fetid pool about 4 inches deep filled the space. In the far corner, Zeldissa could see something shiny. There were only two exits from the room- the lower one, where she entered, and an upper one.

(15:49) Sam: (go back through lower exit? go through upper exit? investigate shiny thing?)

(15:50) Alissa: Investigate shiny!

(15:50) Sam: Zeldissa decided she really liked treasure. And that shiny thing was probably treasure. And she WANTED IT.

(15:51) Sam: So, she stepped into the gross pool. Ripples spread from her feet as she crept forward, pushing into the dark corners of the cavern.

(15:51) Sam: About twenty steps in, she heard a noise from one of those corners.

(15:51) Sam: A loud, growling, croaking sound.

(15:51) Sam: And the splashing of water.

(15:51) Sam: SOMETHING was coming for her from out of the dark

(15:52) Sam: (well, it’s late. save game? Y/N)

(15:52) Alissa: Yes

(15:52) Alissa: UGH though

(15:52) Sam: Bwahaha

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Seventh)

Galleons, are you ready for THE LONGEST MINI GAME OF ALL TIME?!

For the record, mini games like this always drive me crazy in games, so I had to make this long and frustrating, to (in my opinion) accurately portray them in this story.

Also, I invented a goddamn card game for you people. BE GRATEFUL.

***

(09:40) Sam: *doo dee doodly dooooo*

(09:41) Alissa: YAY

(09:41) Sam: (load last save? Y/N)

(09:41) Alissa: Yes!

(09:43) Sam: Terr dealt six cards to both himself and Zeldissa, then placed the remainder of the deck in the center of the table.

(09:43) Sam: (Your hand: 3 peasants, 2 courtiers, 1 Lord)

(09:43) Sam: Terr gestured toward Zeldissa. “Your move.”

(09:43) Sam: “Uh… how do you play this game?” she asked. She had never seen its like before.

(09:44) Sam: “The goal is simple,” Terr said. “You need to gather the royal court together in one hand. “King, Queen, Lord, Lady, Knight, and Wizard. Whoever gathers the court first wins.”

(09:44) Sam: “That’s it?”

(09:45) Sam: “Ah, but there is only one King and one Queen in the deck,” Terr said. “And the deck is mostly comprised of peasants and courtiers, who will do nothing for you.”

(09:45) Sam: “Great…”

(09:46) Sam: “On your turn, you may discard up to three cards and draw back up to your hand of 6. OR you may trade one of your cards for one of your opponents’.”

(09:46) Sam: “Okay, I think I get it” Zeldissa said.

(09:48) Sam: “There are also two Fools in the deck,” Terr said. “Fools can go anywhere, as nobody pays them much heed. As a result, you can discard a Fool, which lets you look through the top five cards in the draw pile. You can then select whichever card you want to complete your hand of six.”

(09:49) Sam: (do you understand the game? Y/N)

(09:50) Alissa: Yes

(09:50) Sam: “I think I’m all set,” Zeldissa said. Terr grinned.

(09:50) Sam: “Then let us begin. It’s your turn.”

(09:50) Sam: (Discard and draw or trade a card with opponent?)

(09:52) Alissa: Discard

(09:53) Sam: (discard how many cards? 1? 2? 3?)

(09:54) Alissa: 3 (2 peasants and a courtier if I can choose)

(09:55) Sam: (of course you can choose)

(09:55) Sam: Zeldissa discard two peasants and a courtier and drew three new cards.

(09:56) Sam: (Your hand: 2 peasants, 2 courtiers, 1 Lord, 1 Knight)

(09:56) Sam: Terr smiled at her across the table. “You’re smiling. You got something good. I think I should try to take it from you.”

(09:57) Sam: Terr reached across the table and deftly plucked a card out of Zeldissa’s hand, then slid one of his own across the table to take its place.

(09:57) Sam: (Your hand: 1 peasant, 3 courtiers, 1 Lord, 1 Knight)

(09:58) Sam: “Better luck next time,” Zeldissa said sweetly.

(09:58) Sam: (your turn: discard/draw or trade card with opponent?)

(09:58) Alissa: discard the 3 courtiers

(09:59) Sam: “I don’t think you have anything I need,” Zeldissa said, discarding three courtiers and drawing three more cards from the draw pile.

(10:00) Sam: (Your hand: 2 peasants, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 2 Knights)

(10:00) Sam: “Oh, now we both know that’s not true,” Terr said, discarding two cards and drawing new ones. “Otherwise, we wouldn’t be engaged in this delightful competition.”

(10:01) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/draw or trade card with opponent?)

(10:01) Alissa: trade a peasant

(10:01) Sam: (select card position from Terr’s hand: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6?)

(10:02) Alissa: 3

(10:02) Sam: Zeldissa plucked the third card from Terr’s hand, then slid a courtier across the table to him.

(10:02) Alissa: (peasant)

(10:03) Sam: (I was about to correct that, pedantic player)

(10:03) Sam: (PEASANT, not courtier)

(10:04) Sam: (Your hand: 1 peasant, 1 courtier, 1 Lady, 2 Lords, 1 Knight)

(10:04) Sam: (I mean 1 peasant, 1 courtier, 1 Lady, 1 Lord, 2 Knights)

(10:04) Sam: (The narrator really sucks at keeping track of the cards)

(10:05) Sam: Terr smirked. “Not much of a trade, was it?”

(10:06) Sam: With that smirk firmly in place, Terr held up one of the cards in his hand and flipped it to show Zeldissa. A Fool.

(10:06) Sam: He discarded it, set his hand down, then took the top five cards on the discard pile and looked at them.

(10:07) Sam: “Oh, would you look at that,” he said, still smiling. He selected one and put the remaining four back in the draw pile (and yes, I meant the draw pile before, it’s really hard to write out a damn card game).

(10:10) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/draw or trade card with opponent?)

(10:10) Alissa: trade a peasant

(10:11) Sam: (Select card position 1-6)

(10:11) Alissa: 6

(10:11) Sam: (You suck at this)

(10:12) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 2 Knights, 2 courtiers)

(10:14) Sam: Terr tutted at her. “You’ll need to up your game if you want to beat me.”

(10:14) Sam: He discards 3 cards and draws three new ones from the draw pile.

(10:15) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/draw or trade?)

(10:16) Alissa: Trade a courtier with card#2

(10:17) Sam: Zeldissa snatched card #2 from Terr and slid a courtier across the table to him. She saw the faintest furrowing of his brow.

(10:17) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(10:18) Sam: “You seem pretty confident,” Terr said. “Perhaps a little too confident.”

(10:18) Sam: He plucked a card from Zeldissa’s hand and slid another across the table to her.

(10:19) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 2 courtiers)

(10:20) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(10:20) Alissa: discard 2 courtiers

(10:21) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Lord, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 1 peasant)

(10:22) Sam: Terr stared hard at Zeldissa, but she made sure nothing showed on her face. She would not let him know she’d drawn such an important card.

(10:23) Sam: Terr could read nothing on our heroine’s puh-puh-puh-poker face. Slowly, he discarded 3 cards and drew to replace them.

(10:24) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/draw or trade?)

(10:25) Alissa: trade the peasant with card #4

(10:25) Sam: (oh damn)

(10:25) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard)

(10:26) Sam: Zeldissa was SO CLOSE to victory. She could taste it. It tasted like lemonade and sunshine and JOY.

(10:27) Sam: Terr scowled. “I don’t think so, little lady.”

(10:27) Sam: He plucked a card from her hand and slid another across the table to her.

(10:28) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Queen, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(10:28) Sam: Zeldissa was disappointed, but at least he hadn’t selected a king or queen.

(10:28) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/draw or trade?)

(10:28) Alissa: discard the courtier

(10:29) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Queen, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 1 Fool)

(10:29) Sam: (We must now take a brief hiatus)

(10:29) Sam: (As it is my lunch time)

(14:22) Sam: (resuming)

(14:23) Sam: Terr sat there for a few moments, glancing back and forth between his hand and Zeldissa’s face. He was waiting for her to crack.

(14:23) Sam: But she didn’t. Girl kept her cool.

(14:27) Sam: Terr growled under his breath and discarded three cards.

(14:29) Sam: (Your turn: Draw/Discard, Trade, Use Fool?)

(14:30) Alissa: Use fool

(14:30) Sam: Zeldissa smiled, pulled the Fool from her hand, and turned it to face Terr.

(14:30) Sam: He seemed upset

(14:30) Sam: Still smiling, Zeldissa drew the top five cards from the draw deck.

(14:31) Sam: (courtier, Lord, courtier, peasant, courtier)

(14:31) Sam: (I wonder which one you’ll pick?)

(14:31) Sam: (those courtiers looks awfully tempting)

(14:31) Alissa: Lord, lol

(14:31) Sam: (*look)

(14:32) Sam: Zeldissa put one card in her hand, then replaced the other four on the draw pile

(14:32) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard)

(14:33) Sam: “You were awfully quick in your selection there,” Terr said. “I don’t know if anything in the draw pile is really worth my time.”

(14:33) Sam: Terr reached across the table and selected a card from Zeldissa’s hand, then slid a new one over to her.

(14:34) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Lord, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(14:34) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(14:34) Alissa: trade the courtier

(14:34) Alissa: for…

(14:34) Alissa: #5

(14:34) Sam: (select card 1-6)

(14:35) Sam: (oh, look at you go, anticipating the narrator’s lines)

(14:35) Sam: Zeldissa, in turn, plucked a card from Terr’s hand and slid a courtier over to him.

(14:37) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 2 Knights, 1 Wizard)

(14:37) Sam: Terr frowned. For a con man, he appeared to have a terrible poker face. Or did he?

(14:38) Sam: He reached across the table, grabbed a card, and slid a new one to Zeldissa.

(14:42) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 peasant)

(14:42) Sam: (Your turn: Draw/Discard or Trade?)

(14:43) Alissa: Trade the peasant for #1

(14:43) Sam: (Your hand: 1 King, 1 Lord, 2 Ladies, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard)

(14:44) Sam: Terr reached across the table and plucked a card from Zeldissa’s hand, sliding a new one over to her.

(14:45) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 2 Ladies, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(14:45) Sam: (Your turn: Draw/Discard or Trade?)

(14:45) Alissa: trade the courtier for #6

(14:45) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 2 Ladies, 1 Knight, 2 Wizards)

(14:46) Sam: Terr smiled. “You are REALLY avoiding that draw pile. Must not be worth my time.” He selected one of her cards, then slid a new one over to her.

(14:47) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 2 Ladies, 2 Wizards, 1 courtier)

(14:47) Sam: (Your turn: Draw/Discard or Trade?)

(14:48) Alissa: discard a wizard a courtier and a lady

(14:48) Sam: (bold)

(14:48) Sam: Zeldissa discarded three cards, then drew three more.

(14:49) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 2 courtiers, 1 peasant)

(14:49) Sam: Zeldissa smiled at Terr. “You were saying?”

(14:49) Sam: Terr’s own grin wavered. He was confused- was her hand good or bad? What was her game?

(14:49) Sam: Hesitantly, he discarded one card and drew another.

(14:50) Sam: (Your turn: Draw/Discard or Trade?)

(14:50) Sam: (note that the draw pile is getting awfully small…)

(14:50) Alissa: discard the 2 courtiers and the peasant

(14:51) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 3 courtiers)

(14:51) Sam: (it’s a big court, you know- lots of fawning to be done over the royals)

(14:52) Sam: Terr frowned, reached over, and selected a card from her hand before sliding a new one to our heroine.

(14:52) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 3 courtiers… still)

(14:52) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(14:52) Alissa: Trade a courtier back

(14:52) Sam: (for which card?)

(14:52) Alissa: for #4..

(14:53) Sam: Zeldissa still smiled easily (even though her hand was… not great) and plucked the fourth card from Terr. His frown deepened as she slid a courtier to him.

(14:53) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 2 courtiers)

(14:54) Sam: Terr discarded one card and drew another.

(14:54) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(14:54) Alissa: Discard both courtiers

(14:54) Sam: Zeldissa also discarded and drew two new cards.

(14:55) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier, 1 peasant)

(14:55) Sam: (please note there are only 4 cards left in the draw pile)

(14:56) Sam: Terr sat there for a while, debating. Discard or trade?

(14:56) Sam: Finally, he discarded one card and drew another.

(14:56) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(14:57) Alissa: Trade the courtier for #2

(14:57) Sam: Zeldissa reached over, took card 2, and gave a new card to Terr.

(14:58) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 2 Lords, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 peasant)

(14:58) Sam: Terr seemed frustrated. “Why don’t you just give up now? This information cannot possibly be worth such a long and aggravating game.”

(14:58) Sam: (give up or keep playing?)

(14:59) Alissa: Keep playing, I want him to reveal himself as Marshall (:<

(14:59) Sam: (whoa there- nobody said that)

(14:59) Sam: “Oh no,” Zeldissa smirked. “This is fun. I’m enjoying watching you squirm.”

(15:00) Sam: Terr grumbled and reached across the table for a card.

(15:01) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 2 Lords, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(15:01) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(15:01) Alissa: discard a lord (there’s only a few cards left, or one?)

(15:01) Alissa: (I don’t remember)

(15:01) Sam: (3 cards are left in the draw pile)

(15:02) Sam: (is that your move?)

(15:02) Alissa: Yes

(15:02) Sam: Zeldissa discarded one card and drew another

(15:02) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier, 1 peasant)

(15:03) Sam: Terr tossed two cards down and grabbed the last two from the draw pile.

(15:04) Sam: (Your turn: Discard/Draw or Trade?)

(15:05) Sam: (actually, never mind- there’s nothing to draw)

(15:05) Sam: (I got distracted by a work question- the narrator apologizes)

(15:05) Sam: With no cards in the Draw deck, all Zeldissa could do was select a card from Terr’s hand and hope for the best.

(15:05) Sam: (choose: 1-6)

(15:05) Alissa: Trade the peasant for #1

(15:06) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier, 1 peasant)

(15:06) Sam: *psst* Yuniss said in a very low voice. So low only Zeldissa could hear.

(15:06) Sam: *psst*

(15:06) Sam: *If you were to casually place me on the table, I could see through the cards and help you.*

(15:07) Sam: Zeldissa wasn’t aware that was a power held by pixel pixies, but she didn’t think Yuniss was lying to her.

(15:07) Sam: (do you sneak Yuniss onto the table and cheat? or do you play fair?)

(15:08) Alissa: Hm.. as tempting as it is to be fair I’m going to cheat lol

(15:09) Sam: Zeldissa, while often a noble heroine, was really tired of this stupid game. And she needed to win.

(15:10) Sam: So, she slipped the COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device up her sleeve and sneakily deposited it behind a vase when after Terr selected his next card from her hand.

(15:10) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier, 1 peasant)

(15:10) Sam: Zeldissa snuck a glance down at Yuniss. All sneaky like.

(15:11) Sam: Yuniss held up 3 tiny digital digits (digitalits? digitals? whatever)

(15:11) Sam: (Your move- you know the drill)

(15:11) Alissa: Trade a courtier for #3

(15:12) Sam: Zeldissa confidently grabbed card three and gave Terr a courtier.

(15:12) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 peasant)

(15:12) Sam: Terr reached over and grabbed a card as well.

(15:13) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier… boy’s got some bad luck)

(15:13) Sam: Again, Zeldissa looked down at Yuniss. She held up 6 little fingers.

(15:13) Sam: (Your turn)

(15:13) Alissa: Trade the courtier for #6 

(15:14) Sam: Once again, Zeldissa brashly grabbed a card and tossed another to Terr.

(15:14) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(15:14) Sam: Yuniss doubled over in silent laughter.

(15:14) Sam: Terr reached over and selected a card.

(15:15) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 2 courtiers)

(15:15) Sam: Zeldissa glared down at Yuniss, who was wiping pixelated tears from her eyes.

(15:15) Sam: “Something wrong?” Terr asked, smiling again.

(15:15) Sam: “Just thinking,” Zeldissa muttered. Yuniss held up 5 fingers.

(15:16) Sam: (Your turn- trust the tricksy little pixie or choose on your own?)

(15:16) Alissa: Trade a courtier for… #2

(15:17) Sam: Zeldissa, still glaring, reached over and pointedly did NOT take card 5. Take that, terrible sidekick.

(15:17) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 courtier)

(15:17) Sam: Terr frowned and reached over.

(15:18) Sam: (Your hand: 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard, 1 peasant)

(15:18) Sam: “SERIOUSLY?!” Terr shouted

(15:18) Sam: Zeldissa smirked

(15:18) Sam: And looked down at Yuniss

(15:18) Sam: The pixie appeared grumpy. She stomped her foot and held up 5 emphatic fingers.

(15:18) Sam: (Your turn- trust Yuniss or go your own way again?)

(15:19) Alissa: Ugh, I’ll trade the peasant for #5

(15:19) Sam: Unsure if this was the right decision, Zeldissa reached over, grabbed card 5 and slid another one over to Terr. His eyes widened.

(15:19) Sam: Zeldissa looked at the card she’d selected.

(15:20) Sam: With a Cheshire Cat smile, she laid out her hand:

(15:20) Sam: 1 King, 1 Queen, 1 Lord, 1 Lady, 1 Knight, 1 Wizard

(15:20) Sam: “The court is assembled” she said. “I win.”

(15:22) Sam: (time to do a stealth check to see if Zeldissa can slip Yuniss back in her sleeve without Terr noticing)

(15:22) Sam: (consulting the 8 Ball…)

(15:26) Sam: Zeldissa attempted to slip her COMPLETELY ROYALTY APPROVED communication device up her sleeve

(15:26) Sam: And bobbled it, sending Yuniss spinning across the table.

(15:26) Sam: *I’m gonna be sick!* the pixie shrieked.

(15:26) Sam: Terr looked down in surprise.

(15:30) Sam: “Is that… a pixel pixie?” he gasped. “Did you… cheat?!”

(15:30) Sam: (did you?)

(15:30) Alissa: NOPE

(15:31) Sam: “Of cc…ccourse… not” Zeldissa stammered, unable to lie well when Terr was staring her down.

(15:31) Sam: For a beat, Terr didn’t say anything.

(15:32) Sam: Then, he burst out laughing. Genuine laughter. And his smile was real, not the smile of a con artist reeling in a mark.

(15:32) Sam: “I didn’t think you had it in you, little hero,” Terr laughed. “You CHEATED. Oh, that is rich.”

(15:32) Sam: “I…I did not,” Zeldissa said, but she flushed red. Terr laughed harder.

(15:33) Sam: “Okay, fine,” she said. “I cheated. Just a little. At the end. But I really need to know where Marshall is and I KNOW you know something.”

(15:33) Sam: Terr stopped laughing, but he was still smiling slightly.

(15:33) Sam: “Haven’t you figured it out yet?” he asked. “I am Marshall.”

(15:33) Sam: (ooo- dramatic reveal)

(15:33) Sam: (that was totally ruined by the far-too-smart player character)

(15:36) Sam: “You’re Marshall?” Zeldissa was puzzled. “But Marshall’s only been missing a few weeks. Haven’t you been here a lot longer than that? Everyone seems to know you.”

(15:36) Sam: Terr shrugged. “I show up in a lot of places- people learned who I was pretty quick.”

(15:37) Sam: “But why didn’t you send word to your sister?” Zeldissa asked. “She’s worried sick about you.”

(15:37) Sam: “No she’s not,” Terr said. “I sent a letter to her after I got here. Told her I was tired of Lobi and wasn’t coming back. She’s just being dramatic.”

(15:38) Sam: “…You think it’s possible the letter might have, oh, gotten lost on the way?” Zeldissa asked innocently. “Maybe in the Natgrid Forest, which has been… more active than usual, as of late?”

(15:39) Sam: “I…” Terr paused. “I guess I hadn’t thought of that. I was so busy creating my new identity and making a life here that I never thought about what might happen if my sister never got the letter.”

(15:39) Sam: “Would it have killed you to go back and visit? Just to say goodbye?” Zeldissa pressed.

(15:40) Sam: “If I went back, she’d guilt me into staying,” he said. “I don’t want to go back to that life. I love it here. And people love me.”

(15:40) Sam: “And so do their coin purses, right?”

(15:40) Sam: “Well, that too” Terr grinned. “A man’s gotta eat.”

(15:40) Sam: “Why were you so reluctant to tell me you were Marshall?”

(15:41) Sam: “Because I didn’t want anyone to associate me with some country boy from Lobi,” Terr said. “I spent a lot of time setting up my new identity and you barged in here and tried to ruin it.”

(15:41) Sam: “I didn’t know” Zeldissa argued. “Anyway, what do you want me to tell your sister?”

(15:42) Sam: “Tell her…” Terr paused. “This may sound bad, but I don’t really want her to visit me. That part of my life is over. Could you tell her that I died or something?”

(15:42) Sam: “You want me to LIE to your sister and tell her you’re DEAD?!”

(15:42) Sam: “Well, yeah.”

(15:42) Sam: “She’ll be heartbroken!” Zeldissa cried.

(15:42) Sam: “Eh, she’ll get over it,” Terr shrugged.

(15:43) Sam: “You are AWFUL,” Zeldissa said. “I can’t believe you!”

(15:44) Sam: “Did you ever stop to think that maybe we weren’t as close as you assume?” Terr asked. “My sister and I never had a great relationship. But I think, deep down, she’d want me to be happy. And THIS will make me happy. And she’ll be just fine without me- I was just a burden to her anyway.”

(15:44) Sam: “I don’t…” Zeldissa sputtered. “I can’t tell her you’re dead, Terr. That would be WRONG.”

(15:45) Sam: “Wrong? Like cheating at cards is wrong?” he asked. Zeldissa sighed and Terr reached across the table and took her hand in his. “Listen, I’m not always a good guy. I know that. But I need you to do this for me. PLEASE.”

(15:46) Sam: His big brown eyes stared into hers, sorrowful and hopeful.

(15:46) Sam: “Please help me, Zeldissa.”

(15:46) Sam: “I’ll… I don’t know, Terr,” she muttered, pulling her hand away. “I’ll think about it.”

(15:46) Sam: Terr nodded.

(15:47) Sam: “Fair enough,” he said. “At least let me buy you a drink- they sell a fizzy cola here that will blow your mind.”

(15:47) Sam: “No thank you,” our heroine said gently. “I’m just going to… go for a walk.”

(15:48) Sam: Zeldissa stepped outside and let the cool breeze waft over her. It was evening now, and the crowds from earlier had dissolved. Only a few people scurried about now, trying to get home to their families after a long day of work.

(15:48) Sam: “What should I do, Yuniss?” Zeldissa asked. But for once, the pixie was silent.

(15:49) Sam: Zeldissa knew that, no matter what, she needed to go speak with Terr’s… Marshall’s sister. She pulled out the traveling stone from her bag.

(15:49) Sam: (fast travel to Lobi? Y/N)

(15:49) Alissa: Yes

(15:49) Sam: (shwoosh. glimmer. sigh)

(15:50) Sam: Zeldissa walked down the main (and only) street of Lobi and soon found herself standing in front of Marshall’s sister’s door.

(15:50) Sam: Zeldissa knocked and the door opened almost immediately.

(15:50) Sam: “Oh, adventurer!” the woman cried, gathering her up in an extremely uncomfortable hug. “Do you have news of my brother?”

(15:51) Sam: (Tell her Marshall is dead? Or tell her the truth?)

(15:51) Alissa: The truth

(15:51) Sam: (really? you’ll cheat at cards, but NOW you’re being all honorable?)

(15:52) Alissa: (lol she doesn’t deserve that kind of devastation, the cards weren’t someone!)

(15:52) Alissa: Can I choose to not tell her where he is though?

(15:52) Sam: Zeldissa looked at the woman. While she liked Terr and wanted him to be happy, telling this woman her brother was dead was just too cruel.

(15:53) Sam: “Yeah, I found him,” Zeldissa said. When the woman went to exclaim, our heroine held up a hand to silence her.

(15:53) Sam: “He… he’s making a life of his own now,” she said. “He loves you and he will miss you, but he needs to go his own way. I’m afraid Marshall won’t be coming back.”

(15:54) Sam: “Oh,” the woman said quietly.

(15:54) Sam: “I want you to know he’s happy, though,” Zeldissa said. “And maybe one day soon he’ll realize he can have both his new life AND his family. And he’ll come back and visit. But until then… if you love him, just give him his space.”

(15:58) Sam: “Okay, the woman said, her eyes shining with tears. “I’m just glad to know he’s safe. Thank you.”

(15:58) Sam: “Uh… you’re welcome”

(15:59) Sam: “I know it’s not much, but please, take this,” the woman said. She handed Zeldissa a bag of… assorted items. Really random stuff. There might be a lizard in there.

(15:59) Sam: Zeldissa decided to just thank the woman and walk away. She’d check out her loot later.

(15:59) Sam: (It’s late. Save game? Y/N)

(15:59) Alissa: Yes!

The Legend of Zelda: The Gently Used Headset (Part the Sixth… Segment Two)

And now, back to our regular formatting (now with 90% more adventure!).

…I work really hard. Sometimes. I promise.

***

(12:00) Sam: (resuming after an extraordinarily extended pause)

(12:01) Alissa: lol YAY

(12:02) Sam: (recap: Zeldissa is doing a favor for Donna, a resident of Ekovah. Our heroine is now at the door of the home of Prynn Ter, a reclusive woman who lives on the outskirts of Lobi)

(12:02) Sam: (Prynn Ter is asking for a passcode:

[13:54:41]            “Passcode?”

[13:55:14]            (passcode?)

Alissa

[13:55:45]            Before the three moons collide…              

[13:55:51]            they will move together and become one       

Sam

[13:59:28]            “What?”

Alissa      

[14:00:06]            Umh… before the three moons collide they will move together and become one)     

 

(12:03) Sam: “Girlie, just punch the passcode in on the keypad. I don’t want to hear any of your ridiculous prattle” the voice from the other side of the door said.

(12:04) Sam: “Crap” Zeldissa muttered. Donna had given her a silly phrase, not a series of numbers. She stared at the keypad apprehensively.

(12:04) Sam: (input passcode)

(12:04) Alissa: 4321

(12:05) Sam: *WHAT?!* Yuniss said. *How did you figure that out?*

(12:05) Sam: “Elementary, my dear pixie,” Zeldissa said as the door clicked open.

(12:06) Sam: Zeldissa walked into the house. It was very… gray. Like there was a thick layer of dust coating everything.

(12:06) Sam: There was a small thump as she opened the door.

(12:06) Sam: (reverse those- your narrator is doing this all out of order)

(12:06) Sam: Zeldissa sneezed.

(12:07) Sam: She heard mutterings from behind the opened door. She stepped further into the house and pushed it closed behind her to see a small, elderly woman on the ground, a battered three-legged stool on its side by her feet.

(12:08) Sam: “Couldn’t wait for me to move, could you?” the woman grumbled, slowly standing up. Zeldissa offered her a hand, but the old woman ignored her.

(12:10) Sam: “I’m sorry,” Zeldissa said. “I was just nervous. Donna sent me- she said you have some documents for her.”

(12:11) Sam: “Donna?”

(12:13) Sam: “Uh… you are Prynn, right?” Zeldissa said, suddenly unsure of herself. Even though she really shouldn’t be, as she’d already used the very specific passcode to get in. It’s pretty obvious she was in the right place.

(12:13) Sam: (brb- gotta talk to mah boss)

(12:57) Alissa: Resume story time? 

(12:58) Sam: (resuming)

(12:59) Sam: “Yeah, I’m Prynn,” the woman said, glaring at her suspiciously. “But who are you? You knew the passcode, but I don’t know you. How did you get it? Why are you here?”

(12:59) Sam: “…I just told you,” Zeldissa said. “Donna sent me for some documents you have of hers. That’s all.”

(13:01) Sam: “So you say,” muttered the crazy old woman. “How do I know you’re not here to steal my magic toner?”

(13:01) Sam: “Your magic WHAT?”

(13:02) Sam: “TONER, you deaf child,” the old woman screeched. “My toner is the most precious item I own. And I bet you’re here to steal it.”

(13:02) Sam: Zeldissa looked around the house. As she suspected, the gray was due to a pervasive layer of dust coating everything.

(13:03) Sam: Everything, that is, except a section of floorboard visible in the other room.

(13:04) Sam: Zeldissa sprinted toward it, vaulting over a dirty ottoman like she was wearing enchanted boots (which she wasn’t, because she’s upgraded very little of her gear and might die horribly if she doesn’t do so soon).

(13:05) Sam: “YOU STAY AWAY FROM THAT!” shrieked the old woman

(13:06) Sam: Zeldissa flipped a completely improbably (and probably physically impossible) 6 times in the air, landing in a smooth slide ending directly in front of the patch of clean floor.

(13:06) Sam: Dust flew behind her, a spray of filth marking her oh-so-impressive display.

(13:07) Sam: She sneezed, completely ruining the moment, but pulled out her scissors, pried up the floorboard, and removed a box from underneath the floor.

(13:09) Sam: “NOOOOOO!!!” the old woman cried, falling on her butt to the floor and beating her knobbly hands against the ground. Puffs of dust plumed around her tantrum-ridden body, getting lodged in the creases of her tear-stained face and leaving large rivulets of muck marring her features.

(13:09) Sam: It was truly the most pathetic and amusing of sights.

(13:10) Sam: “Listen lady,” Zeldissa said. “I don’t care about this stupid box. I don’t care about your toner. I just want the documents for Donna. You give me those, and I’ll give you back the box. No harm done.”

(13:12) Sam: “GIVE IT BACK TO ME” the woman cried, her voice cracking from the strain of her screeching. “GIVE ME MY TONER!”

(13:14) Sam: “GIVE ME THE PAPERS” Zeldissa thundered. She was actually pretty scary when she was mad. There was a commanding nature to her presence that was not there most of the time.

(13:14) Sam: The old woman sniffled, but fell still, her eyes wide and watery.

(13:14) Sam: “But…but the toner,” she whimpered.

(13:14) Sam: “THE PAPERS” Zeldissa said. “NOW”

(13:15) Sam: The old woman creakily got to her feet and hobbled into another room. Warily, Zeldissa followed her, keeping a tight grip on the box (and trying not to think about the amount of dust and filth covering her after her epic slide).

(13:16) Sam: Prynn walked to a roll top desk, heaved it open with considerable effort (she really should consider getting a new desk that’s easier on her old muscles), and grabbed a sheaf of paper from the corner.

(13:16) Sam: She thrust it out toward our heroine, her arm quavering.

(13:16) Sam: “Here’s the papers,” she said. She sounded… broken. Defeated.

(13:18) Sam: “Thank you,” Zeldissa said, snatching them from her.

(13:18) Sam: For one terrible moment, our heroine thought about walking out the door with the toner, just to be spiteful.

(13:19) Sam: But she’s the heroine, and she can’t be THAT cruel. Wouldn’t fit her alignment.

(13:21) Sam: So, she held the box out to the old woman.

(13:21) Sam: “As promised” Zeldissa stated. “Your toner. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.”

(13:22) Sam: With a springing leap that was frankly far more spry than Zeldissa thought Prynn was capable of, the old woman snatched the box out of her hand.

(13:22) Sam: “My toner,” she murmured, stroking the box and cradling against her face. “My sweet, sweet toner. Mmmm”

(13:22) Sam: *This is getting creepy* muttered Yuniss

(13:23) Sam: “Yeah… let’s go” Zeldissa said, and hurried out of the house.

(13:25) Sam: Zeldissa scampered back down to the road.

(13:26) Sam: (fast travel to Ekovah? Y/N)

(13:26) Alissa: Yes!

(13:27) Sam: Zeldissa pulled out her fast travel stone. It began to glow a brilliant blue….

(13:28) Sam: “Hey girl, wait!” came a voice. The stone went inert as Zeldissa stopped concentrating and looked up to see the friendly woman from Lobi running toward her.

(13:29) Sam: “I’m glad I caught you,” the woman said, stopping short of our heroine and breathing heavily. “I ran all the way here- I will be feeling that tomorrow.”

(13:35) Sam: “You should take it easy,” Zeldissa said smugly. “Not everyone is a toned and trained adventurer like me.”

(13:35) Sam: *Said the girl who was complaining about WALKING 5 steps a few minutes ago* muttered Yuniss.

(13:35) Sam: “Shut up” hissed Zeldissa

(13:37) Sam: “Right…” said the woman. “Anyway, I was wondering if you could help me”

(13:37) Sam: “With what?”

(13:37) Sam: “My brother went into the castle town a while ago and I haven’t heard back from him” the woman said. “I’m worried he got into some kind of trouble. Could you maybe look for him?”

(13:39) Sam: (accept quest? Y/N)

(13:39) Alissa: Yes because I can’t resist side quests

(13:39) Sam: (me neither- which is why it took me 127 years to beat that stupid game I was playing the last few weeks)

(13:40) Sam: “Okay,” Zeldissa sighed. “What’s his name? What does he look like? Why was he there?”

(13:42) Sam: “His name’s Marshall” she said. “He’s about this tall (she gestures vaguely) and pretty good looking. He was just going to town to get some fizzy drinks. He loves the fizzy drinks. But that was WEEKS ago. I don’t know what happened to him.”

(13:47) Sam: “Okay…” Zeldissa said. “Fine. I’ll try to find him. I know a guy there. He’s good at finding things.”

(13:47) Sam: “Oh, thank you!” the woman said. “Bless your heart.”

(13:47) Sam: “Uh… no problem” Zeldissa said. “Now, um, if you’ll excuse me… gonna fast travel… okay?”

(13:48) Sam: “Yes, yes, of course,” the woman said. “Just bring my brother back safe.”

(13:48) Sam: “I’ll try” Zeldissa shrugged. And with that, she disappeared in a flurry of bluish sparks.

(13:49) Sam: (swish. jingle. other magical noises)

(13:49) Sam: Zeldissa reappeared in the middle of Ekovah. A young girl waved to her, then went back to her chalk doodles on the ground.

(13:50) Sam: Zeldissa walked to Donna’s house and knocked on the door.

(13:50) Sam: After a few moments, the blonde appeared at the doorway, smiling.

(13:50) Sam: “Oh, Zeldissa!” she cried. “Did you get the deed?”

(13:50) Sam: (did you?)

(13:50) Sam: (you could totally lie and keep it for yourself, you know)

(13:51) Alissa: Yes I did

(13:51) Sam: Because Zeldissa was selfless and noble and all things a heroine should be (except when she wasn’t), she handed Donna the deed to her father’s farm.

(13:51) Sam: “Thank you so much, Zeldissa!” she cried. “I don’t have much, but here’s a little something for your trouble.”

(13:52) Sam: (doo doo dee doo)

(13:52) Sam: (item acquired: tape dispenser)

(13:52) Sam: (monies acquired: 4 silver pieces)

(13:53) Sam: “Ooo, tape” Zeldissa said, her eyes growing large and shiny.

(13:54) Sam: She stood there on the porch, staring raptly at the tape for many minutes. Too many minutes. Donna actually got a little uncomfortable. She cleared her throat. She called Zeldissa’s name. But the girl was lost in a tapey trance.

(13:54) Sam: So Donna shut the door on our heroine.

(13:54) Sam: And the noise finally startled her out of her awestruck reverie.

(13:55) Sam: Zeldissa pocketed the tape and walked back down the road. The young girl from before called her name.

(13:55) Sam: “Zeldissa! Over here!”

(13:55) Sam: Zeldissa walked over to the girl.

(13:56) Sam: “Hi Sierra,” she said. “What are you working on today?”

(13:56) Sam: “I’m drawing an undead pony!” the girl said. “But I need some red chalk. Do you have any?”

(13:56) Sam: “Noooo” our heroine said.

(13:56) Sam: “Oh,” the girl said, her face falling. “Well, thanks anyway.”

(13:56) Sam: “I’ll keep an eye out on my travels” Zeldissa said encouragingly.

(13:57) Sam: “Oh, thank you!” the girl said, smiling again.

(13:58) Sam: “Fair Zeldissa, wait!” a voice cried out. She turned to see Romeo running down the road to her.

(14:00) Sam: “Dearest maiden, if you could find it in your sweet heart, could you perhaps look for some Viko Root on your travels? Mrs. Blessing injured herself yesterday and I need some Viko Root to brew a potion to ease her suffering. Please, dearest lady, only a heroine as beautiful and brave as you could snatch the Viko Root from the heart of the Natgrid Forest.”

(14:00) Sam: (oh, break time)

(14:17) Sam: (accept quest? Y/N)

(14:18) Alissa: Yes, after I find the brother

(14:18) Sam: (the narrator really doesn’t care what order you do the quests in)

(14:18) Sam: “Oh, thank you, lovely Zeldissa,” Romeo said, bowing low.

(14:19) Sam: “No problem” our heroine said.

(14:19) Sam: Boy, her quest log sure was filling up

(14:21) Sam: (Quest Log: -find Lobi woman’s brother

-find 3 Viko Root samples for Romeo

-find 1 piece of red chalk for Sierra

-take nap

-obtain Only Slightly Grungy earpieces from Therdpahrty

-obtain Holy Pigtail from the lair of Sssssam

-save New Ophis from Cervar)

(14:22) Sam: (select active quest)

(14:22) Alissa: Take nap-I need more energy

(14:23) Sam: Our heroine decided to ignore the pressing weight of other people’s needs and the plight of her whole kingdom in order to indulge in a cat nap. Truly, she is the most selfish of heroines.

(14:23) Sam: Zeldissa wandered back to her cube…er, HOUSE and flopped down on the bed.

(14:23) Sam: *Do you really think this is the best time for a nap?* Yuniss chastised.

(14:23) Sam: “SLEEP MODE” Zeldissa shouted. And soon, both our heroine and the pixel pixie were in a deep sleep.

(14:32) Sam: (3 hours pass)

(14:33) Sam: Zeldissa awoke, slightly refreshed, slightly groggy, with sleep tangled hair and unsightly pillow marks on her cheek.

(14:34) Sam: “Okay, Zeldissa said, “Time to quest!”

(14:34) Sam: (select quest)

(14:34) Alissa: Find that lady’s bro-bro

(14:35) Sam: (narrator will ignore that atrocious phrasing)

(14:35) Sam: (you’re welcome)

(14:35) Sam: (fast travel to castle town? Y/N)

(14:35) Alissa: Yes

(14:35) Sam: (seriously, I’m running out of magical noises here. whizz. zip. schwing)

(14:37) Sam: Zeldissa arrived in the castle town. It was mid-afternoon, so the place was bustling. Someone ran into her and knocked her to the ground.

(14:37) Sam: “Watch it” the dude spat as he hurried past. Zeldissa considered taking her scissors to him, but her heroic side stayed her hand.

(14:37) Sam: Barely.

(14:38) Sam: Zeldissa stood up and dusted herself off. She knew that if anyone could help her locate the Lobi woman’s missing brother, it was Terr. Problem was, she didn’t know where Terr was. Or how to find him.

(14:49) Sam: Her only recourse was to head back to the shady shack where the Trainer lived and shake him down for info.

(14:58) Sam: Soon, she stood before the Trainer.

(14:58) Sam: “Hey, Trainer” she said. He looked up from the counter.

(14:58) Sam: “Oh, purple haired girl” he said. “How are you?”

(14:58) Sam: “Uh… fine. Listen, do you know how to find Terr?”

(15:00) Sam: “Oh yes, the elusive Terr” the Trainer said gleefully. “I do know where to find him- but it will cost you.”

(15:01) Sam: “…Seriously?!”

(15:01) Sam: “Information is power, little adventurer,” the Trainer said. “And the cost of my information is…”

(15:03) Sam: “No, you know what?” Zeldissa said, advancing on the Trainer, scissors and stapler in hand. “I have had it with you people and your silly trades and deals. So, I have one of my own. You either tell me where Terr is, or I go ‘American Psycho’ on your face.”

(15:03) Sam: “American what?”

(15:03) Sam: “NEVERMIND”

(15:03) Sam: Zeldissa screamed and launched herself at the Trainer, weapons at the ready.

(15:05) Sam: “OKAY OKAY, CHRIST,” he said, holding up his hands. “Terr lives just around the corner. But this time of day, you’ll likely find him at the Profloor Pub, trying to con people out of their money.”

(15:05) Sam: “Con?”

(15:05) Sam: “Oh sweetie,” the Trainer said, shaking his head. “You didn’t figure it out? He’s the biggest con artist in all of New Ophis.”

(15:05) Sam: “But he helped me!” Zeldissa said. “He didn’t con me.”

(15:06) Sam: “Yet” the Trainer said. “Ever heard of the long con, girl? He’s probably laying the foundation to rob you blind down the road.”

(15:06) Sam: “You’re lying” Zeldissa spat, walking out the door. “Terr is a good man. I’ll prove it to you.”

(15:07) Sam: Of course, once back on the street, Zeldissa had no idea where this Profloor Pub could be. She wandered around until she found a town guard, who directed her to the warm lights of the pub.

(15:07) Sam: She walked in the door to the sounds of piano music and raucous laughter. The smell of roasted meats and ale hit her nose.

(15:08) Sam: The place was busy, and serving girls were spinning about the tables, delivering food and drink to the patrons.

(15:13) Sam: Terr sat in the corner, people huddled around him, as he shuffled a deck of cards and laughed around the cigar clutched in the corner of his mouth.

(15:14) Sam: Zeldissa squeezed through the crowd until she stood near the table. Terr looked up at her, but didn’t register any surprise, just gave her a slow, easy smile.

(15:14) Sam: “Well, well, if it isn’t the little adventurer,” he said warmly. “And what brings you to my little game?”

(15:15) Sam: “I’m actually looking for someone,” Zeldissa said. “I was hoping you could help me.”

(15:15) Sam: Terr grinned again and waved the crowd away. They dispersed grudgingly and he gestured to the seat across the table from him.

(15:16) Sam: “Take a seat,” he said easily. She sat down, suddenly wary of his motives. Now that she got a second look at him, she could believe the con artist label. But she didn’t want to believe it. She wanted to believe he was just the helpful gentleman she’d met before.

(15:19) Sam: “Now, who are you looking for?” he asked her.

(15:20) Sam: “I’m looking for a young man who came here a few weeks ago. About your height. Named Marshall. His sister in Lobi is worried about him”

(15:20) Sam: Zeldissa saw a flicker of recognition flare in his eyes before he hid it behind yet another easy smile. If Terr was a con man, he wasn’t quite as good as the Trainer thought.

(15:21) Sam: “I’m afraid I’ve never heard of this fellow,” Terr said. “Maybe he’s already left town.”

(15:22) Sam: “Oh, but you have to know SOMEONE who might have seen him,” Zeldissa pressed.

(15:24) Sam: “I’m afraid not,” Terr said, his smile becoming a bit brittle. Zeldissa squashed a smirk and pressed harder.

(15:25) Sam: “Oh, I think you do,” she said. “You just don’t want to tell me. I wonder why that is?”

(15:28) Sam: “I don’t know anything,” Terr said. His voice had lost it’s warm tone and was now clipped and a little harsh.

(15:28) Sam: “How about a game?” Zeldissa said, smiling. She picked up the deck of cards. “You win, I leave you alone. I win, you tell me what you know about my missing boy.”

(15:29) Sam: Terr’s smile returned. Lazy. Slow. Smug.

(15:29) Sam: “I like the sound of that,” he said. “I’ll deal.”

(15:29) Sam: (MINIGAME TIME)

(15:29) Sam: (ONLY I DON’T PLAY CARD GAMES THAT DON’T INVOLVE ALCOHOL OR VIOLENCE, SO I DON’T REALLY KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO)

(15:31) Sam: (SO PRETEND A REALLY INVOLVED MINIGAME HAPPENED)

(15:47) Sam: (OKAY, MAYBE I’LL MAKE IT HAPPEN TOMORROW)

(15:48) Sam: (game saved since you are at my desk and probably won’t go back to yours before the end of the day)